Cunty fierce no expression

Fuck off Hammond is my thing

Ritz cracker (lightly salted) + a lil cream cheese + sprinkle of tajin

Saw a grown man eating a big ice cream cone in public what a pervert

What if I bought a Batmobile

Anyone pretending to have an opinion on Pattie/Patagonia is a fucking LOSER

New renters moved into the unit next to mine and they have a dog that barks and I am going to commit crimes

Elder Millenials trying to replicate the whole Gen X “cheeky cynical misery” vibe gotta be the cringiest shit of all time

Need to try Almdudler

The thing they don’t tell you is that the Farmer hated his dog

Eating too much larb, like I always do

new beach chairs shipped, bout to relaxmaxx fr fr

The 1996 US women’s gymnastics team

What if I went back to big law for like 2-3 years to make enough money to buy a house in my neighborhood do you think I could do that without k wording myself?

The incredible middle aged barfly diva at my local watering hole who always brings home cooked meals on Friday evenings came up to us tonight and said “so I heard you guys have a new place” in reference to the Eagle

*whips my hog out* Speak into the microphone, squid brain

That’s just how we do here in Old Bahama Bay

Is there a name for making a Spanish tortilla but using rice instead of potatoes? Cuz I been making that a lot this past week

Working with a person (you hate) who is chronically miserable can really be such a buffet of Schadenfreude

I just think it’s so FUNNY

Bear existence is queer resistance

This holiday weekend really was all about connections

Now why would I be tried after a 4 day binge of experiencing queer joy and building community?

The most controversial thing any bear can do is to stick around

cancelled therapy to go to gay guy beach what’s the real mental health tea

gettin pussy in a shark tooth necklace 😎

really big weekend for queer joy

One thing about me, I’m gonna be obnoxious

Getting blacklisted by the mid bitch community

What if I became a DJ

What the fuck she look like a fucking lizard

Administration, bills, and loads

Don’t forget there’s only 10 summers in your 30s

ok Eagle low key a ki

wonder if there’ll be any DL trade at the Eagle Chicago grand opening

Baby your dreams are my reality and your life is a nightmare honey

Guy who flosses twice a day but only brushes his teeth a few times a month

getting rawed on the dance floor by some guy from Dallas in memory of the fallen troops

Don’t forget to floss behind your last molar. Lots of stink hiding back there folx

low key back in my feeling hot era

I worked on my speaking I worked on my puzzles I ate da spaghetti I ate da meatballs I ate da broccoli

That’s my tall ass wife

Sorry but locals changing their scruff profile pics to them in a harness or leather vest for IML is just funnnnyyyyyyy

I hate the new thing where cars just have one giant long ass monitor/screen on the dash. Tacky as hell.

Why are you alive? My birthday wish was that you would die in a car crash

Can’t believe Madonna is doing a cover of Melody’s Esa Diva for Confessions II that’s craaaaaazzzyyyyy

Yearly flirtation with doing squats again. Stay tuned to see if I develop an absolutely ginormous juicy ass.

Sofia gonna be lit fr

work fat lizzo