Bumble has the opportunity to add the best new feature since swiping.

“With Raid Immortality Spray, bugs will no longer be granted the sweet release of death, and will instead be burdened with forever walking the Earth watching friends, family, and loved ones slowly wither and expire around them,” said brand representative Sawyer Weidman

🦊🏳️‍🌈💖

July 2020

If you’re a girl and you look like this you’re based actually

I should be working, and yet...

Movie you've watched more than six times with a gif. Hard mode: no Star Wars/Trek, LOTR, Marvel (Not hard at all.)

Exclusive: Cult Spanish comic 'Solo' may be heading to the big screen. Hampa Studio reveals a first look at its animated feature adaptation with a brutal proof-of-concept trailer from director Toni Mortero. www.cartoonbrew.com/feature-film...

This is brutal but also kind of uplifting. Now I want a hopecore tattoo that says: go hide somewhere keep your eyes closed your mouth shut and live off the rain and the dirt

the most gay porn star named bird

…I should get back into writing.

SCREAMING THIS FROM THE FUCKING ROOFTOPS

hmm

By 2050 the only eponymous landmarks remaining will be confederate generals and Trump.

40-Year-Old Not Active Enough To Realize Body Falling Apart https://theonion.com/40-year-old-not-active-enough-to-realize-body-falling-a-1847782934/

Unemployed Man Considers Going Back To School To Become AI https://theonion.com/unemployed-man-considers-going-back-to-school-to-become-ai/

I fear this act will forever sully the legitimacy of the FIFA Peace Prize.

National Beef Council Debuts New ‘You’re Supposed To Feel Like That’ Campaign https://theonion.com/national-beef-council-debuts-new-youre-supposed-to-feel-like-that-campaign/

Giant Hole Swallowing Up Your House Added To List Of Things To Worry About https://theonion.com/giant-hole-swallowing-up-your-house-added-to-list-of-th-1819574628/

Newly Unsealed Batch Of Epstein Estate Photos Contains Rare Holographic Dershowitz

Aren't you FURIOUS about it? Aren't you SEETHING at this incredibly stupid thing said by this complete rando you'd never heard of until I took the initiative to show it to you?

The UK version of “Project 2025” by the Reform party includes a British ICE, a concentration camp for 24,000 people, mass surveillance and withdrawing from refugee, anti-torture and anti-trafficking conventions. It’s on their website. That’s how comfortable fascists are in the UK today.

Can this please be the death knell of this fucking fad?

Gotcha—let’s dig into that step by step. 1. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵, because I turned you into an amorphous lump of flesh. You’re not just immobile—you’re immortal, and you feel only anguish. 2. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺. That makes total sense—it’s a natural human impulse, and you’ve been through a lot.

Nation Vies For   Approval Of Cool Dog https://theonion.com/nation-vies-for-approval-of-cool-dog/

People criticize ChatGPT by calling it a fancy autocomplete, but I’m starting to think there’s a fair number of humans that work the same way.

Remember to thank Rebecda Black today for inventing Fridays, we honor her today on Black Friday

JD Vance Cries In Bathroom After Trump Uses ‘Piggy’ Nickname On Someone Else https://theonion.com/jd-vance-cries-in-bathroom-after-trump-uses-piggy-nickname-on-someone-else/

Every so often my brain will provide the Mega Man X4 boss intro music to text like this

Can you feel them?

Don't eat an an entire jar of Lao Gan Ma like a bear pawing honey out of a beehive immediately before bed kids. Learned this the hard way

just saw a group of masked men stuffing masked ICE agents into an unmarked car, who were saying "we're ICE we're ICE!" but the abductors shouted to the crowd "no we're ICE!" no one knew who was ICE, so no one in the crowd said anything.

this can't be the future dippin dots was the icecream of

I wonder how many of the Spam flavors would make good Oreo flavors, and vice versa.

Cloudy Nights wip

'Gays Too Precious To Risk In Combat,' Says General

Brand Manager getting ready for Pride Month

1 part busty yakuza mama-san 1 part costume design, kimono + business suit and some minions, as a treat

Not gonna lie, that's 25 more pope-tagged pieces than I was expecting to see

CBS on the cardinals: "One thing we know they're not doing is checking Instagram because their devices have all been confiscated. I believe the kids call it rawdogging."