I’M A BIG OL BEAR

pooping up for lost time

My car dealership’s free car wash was closed today. Literally who else suffers like me???

Crazy how partying on a Sunday night leads to being sleepy on Monday

It’s great how Gen Z guys started saying a cool slang version of “oh you betcha”

Collection of my interests

One thing about me? When I diet, I diet. When I orgasm, I orgasm. And I don’t believe in mixing the two cultures.

Thanks for everything zucchini casserole

“I’m not a bitch I just have RBF and a really off putting rude personality.”

woke up with neck and shoulder pain, death comes for us all in the end

Gotta remember the first rule about mud wrestling with a pig

Terrible news ops, I got my confidence, swagger and joie de vivre back and have tamed my latest depression spell. Feeling hot, silly and obnoxious again, just like God intended

bet I had more fun than you did tonight

As a person of Ashley Darby age

The only non family member talked to whilst in prison was cookie?! Yes

I do not believe that Tia (friend of) on Potomac is real British

You guys I just found the hottest brand spanking new hidden gem in Chicago’s Andersonville neighborhood. The drinks are chill and the decor is so vibey. Check it out!

My new thing is trying to eat a salad every day it’s going ok

Italian PM is a bad person but she is also low key a kiiiiiiii

Baked potatoes are an innately feminine food and a loaded baked potato is an insecure hypermasculine response to that

BIG WORD WEDNESDAY

Made and ate a bunch of crispy rolled chicken tacos. Yum dot com!!!!!!!!

Bought my mom an air fryer for her birthday like it’s 2018 or sumshit

y’all mind if a whiteboy speaks a lil かわいい tonight?

Taylor really needs to get back into rapping #KingOfMyHeart

Too hot for hands

I would vote for Mary M. Cosby if she ran for office

CHUNK or Megawoof or A Secret Third Bear Ting?

Torn over whether it’s in bad taste to go to a party for fat gat guys in light of the Diane Keaton news :-/

*insert five sentences of hedging, disclaiming, and virtue signaling* wow Diane RIP :(

whew chile finna upgrade my closet to all wooden hangers

Normcore is so fucking back (I bought some shirts from Costco)

Now that it’s the best selling beer in America, I think it’s time they do a campaign that is “Nick Nolte for Mich Ultie”

Grasso from Task

Yeah I can walk outside now without tit sweat, call that fat boy maxing

SLUGGO’S WEDNESDAY SPECIAL

It was just a false alarm tho

30% off all of wigs and hair Mondays and Fridays

Refinancing my mortgage to save $200 a month in interest but then it also resulted in me being able to skip two payments. Maybe I’ll refinance it again and again and again and just never make another payment #LifeHack

Whew boy…moms amirite

Should we spend $300 and go to Chappel Roan’s concert tonight in KC?

Lisa Barlow do sound a lot like Trump

I too am just here to eat, drink, and be Mary

Help I’m constitutional incapable of not saying “it’s just one battle after another” whenever someone asks how my day or week has been

Remember poggers?

At the asshole full of themselves convention

There’s a drawbridge at Banana Video

I appreciate Paul Thomas Anderson on a much deeper level than you.

Former male stripper now corrections officer on Survivor lmao

I am the pearls and you are the swine