Terminator starts promisingly, being about two naked men on a quest for some trousers, but then goes off in a different direction that isn't as interesting.

My brother has one called Greg 🤣

I’ve just met a sausage dog called Richard

I’m going for breakfast in a garden centre cafe like the little old dear that I am

I can’t stand being redirected and asked a load of questions when I want to unsubscribe from a mailing list. Urgh just go away I only signed up for the discount code not to hear from you every bloody day

I’m still in bed and so comfy but I need a wee. So inconvenient

Obligatory #caturday post, etc...

When one door shuts and all that. The moment the contract ended, I was offered a six months a year permanent role with all the flexibility that I want. So I can still work for myself too. It’s taken me 18 months of hard work and uncertainty but lads, I think I’ve finally cracked it

I’m sorry I just found out that in 1379, as in, 650 years ago, a baby girl was born in Yorkshire and named Diot Coke history is a fucking joke lmao

Last day of this long ass contract. I’ve switched my early alarm off and apart from some Christmas installs the week after next, I’m pretty much done for the year #lifeofastylist

Made it

Ok I’ve bathed and my face is on but hair is still in a bun and I’m still wearing my dressing gown #slowprogress

Last night

Paris for NYE has also been suggested to me. Amazing idea and a lovely, lovely thought but have they met me?

I want a lazy Sunday but I have a dinner arrangement later at lovely restaurant by the sea. It was an effort to go out earlier to get my nails done. It’ll be nice when I’m there but right now……

My neighbour dropped round some of her amazing homemade bread pudding so now I’m standing over the sink shovelling handfuls of it into my gob. I’m worse than a raccoon in a bin sometimes

I can’t get rid of it and that notification is going to bug the hell out of me

Is someone trying to DM me? There’s a notification but I haven’t verified so I can’t see it

Leaving London at the same time as the sun #photography

Watching Stranger Things from the beginning in preparation for the finale. Steve Harrington tho 😍

Five words: “Did Women Ruin The Workplace?” Also five words:

Rigatoni has had enough of your shit

Thank fuck it’s finally Friday. I have really nice weekend plans. Getting out and about aren’t I

Wasn’t expecting to be having a little cry at work over that message from Neuroblastoma UK

Lovely message from @neuroblastomauk.bsky.social thanking Alan Carr. Shared on their X. #CelebrityTraitors

Right well that’s me wearing a black roll neck, a white tulle skirt and DMs to work tomorrow #traitors

Absolutely LOVED that. That OH FUCK was amazing 😂 #traitors

OH FUCK #celebritytraitors

Tonight’s meal is a dish consisting of saucisse de Cumberland served with les frites and a side serving of légumes et haricots dans une sauce aux tomates *sausages, chips and beans

Thank you for attending this very important meeting

when I think I do a good skeet

LFC ♥️

*approaching cheese section in supermarket* oh I see. The fucking part timers have turned up because it's Christmas. Fuck you. Fuck YOU. I'm here getting stilton every damn day of the year and you useless fucks come along in November and want fucking APRICOTS in it. You SAVAGES. You SCUM.

Well the queuing for hours worked. He’s finally got his knighthood 🙄

I hate Christmas

Ladies and gentlemen, it is John Lewis Christmas advert day. A big moment on Twitter, back in the day. I wonder where that guy called John Lewis is now? Patience of a saint, that one.

Today is dragging more than a dog’s arse across the carpet

Ok, people. I’ve just had some news. I’m going to come clean and say something. I know you’re a good bunch and that you’ll support me. I hope once it’s out in the open, we can all agree it’s a shock and then move forward past this. My Mum has put the Christmas decorations up

Seriously though I feel like something out of bloody Charles Dickens

Just ordered my great nephew’s Christmas present. Yes, I’m a Great Auntie. And yes also a GREAT AUNTIE AMIRITE

Saturdaying. A mixed bag so far: I had a very nice flat white, a very disappointing lunch, a stranger complimented me on my hair and I found a jacket that I would walk barefoot across broken glass for but didn’t buy because stupid Christmas. So if anyone has £100 they wanna chuck my way…..

By order of The Traitors Signed The Traitors #TheTraitors

I have bought Christmas presents

I’m massively into the paranormal and I have a few stories of experiencing things that I cannot explain. I have certainly witnessed poltergeist activity. If I wasn’t so bloody tired tonight I’d tell you about it. Remind me next year

Dating me is like getting back from trick or treating and realizing all you got was raisins

This joke is so dad it switches off all the lights muttering something about Blackpool illuminations

This joke is so dad it falls asleep in front of the tv but claims it was watching that

Andrew, you have been evicted. It's time to leave your big brother's house

Andrew to lose 'prince' title