In an effort to lose weight, I put mustard on my sandwich instead of mayonnaise. So far... I lived. 😲

This brings dignity back to people that desperately need it. A LOT of them are in this situation against their will. I feel like at one point, we will have to make tinny home communities for struggling adults. We need to get real estate regulated based on 15%max of minimum wage.

Are they also going to check my genitals before I go pee at the airport...? 🙄

Reskeet if you read that in his voice

the fucker is 3 tweets away from declaring the Dems "illegal" and calling off the elections, pay attention people, he means this shit

Spoiler: I do not feel fine.

I can't wait for ICE agents to scan the sex toys in my suitcase... 💕 Sure, if you'd really like me to explain each one of them, we can do that...

Trump just posted this. He's a real sick fuck!!!

Just take 10 seconds to think about the logistics of sending completely untrained ICE goons to help with TSA. I don't know... might need some background checks? Probably some security badges? Maybe a manager? A parking space? Oh... training!?!? I'm so tired of Trump being a fucking idiot.😡

Openly calling for the deaths of all who oppose him. I’m sure this will get as much media attention as Biden’s occasional stutter.

Worst episode ever

Ummmm... so you accomplished what now!?!? 😕

He got Mexico to pay for the wall, so I'm assuming Iran will be paying for the war...!?!? 🤔

This is Amazing that i reckon 99% of people will know what she is talking about without actually being told what she is talking about

I live in a Blue State. If Iran does attack U.S. soil, I'm under no illusion that the Orange Shit-stain will do anything to protected us. 😡 Fuck Trump!

For all the US and Israeli dominance of the conventional aspects of the war so far, Iran clearly has a more coherent theory of victory (regime survival) and a more effective strategy to achieve it, mainly because it has a more precise notion of the enemy's center of gravity (global energy markets).

I contributed to Fetterman's campaign! I AM SO SORRY! Damn!!! 😭

We can’t be having this

Dear MAGA, I'm confused by what the fuck is going on right now. Could you please explain? I'll wait. Thanks. Will

I don't know who is running the FBI but I'm certain it's not Kash Patel

OSSOFF: Your statement says that as a result of last summer's airstrikes, Iran's nuclear program was 'obliterated.' Correct? GABBARD: Yes O: The WH stated war was launched to 'eliminate the imminent nuclear threat' G: The only person who can determine what's an imminent threat is POTUS O: False

Even with all the news organizations and their taking-heads, this is still the best explanation for Trump's predicament I've seen so far.🗽

Hear me out! Salad... but it's just the cheese part... 🤔

Friendly reminder: FUCK ICE!

Apple Health is a nosey little bitch, am I right!?!? 🙄

Every year, I try to make a Buche De Noel, and it never works. This is a post about war in the Middle East. 😡

The charging port on my phone broke. I feel like I'm in the movie "Speed"!!! 😭

Wow. Tulsi Gabbard deputy resigns to protest Trump’s Iran War.

"We all know war is god's way of teaching us geography." Jon Strewart 💀💀💀

PRO-TIP: Always leave your therapist with a cliff-hanger at the end of your session. It's the least you can do to spice-up the relationship... 😋

Strait up now tell me do you really wanna close me forever oh oh oh

Fuck it... I'm going to start selling "Rapture" Greeting Cards...

So.... this is the article you ran with? 🤔

📍 𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒𝐎𝐍, 𝐓𝐗: An Afghan father of six who worked alongside U.S. troops during the war in Afghanistan died less than 24 hours after being detained by ICE while taking his children to school. #AbuseOfPowerWatch

Wow! This is more embarrassing than me trying to date in college... 😲

If you don't see the problem with forcing this man to carry an F for female on his driver's license then I don't know what to tell you

When that person you think is cool on social media, likes your post! (* blush *) 😊

I saw the headline "Trump's top priority is splitting Republicans." I couldn't agree more! Go ahead and split those mo-fos right in half! 🍿🍿🍿

Meanwhile, in U.S. News... (* checks notes *) Micropenis. We're discussing Micropenis!?!? WTAF!?!? 😭

I don't care how many gay men are already in the hot tub... there's room for me! 😋

Assessing... A) The amount of cream cheese my bagel deserves. B) The amount of cream cheese left in the container. 🤔

When is media going to stop doing this?

🎯🎯

Like a completely normal human, in the middle of the night, I started to worry about the nuances of the algorithm for writing Roman Numerals... 😂

I'm biased, but please support your local theatre, and for that matter, please support your local café, bookstore, bakery, and library. We need you all.😊

Good morning! Since Trump was re-elected, Forbes estimates— 💰His net worth is up $2 billion, to $6.3 billion 💰Eric’s is up 10x, to $400 million 💰Don Jr.’s is up 6x, to $300 million 💰19-year-old Barron is worth $150 million And Jared became a billionaire last year. Have a great day!

Oh, please! I have more jockstraps than the Seahawks!