Priests are so often on pilgrimages to see body parts of holy magic people in ancient temples. It’s really very D&D. So I think they should have charactet sheets, so we know who’s really magic and also which ones are *too* good at sneaking.

All the joy i’ve felt in the world this week has been by people on ice skates. This is what being Canadian must feel like.

Georgia was skating to MORTAL KOMBAT at the Olympics exhibition gala

"I shot a man by pressing X just to watch him die" --Johnny Cash Bandicoot

redrawing stuff helps keep it from being buried in the algo, so enjoy this and come see the show

@metalson.bsky.social you back up here in the rainytown?

Stealing a car is a hot-take.

sussy (a queer open mic) turns one year-old at vermillion saturday 2/21 doors 8 / show 9 VERMILLION

Realized that it’s probably a “nickel for your thoughts” now. It feels like an era has past. This is probably what it felt like when things stopped being “two bits a gander.”

A near-death experience is a last minute trip.

I have a stand-up desk. It lies flat all-day, then works for five minutes at night.

Run The Jewels needs to do a song for a Sonic The Hedgehog game.

Don’t like rustic-cut cheese. Just dairy pencil-shavings.

Turning Point USA is a great name because I have two middle fingers they could sit and spin on.

I am not a woman born into a man's body, but I am a pile of dick jokes trapped inside a creative writing teacher.

Doc Strange is tuckered out after getting blurry at a Kneecap show.

Whenever you see an entire family posing with guns in a picture, look real close at the dad’s face. You’ll swear he just said, “See? Any of us could’ve killed my wife.”

The halftime show was a real haunted corn maze for racists.

“Saw a magic eye poster in an antique store. No I can’t see that, i’ll never see that” (sung to the tune of Don Henley’s “Boys of Summer”)

Riding on a bus that is actually an amtrak train is truly putting the trans in transit.

Drake: into minors Drake Maye: is a minor.

zodiac sign: Pisces texas chainsaw zodiac sign: pieces

I think it’s pretty safe to say “gorgeous vault”.

Made kpop demon hunters anti-|{£ paste-ups.

I feel like most ICE agents look like they’ve tried stand-up at least ten times. I mean, it would make sense that edgelords run border patrol.

Youngsters stand-up.

Any day you eat a hot dog is groundhog day.

Comics will confront fascism, but need a minute, so far we’ve only really stood up to TVs playing sports.

Wild to think teens these days don’t have to go into a basement to buy weed from a guy named Noah that makes you play Twisted Metal with him after he calls his mom a bitch to her face.

Alot of ICE guys look like they think Vanilla Ice “could really rap bro”.

The only time I would take a dick pic would be for a MISSING PENIS (not wanted back) poster.

When I wear three sweaters, it looks like the only reason i got out of bed is because i still think i’m in it.

I would never make a dick pic unless it had birth and death dates underneath it.

whoa spiderman covers showed a little more spice in the olden days.

All the 1CE hirings have probably made some open mics' lists lighter.

If a movie has a Talking Heads cover, A24 is required to buy it.

Andy’s “won’t say no” tour PORTLAND: 1/14 Helium 1/15 Open Decks 1/16 F****T Show 1/17 Broad Appeal 1/18 VNC Comedy 1/19 Eastburn 1/19 Goodfoot Lounge SAN FRANCISCO: 1/21 Golden Ratio 1/22 Comedy Oakland 1/23 Living Church 1/24 Valencia Room 1/25 Sketchfest 1/26 Mirthquake 1/28 Eagle

SKATEBOARD

She’s maybe our Noem too.

Nutz Deep II: Half-Mast

A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down, but you should take that advice with a grain of salt.

A great name for an REM-themed drag queen act would be: “heATHENS gorgeous”

All claims are unfounded until they are confirmed by a certified gold prospector.

It really was a fit of inspiration.

The only landlords I trust are magic players.

he is the sweetest too.

It never was an *if* I would do a paradise garage totoro, but WHEN.

I clearly won’t ever own a house as a sign of success. I am however proud that i know more puppygirls than i know republicans.

see i post clips now. me do internet well.

good news: i’ll start posting more clips now that these are clips