Kidz bop version of No Children by The Mountain Goats is this anything

ducks be like

Yeah I know there’s lots of reasons to hate Teslas but why did we also let them get away with that shit ass door handle

Meant to say “how’s it going” Switched mid sentence to “how we doing” Said “how’s it doin” I’m gonna go kill myself

I think you gotta go with "abolish ice" (or "prosecute ice," whatever) if for no other reason than anything else sounds like disingenuous gibberish

The world has been making me feel down so I stress bought a bunch of manga

(throws tomatoes and a cow into black hole) spaghettification bolognese

what you clearly see, CLEARLY, is a driver who is spooked by the agents grabbing her door, takes steps to drive away, and is immediately shot as moves her vehicle *away* from the agents.

becoming a parent doesn't make you a different person, but it does give you the precognitive ability to know exactly how Willy Wonka would punish any specific 12 year old you meet

Today would be the funniest day for it to happen

Schumer sucks dude like he’s a professional at just being a wet fart god damn dude

We’re gonna need a bigger strongly worded letter

Don't overthink the Trump admin's reasoning here. They don't have a grand scheme. They are willing to upend the international order because they think everyone else will be too scared to fuck with them. And whatever terrorist attacks this inspires against us will just help them electorally.

Choujin X rocks and is a good Manga. Great characters in a wild story. Surreal as hell. From the creator of Tokyo Ghoul, and shaping up to be better. It also helps that Sui Ishida is legit a good artist.

Home Alone is such a good movie but his whole family is so mean to Kevin at the beginning of that movie. They’re like Irving you’re stupid and useless but he straight up is 8 calm your shit McCallisters

The Sacred Duty’s of every Dad: 1. Provide your child with safety, food and shelter. 2. Have a trash bag ready anytime someone is opening presents. 3. Be a library of jokes no one likes.

You have free will You can make your own crab rangoons You shape your own destiny

I’m watching muppet Christmas carol with my daughter and she keeps pointing at Michael Caine and saying Mama I’m dying

Get your shit together Charlie Brown

absolute genius maneuver from bari weiss spiking this story now an exponentially higher amount of people will care about this and watch it anyways

I like that mistletoe increases the odds of being kissed. More plants should offer temporary environmental status. Brawling under lingonberries. The soft yearning of a love that dare not speak its name beneath the nightshade.

Watching Gachiakuta feels like watching Toonami as a teenager it rips so hard

Me buying a bike in 2019: "Maybe I'll save a little money on gas." Me as a bike commuter in 2025: "DESTROY PARKING."

www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cTj... truly a banger of a cover

Just to get ahead of it: I have adhd. I’m also an adult and am able to sit in some mildly uncomfortable feelings for one hour a week! This is a skills issue! I am starting to think that we actually don’t have an attention economy, we have a numbing economy and people are using content as Valium

Cats

i think you can make a pretty credible case that taking a stand on abrego garcia gave the administration its first high profile, high salience defeat

so many of our current problems stem from americans not being able to comprehend that a guy they know from tv might actually be stupid

Turning myself into the authorities because I accidentally stepped on my cat’s foot

ChatGPT cuts the crusts off my peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I'm a big business boy.

To the people who get mad at kids crying on planes: I’ve trained my daughter to piss off a specific handful of people during this one trip back from South Carolina My machination lay dormant for years and now my plans is coming to fruition. Your anger is justified and in no way ridiculous.

pluribus spoilers

I take it back I pretty sure I got food poisoning from the restaurant that inspired this post

If birds are basically dinosaurs I bet velociraptors were tasty as heck

Truly the dumbest and smartest piece of fiction ever created. Chainsaw Man is my favorite thing ever.

I am a defender of Bostons food scene but goddamn Boston doesn’t know shit about fried chicken

every fucking year man

I went to school for analytical chemistry (yuck boring) but then took a class in food chemistry (wow cool neat) and now I make seltzer for a living

If you don't let your theater kid do theater they turn into fascists. That's what I've learned this decade.

Trump gave Mamdani the “McDonalds at the White House” smile lmaooo

If we were moving in the right direction politically and culturally, chiropractors would be in prison

Facebooks cultural trajectory is so funny. At first it was for connecting with your friends and family. For a little bit it was used to overthrow governments and brainwash the masses. Now it’s the app you use to sell your couch and look for free stuff.

anyone who posts less than me is oblivious to the world around them. anyone who posts more than me is a jobless low life bum.

I didn’t need a new bill Clinton fact tonight guys

Body positivity includes owning your farts

Tech support guy won’t stop sniffling during this entire call to fix an obscure problem no one can seem to fix kill me