On the left, the weird Humpty Dumpty nightmare creature from the old Kinder advert. On the right, Abe Vigoda as he appears now.

This lump of shit is the worst song Metallica have ever written by a country mile. Brainless bar-band butt-rock that makes Puddle of Mudd sound like Control Denied. Other candidates: “Jump in the Fire”, “Poor Twisted Me”, “Attitude” youtu.be/i5zMr5fbUtA

Sailing the Aegean Sea as a lesbian mercenary accompanied by the sexy archer lieutenant she’s banging, a crazy old one-eyed captain, and an all-female crew of masked, hard-as-nails assassins. I love Assassin’s Creed Odyssey.

Last week’s sounds.

The President of the United States can’t pronounce “acetaminophen”. I mean, I understand. He’s probably more familiar with “Rohypnol”.

Lies. The word you're looking for is 'lies'.

Then you were incredibly ignorant and presumably didn’t pay much attention in school. Having gone through and cleared out a bunch of my old schoolbooks recently I know that I didn’t work as hard as I should have but fuck me, you didn’t know about the Reichstag fire?

Anti-autism campaigner, Karen Hoyland, 40, commented: “I love my child but I hate his autism. The other day I came home to find him lining up his guns, instead of playing with them like a normal kid.”

If I can quit listening to Pantera because the singer did a Nazi salute, then those fuckers can quit watching their shit space wizard films when the company making them aids and abets a superpower’s descent into fascism.

Also, you know. There’s no rape in Tolkien’s books.

I wouldn’t trust him because he definitely knows where David Miscavige’s wife is bur–[redacted on solicitor’s advice]

My mum and I used to go for Sunday dinner at a local pub when I was little. After we’d eaten we’d play charades or, as I called it, Give Us a Clue. One night I popped to the toilet, and an old friend of my mum’s came up to her while I was in there and said “Jean, I didn’t know your son was deaf.”

Bring back pre-2004 internet Get rid of touch screen everything I want BUTTONS Physical Media supremacy Subscription models are garbage ALWAYS Brutalist architecture sucks Yt was good before it sold to google I miss when fast food was good/cheap

Also, the monkeys with less bananas would rip the monkeys with more bananas to pieces and feast on their entrails. Food for thought, you know?

Bit of insider news here; the gambling adverts are rationed per day, per channel, but if they mention their “gambling awareness policy” or “tools to help you stay in control” they don’t actually count as gambling adverts.

You look at every culture that's ever existed and the running theme is everyone pretty much just wants to play/dance to music, make art, eat stewed meat wrapped in flat bread, and tell stories about the shapes we find in the stars. Somehow we turned that into wars and overtime and profit margins.

What was America in 1492 but a Loose-Fish

God, I miss my iPod.

There’s something about the way conspicuously Christian Americans do Christianity that just makes it so belief-beggaringly blasphemous it’s beyond parody. If the Monty Python lads had done this in The Life of Brian, cinemas would have been firebombed.

That last sentence is really telling. “I thought they’d deny these visas because the bands are Nazis, but that can’t be it because we have a Nazi government now and the visas are still getting denied!”

Watched a bit of High Fidelity with our lass earlier on before the totally legitimate website crapped out, and I noticed a brilliant, blink-and-you’ll-miss-it bit of foreshadowing of Charlie’s character. You know, the pretentious arsehole played by Catherine Zeta-Jones.

I have two thoughts regarding this latest Swan Boy. 1) I want a Spice Girls animated series featuring Branson Reese’s interpretation of the group 2) I am mortally offended that Branson Reese has portrayed Sporty – the best Spice Girl – as a snake.

we used to get this once a fortnight

It’s the 110th anniversary today of the last time Stonehenge was sold by one private owner to another. Wealthy local barrister Cecil Chubb went along to a property sale at the Palace Theatre in Salisbury on 21 September 1915 and bought the monument on impulse for £6,600

Yeah man we should really fight back by staying on X

Well that's Lemmy taken care of. I wonder what Phil and Mikkey had?

British media pumps out daily propaganda pieces for Farage, fails to offer *any scrutiny* and basically legitimises rampant racism, then puts on its ‘innocent face’ and clutches its pearls at the rise of the far right… What a grim betrayal of our democracy. www.thelondoneconomic.com/politics/how...

Not in any order, only ten, only sitcoms Blackadder The Simpsons S1-9 Bottom Red Dwarf The Young Ones It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia Trailer Park Boys Spaced Still Game Black Books

What movie do you consider perfect?

People having a whinge about Dylan’s performance at Farm Aid. 1. Dylan hasn’t played his songs the way they sound on record for years now 2. He’s eighty-four years old 3. He’s Bob fucking Dylan, he’ll do whatever he wants

Turns out when people vote in droves for a nominally left-wing party, they expect a left-wing government and will vote accordingly next time around.

See also: “Take the Long Road and Walk It” youtu.be/ospxlZZM2Hw

I’ve built up some duplicate records over the years, and today I gave four of them to my best mate to help his burgeoning vinyl collection. Rumours, Like a Prayer, Forest of Equilibrium, and Endtyme. Felt really good.

I've been sitting on this because I don't want to do it, but I guess I'm going to. please help me get a bed. I can't do this anymore.

Go woke, go broke? Nah, brah. Go fash, stock crash.

Didn’t this happen a month ago too, some dirtbag handing over a bribe in a crisp packet? Bring back brown envelopes, I say. Far more obvious but far less pathetic.

TikTok will be co-owned by China and Trump allies, Paramount was sold to a pro-Trump billionaire who's also set to buy Warner Bros, X is owned by an apartheid-bred fascist, WaPo and Meta are owned by Trump-cowering billionaires, and Murdoch owns the Fox empire. Here's why media has a liberal bias.

I don’t think this report can be accurate, though, because he apparently said “You’re all cunts, I hope you all die of TB”, when we all know he would have said “You’re all CUNTS. I hope you all DIE OF TB”, because this is a man who knows when to put his Caps Lock on

Say the line, Conan!

The high street in Wigan looks like a particularly violent river. I hate this country.

Manchester United are winning a match?

Went for coffee with some mates this morning, and we were discussing the Black Album. I’ve realised that it only has two flaws: “Don’t Tread on Me”, and too many fade-outs.

Obviously realised that in order to make a documentary about him they’d have to show the sewage that came out of his mouth, which would counteract the attempt to portray him as a gentle follower of Christ – otherwise it’d be like those unofficial band documentaries that feature none of their music.