Okay, time to put my brain on standby and go Torgue things up in Borderlands4. Hope everyone enjoys their Friday night, and remember: Finding joy in the face of tyranny is also a form of resistance. Don’t be afraid to take time to recharge your batteries.

Just caught the toddler spitting on the dog and when I told him to stop he goes “mummy her hair is in my mouth, I’m just putting it back” you know what, fair enough. can’t really argue with that

you probably need to be of a certain vintage to understand the absolute hilarity of ken starr being in the epstein files

I hate to do this, but I have finished my coffee and I think it's time for my edible and a few dirty martinis to start the day Yes, I am off on Fridays and my mental health needs a bit of jiggering to get it back to "less stabby than usual."

ACAB includes people who don't use dark mode on everything they can

Whelp Bluesky crashed so that's all you're getting from the burrito feed. Which is also super horny today

Personally, I don't want farmers to get a single penny of my taxes for a bailout. I voted to protect your farm and you voted to destroy it. It is not my job to save you from your own stupidity. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps.

My dog has reappeared. He told me he wasn't raptured, he was just tired of hearing about Trump and slept under my bed for 3 days. I just can't get over the fact that he only talks to me when no one else is around

Tylenol has just released a study connecting Donald Trump with adultery, lying, rape, and pedophilia.

BREAKING NEWS:

Also quite a few of you I wish had your DMs on because I wanna tell you how rad you are and share my Italian beef recipe.

Me, holding up my Brit Card: 'Not that one'

we had a great live show in Portland tonight talking about Bo Gritz! Thank you to the Alberta Rose Theatre and thank you to all our wonderful fans who raised well over $30,000 for the Portland Defense Fund.

Angel 🐸

Just for reference they are called a "Chad" of dudebros

Goodnight Comrades. Sweet dreams of waffles, burritos, and buttholes for everyone.... Not you Nazi fucks, so stop hoping

Also sorry if I accidentally saved your skeet. It's hard to like skeets with these tortilla appendages

I'm curious.

I refuse to believe Goldeneye was released 30 years ago this year. I was at Uni. I went to see it 4 times at the cinema. (£2 a pop for students) Twice on the same day, too.

Steve had to get through college somehow.

I got 99 problems but having an escalator stop on me ain't one of them.

Trevor is wearing his Smile of Very Delicious Dinner! Tonight he ate 6 Crickets and Licked The Wall!

Don't ruin Ikea for everyone, Steve...

Chip Roy on his campaign for Texas AG: "I don't think Texas should be subject to the advancement of Sharia."

I thought about kissing my dentist's fingers and I laughed so hard she stopped because she thought I was writhing in pain

Zuck is the lamest person on the planet and it’s not even close.

Anyone else remember the time before the Internet when all we had were encyclopedias and Time Life books?

True dat.

I would post pictures of my abs but I don't have any, so instead please accept this picture of a frog.

I may be an unrepentant asshole, but I am not, nor will I ever be a Nazi. Of all the things my father/uncles taught, the fact that the only good Nazi is a dead one has stuck with me

I signed up for a gym. Haven’t gone yet. But I like knowing there’s a building full of strangers lifting heavy things while I lay on the couch eating ice cream.

To be or not to be..a butthole.

The missus would never call me a sexual matador.. Her critique would probably be "Enthusiastic. Takes redirection very well. Willing to Improve." At least she isn't lying and doesn't make me sound like a gay vampire

I don't buy it that Katie Miller calls Stephen a “sexual matador” because he definitely has a strict “We only speak American here” rule.

I can't decide if Stephen Miller being a "Sexual Matador" means he is a flamboyant gay vampire or a Cuck husband that tries to fight his wife's bull and gets put in a corner?

Some amazing gay history. Listen up kids.

I Remember being a nerdy, socially inept teen. I played D&D, like Star Wars, and Star Trek. Mr. Spock was my personal role model. NEVER did I hate women, blame them for my loneliness, or degrade them because they didn't like me Guess what? I got really popular with the girls by being nice!!

My breakfast burrito place raised their prices :( Trump take burrito

Stop saying the President of the United States is a bully! The correct term is thug.

Anglers can fish for free on New Mexico's public fishing waters Saturday and Sunday as part of the state's Free Fishing Weekend. Saturday is also National Public Lands Day, and all New Mexico state parks will offer free entry Saturday in celebration.

Thursday Friends #2 @dcombes.bsky.social @filosia.bsky.social @jules1212.bsky.social @mochachaiguy.bsky.social @nateturner.bsky.social @gentlem.bsky.social @allie-froglegs.bsky.social @frankiemiller.bsky.social @adoboblue.bsky.social @luckyshitt.bsky.social @suewho82.bsky.social

Still daylight out so he's tweeting from his coffin.

2nd week of attempting to find the right rooster for the right price on Craigslist.. This used to be easier

What if the rapture actually DID happen but just nobody actually made the cut? 🤔

Cumming out of my cage and I'm doing....well subpar because I'm in a cage...I guess I am cumming out of my cage so I guess that's fine *Sheet of paper slides to burrito* Oh.... coming....not cumming

It's Thursday and I am feeling like my life needs a sound track.... Today is going to be Bob Marley

If we survive this totalitarian nightmare, there BETTER BE prison sentences for everyone involved in all the human trafficking, human rights abuses, money laundering, and abuse of power associated with ICE.