My brain and my soul are tired.

Guys, I know the situation is bad with Trump leading us into WW3, but the alternative was a functioning economy, equal rights, and Medicaid for all.

Hahahahahahahahaha

Now I know what happened to all my presents!

Jake Flores is hilarious! This will be awesome.

I'm going to leave these up and available as a set of the four originals for one week. $1100 plus shipping. After that I'll be selling them individually for $300 each. Prints will be available soon!

“I’m sure we’ll be fine,” I say sarcastically.

If you have access to Hulu and you like to laugh, you owe it to yourself to watch this special Kumail Nanjani is hilarious!

Hahahahahahahahaha

I could really use an off switch for my brain.

Today’s mantra: keep your thoughts to yourself, Dave.

If you are on Substack, you might consider reading the latest from a brilliant writer. If you aren’t on Substack, being able to read and subscribe to @caytonholland.bsky.social posts is good enough reason to get on Substack. That’s why I’m on there.

Hahahahahahahahaha

It is World AIDS Day. People who work for the U.S. government may not be allowed to post about about it but I can. And will.

Tina Turner was born on this day in 1939. She was an incredible human being and my favorite music artist.

I just finished watching this special and it is brilliant! If you could use some laughs I highly recommend it.

My copy is this is one of my most highly prized possessions. Mo Alexander is an incredible comedian and human being. This song is a fun listen.

I will never understand how people can sit on millions or billions of dollars and not use that money to help the less fortunate. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.

One of the best books I’ve ever read was Robert Schimmel’s book Cancer On $5 A Day, Chemo Not Included. He was one of my all time favorite comedians. I bought the book the day it was released and read it from cover to cover that night. It’s such a powerful book.

I'm trying to use Bluesky to sell tickets to my comedy special taping. Don't make me promote on Twitter. I'd rather have an empty house. But it'd be so much nicer if it were full.

Hahahahahahahahaha! Kumail Nanjiana is so funny.

New Grawlix Sketch just dropped. Featuring Ben Roy, Andrew Orvedahl ,and Rory Scovel! Give it a spin, and share! www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtvE...

@mariabamford.bsky.social @jackiekashian.bsky.social I bought these tix as a birthday present for my wife but we both got sick last week and don’t want to interrupt your show with coughing or spread RSV. Theater won’t refund, so can you share to see if anyone wants to buy them from us? Good seats!

My phone number must have been caught up in another breach or something. Last night I received three SPAM text messages in rapid succession and this morning I’ve received close to 10 of them. It’s so annoying.

Shit is so bad that the best American news of the week is that Dolly Parton didn't die.

Welcome to “America.” I dont know if you can watch this if you arent on substack but if you are it speaks volumes. substack.com/@americanesc...

Getting my monthly B12 shot this morning.

“Just give grace. People are exhausted by life right now.”

I got to see Kumail Nanjiani several years ago at a comedy club and I laughed my head off. This special is going to be amazing.

The majority of the UN walked out of the General Assembly hall as Netanyahu, representing Israel, tried to brag about his criminal actions in Gaza and the region, loud booing ensued leaving Netanyahu visibly shaking in anger.

The Epstein Files cause Autism. That's why they can't be released, America.

Hahahahahahahahaha

There have always been trans people. There will always be trans people. The only "trans agenda" is to live authentically. Removing trans rights, banning trans people from sports, taking away care for trans people puts you on the wrong side of history. Trans rights are human rights 🩵💗🤍

The last of three glorious days of High Plains Comedy Festival (www.highplainscomedyfestival.com/schedule) in Denver, Colorado starts at 4:00 this afternoon. It has already been an amazing festival.

If you are in Denver, Colorado this weekend I cannot recommend enough getting yourself tickets to some shows as part of the High Plains Comedy Festival. There are so many incredibly funny people on every show. www.highplainscomedyfestival.com/schedule

I’m getting a long overdue pedicure today. It isn’t necessarily a smart financial decision but I decided I’m doing it anyway.

I just don’t know about this world, or life, any longer.

I used to spend $50/week for groceries. Then I saw it go up to $80/week. Yesterday I spent $107. I get almost the exact same groceries every time. Ramen becomes more tempting every week. If only I could learn to stop eating.

How I begin every morning

Hahahahahahahahaha

🚨🚨🚨 I'm going to post this video every day so we never forget what the 34x convicted felon & adjudicated rapist Trump did. 🚨🚨🚨

Amen!

EVERY FUCKING MEDIA OUTLET SHOULD BE BLASTING THIS AT FULL VOLUME

I'm gonna lose my mind if they reveal aliens are real and it's your typical grey alien. Whatchu mean we guessed exactly right on the first try?

This bit was taken down for violating “community standards.” Not sure if it offended a Hitler fan or if the reference to his suicide triggered someone (see what I did there?), but if you like jokes about Hitler and suicide, I hope you’ll give me a follow! #standupcomedy #vegandeserts #moms

With all that’s happening with the government I’ve been wondering if I’ll even feel safe getting my booster in October. Maybe I won’t even have an opportunity. We are so screwed as a country. I’m glad that I bought so many masks. I’ll just keep wearing them forever I guess.

HA!

Hahahahahahahahaha

"What's the point? In the end we just get burned up." --existential bread

Tony Camin is hilarious!