"In the not-so-distant future of 2025, the US Dept of WAR..." Alright. Slow down, Snake Plissken.

i saw goody proctor making inflammatory posts about charlie kirk

wow cooking is easier than i thought

I know what Hetfield meant when he sang, "You are... holier than thou," but the line remains syntactically perverse.

Get a load of the reading comprehension skills on these right-wingers. You know, if yall got better at telling who's on your side, your boy might not have shot your other boy.

They think you haven't seen their thousands of laugh reacts on news posts about covid deaths, capsized boats of refugees, innocent people deported to foreign prisons, caged children, genocide, and murderous cops. But you have.

Axl Rose's Singing Tip #48 Put you another syllable in there! I like to do a, "nyeh," or a, "myeh," like I swallowed a bug. This is a chance to be yourself and get a little silly!

It’s kind of fucked up that people are being fired for saying things that Kirk would have said or agreed with if it had been someone politically opposed to him

To me, it never really feels like 9/11 until I see the hamburglar salute a fireman.

"why does restaurant food taste better than food cooked at home" The cook does not care if you live or die and uses salt and butter accordingly

they should make blankets that are all long sides

*builds an arbitrary box around mostly black people* "Let's be impartial and logical here. Black people are statistically more likely to be in this box. That's just a statistical reality. Facts aren't racist."

Can’t believe I just dropped my girlfriend off at the airport and she’s being picked up by a guy named Stardaddy and somehow I’m ok with this

Someone once told me they liked to suck on pork rinds until they taste like ham and I've never forgiven them.

Guy who shrieked about tyranny when they closed Applebees during a pandemic: Mr President sir I saw a homeless man downtown today please send in the 82nd Airborne

I stay having been saying, 'Boo-urns!"

Maybe I'm just hopelessly old fashioned, but if you ask me, a usurer who lends at interest and takes profit shall not live. He has done these abominations and shall surely die. And his blood shall be on himself.

Imagine John Wayne Gacy arguing that what he did was ok because he didn't hate his victims -- he loved them, in fact -- and you begin to see the problem with conservative notions of bigotry.

In a bleak land of dire information, don't forget to picture JD Vance preparing to host a dinner. Stressing about centerpieces. Running to Target last minute because he doesn't have enough matching salad bowls. Calling a non-pedophile friend to make sure his idea for the theme isn't distasteful.

The songs "You Oughta Know" and "Friends in Low Places" happen in the same restaurant on the same night.

Is there any etymological link between crack (the drug) and craic?

I need a "Your left hand is the one that makes an L," trick, but for William F Buckley vs William S Burroughs.

Descartes gave us all the tools we need to survive in an era of misinformation. Simply begin with the understanding that you are real but everything else is fairly likely to be the cruel games of a demon sent to torment you specifically.

The best part of Tom Petty's "American Girl" is when the party guests from Rocky Horror drop by to say, "Make it last all night."

We can absolutely disagree and still be friends until I find out we disagree. Ball's in your court, buddy.

David Hogg is cooking lately

Is it "leftists," or is it three randos on twitter?

I know we're all exhausted, but "friendly plane wave?"

It's one of those things like "the velvet underground only sold 6,000 records but everyone who bought it started their own band" but for everyone who answered "yes" to this being given a national newspaper column

still think this is one of the greatest posts ever made

This obscure fact sneaks past all but the most keen-eyed readers of history, but the United States has in fact used nuclear weapons on another country.

@hankgreen.bsky.social I just found your AHA series (the Ludwig episode specifically). At the end when you said the name, it sounded like you said, "Ass Kink Anything." Was this on purpose? Will it be on purpose next time?

As racism requires a power dynamic that favors the racist, there is a sense in which a person of color who kicks a nazi in the face is manually changing the nazi's immediate relationship to power, and thereby literally curing him of his racism.

Not to brag, but the President wished me a happy memorial day.

There's only one Pick Up Artist book that actually works: the 1987 edition of Cool Karate Facts.

Why the long face, Last of Us? Sure, your son got airborne cordyceps, but you're smoking indoors! The fuckin dream!

“The pope will be from Chicago” sounds like an 1880s Republican’s dire prediction for if we don’t stop Irish immigration

Every Android phone at 2am the other night: "Hey. Took care of that thing." Users: "What thing?" Android: "All that shit, yeah. So you should be all set now."

New! From the makers of Rock, Paper, Scissors: it's Flip Off, Thumb Down, Sieg Heil!

"Look. What you're about to witness is going to seem weird..." - Nathan Fielder, "The Rehearsal" Season 2, Episode 3.

Men will literally chain smoke camels in the dark and listen to 1998's 'In the Aeroplane Over the Sea..." from start to finish for the third time today instead of going to therapy.

Ain't nothing wrong with me that chain smoking camels in the dark and listening to 1998's 'In the Aeroplane Over the Sea..." from start to finish for the third time today won't fix.

80 years ago yesterday, Hitler received the news of what had been done to Mussolini's corpse. 80 years ago today, he arranged to have his body destroyed and shot himself in the head.

"Do re mi fa sol la ti do," is Spanish for, "Do re me fa sun the you do."

A strange game. The only winning move is to strike first, suddenly and without provocation.

These latter day Jurassic Parks really went full Resident Evil huh?

I think punditry would be a lot healthier if people made the case for their policies and position on the merits first rather than framing everything they advocate for as a good electoral strategy. 90% of the time, it's what they support on the merits, so just make that case.

From a scam group text this morning.

I foresee congressional hearings in the future where people are asked if they are now or have ever been Gold Card America+ Subscribers.