ask not to whom the guys reply, they reply to thee

feel like i'm in the restaurant scene when malcovich goes into his own head but it's chotiner

why does it smell like war

hot enough* to transition from the lifestyle** to the industry*** *too tired **couch ***bed

feeling a little anxious about the world, maybe time to watch a movie, what do you have for me criterion

beans AND rice? in this economy?

my main problem at any moment lately is that i haven't eaten enough, and look at me now, eating

Uhhhhhhh

the president definitely has paranoid old man syndrome if he thinks he foiled an assassination attempt by, uh, holding on to a handrail on some stairs

i regret that i have to mute the word matador for a while

feels imperative to keep absolutely roasting the president at all hours of the day and night

billionaires come in three types: (1) the i'm gonna live forevers; (2) the seize power now before they die types; and (3) the do what they want because it's the end times

uh oh i can hear dishes getting put away loudly… better not go in there

i think within a few months the rest of the world is gonna be like "ah fuck the U.S. they suck now" and move on

love how he woke up this morning and applied his bronzer and got his hairs in place just so and then stood up in front of a room full of world leaders and led us all on a journey through the nutso things he thinks up that are never corrected by his toadies and now he's home thinking "that went well"

is he going to fall off the speech again before he leaves...ooops yes here he goes

oh god he thinks they're laughing with him

dude loves a captive audience

They should have had the Oscars band to keep playing louder until he got off the stage.

what the actual fuck is he going on about

how long are they gonna let president wackadoodle grandpa drone on, let's get some boos going and give him the hook

is there anything sketchier than an unexpected visit from a hipster exterminator in an ill-fitting uniform, like now i live in Naked Lunch

Cant stop crying this morning oops

Call me Icarus the way I’m regretting these hot wings

Impossible for me to get up before 6 and not spend 10 to 11:30 thinking of nothing but when it will be socially acceptable to eat lunch

time once again for my neighbor to Try to Get His Motorcycle Started

is there anything sketchier than an unexpected visit from a hipster exterminator in an ill-fitting uniform, like now i live in Naked Lunch

just put kimmel back on the air, what are they going to do about it

low, raspy evil voice: yessss you may have your gift article yessss but FIRST ... but FIRST you must close for thee these pop-ups three

[walking out on stage to pyrotechnics and a laser light show set to bawitdaba] LLLLLETS GET RRRRREADY TO mourn the death of this modern day jesus.

low, raspy evil voice: yessss you may have your gift article yessss but FIRST ... but FIRST you must close for thee these pop-ups three

psyched about the rapture tomorrow

He’s absolutely already told Stephen Miller to get rid of another one so he can do this again

it's hard being stephen miller because no one in the world loves him

I just don’t really understand how this isn’t being treated more like an emergency situation

one time i was eating brunch outside Harvey Keitel's restaurant in Soho and some asshole was smoking a cigar right at the next table and i got up to yell at him and it was Harvey Keitel

it's hard being stephen miller because no one in the world loves him

vought [on a first date]: and so the democrats, right, they're like the dragon in the hobbit, and smaug stole all the riches from the dwarves, right, but republicans, hold on a minute, we're like bilbo baggins, right, and so..oh, ok, oh! shoot, ok, yeah, no you should go if your cat is sick, text me

i think what the president realizes, and what most republican congressional representatives do not realize, is that if the Epstein files are released, they won't have to be afraid of him any longer

i don't think we'll end up in autocracy but they're going too far too fast and a lot of people will die before republicans in congress start doing something about it

Technologically advance a band: Nine Inch Screws

i grew up loving peanuts and charlie brown but also recognizing that he considers himself an insecure loser, but dude he organizes and coaches and pitches whole seasons of sandlot, that is amazing

homan is the droopy of deputy dawgs

trump would be so pissed if he actually got raptured

I hope that when my time comes, I'll be mourned because people love and miss me and not because the government requires it.

RIP CHANCEY CRONK, YOU WERE TOO BEAUTIFUL TO LIVE

i grew up loving peanuts and charlie brown but also recognizing that he considers himself an insecure loser, but dude he organizes and coaches and pitches whole seasons of sandlot, that is amazing

i like how they're surprised we don't even remember the kirk shooting after decades of them forgetting school shootings after like 10 minutes

one time i was eating brunch outside Harvey Keitel's restaurant in Soho and some asshole was smoking a cigar right at the next table and i got up to yell at him and it was Harvey Keitel

i think his popularity is going to keep tanking along with the economy and etc and then republicans, including vance, will start to talk about how he went a little off the rails, and he was such a good president for so long, let's honor him, but that was the "before" trump, and toss him out