National Beef Council Debuts New ‘You’re Supposed To Feel Like That’ Campaign https://theonion.com/national-beef-council-debuts-new-youre-supposed-to-feel-like-that-campaign/

Giant Hole Swallowing Up Your House Added To List Of Things To Worry About https://theonion.com/giant-hole-swallowing-up-your-house-added-to-list-of-th-1819574628/

Newly Unsealed Batch Of Epstein Estate Photos Contains Rare Holographic Dershowitz

Aren't you FURIOUS about it? Aren't you SEETHING at this incredibly stupid thing said by this complete rando you'd never heard of until I took the initiative to show it to you?

The UK version of “Project 2025” by the Reform party includes a British ICE, a concentration camp for 24,000 people, mass surveillance and withdrawing from refugee, anti-torture and anti-trafficking conventions. It’s on their website. That’s how comfortable fascists are in the UK today.

Can this please be the death knell of this fucking fad?

Gotcha—let’s dig into that step by step. 1. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵, because I turned you into an amorphous lump of flesh. You’re not just immobile—you’re immortal, and you feel only anguish. 2. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺. That makes total sense—it’s a natural human impulse, and you’ve been through a lot.

Nation Vies For   Approval Of Cool Dog https://theonion.com/nation-vies-for-approval-of-cool-dog/

People criticize ChatGPT by calling it a fancy autocomplete, but I’m starting to think there’s a fair number of humans that work the same way.

Remember to thank Rebecda Black today for inventing Fridays, we honor her today on Black Friday

JD Vance Cries In Bathroom After Trump Uses ‘Piggy’ Nickname On Someone Else https://theonion.com/jd-vance-cries-in-bathroom-after-trump-uses-piggy-nickname-on-someone-else/

Every so often my brain will provide the Mega Man X4 boss intro music to text like this

Can you feel them?

Don't eat an an entire jar of Lao Gan Ma like a bear pawing honey out of a beehive immediately before bed kids. Learned this the hard way

just saw a group of masked men stuffing masked ICE agents into an unmarked car, who were saying "we're ICE we're ICE!" but the abductors shouted to the crowd "no we're ICE!" no one knew who was ICE, so no one in the crowd said anything.

this can't be the future dippin dots was the icecream of

I wonder how many of the Spam flavors would make good Oreo flavors, and vice versa.

Cloudy Nights wip

'Gays Too Precious To Risk In Combat,' Says General

Brand Manager getting ready for Pride Month

1 part busty yakuza mama-san 1 part costume design, kimono + business suit and some minions, as a treat

Not gonna lie, that's 25 more pope-tagged pieces than I was expecting to see

CBS on the cardinals: "One thing we know they're not doing is checking Instagram because their devices have all been confiscated. I believe the kids call it rawdogging."

not now kitten, daddy’s leitmotif is returning imbued with sinister significance

These fad diets are getting out of hand. arstechnica.com/health/2025/...

I'm so used to bar bathrooms with cutesy signs that I had to stop here and ask myself if I was a Mario or a Wario

New Study Finds Human Beings Were Never Meant To Wake Up From Sleep theonion.com/new-stu...

The Dance of the Swans is the best thing you’ll see today

The inexorable passage of your mom

Carbro sequestration is this anything

O, to be a little hog, nestled in his master’s majestic machine. youtu.be/2fpIa30D6oM

Man at the table next to us just mentioned how he had “left space for” something, and my immediate first thought was that he was about to describe the reason he was on Earth.

Maybe I’m overexposed to hyenas, but I feel like somewhere out there is a mouse that smells.

Nine tailed foxes should have nine buttholes just saying.

Wishing a happy slavering hyena month to all those who celebrate.

Service sub protogen that’s a video game console.

Being a person with deadly, incurable cancer who is nonetheless still alive for an indefinite timeframe gives me an interesting metaphor that helps me deal with things like large-scale corruption in government or commerce. Bear with me for a second while I try to explain.

There’s only one way this movie is good: if Robbie Williams’ father is played by Pharrell Williams wearing a big yellow hat. youtu.be/e0IWxgMjsmw?...

I often think of experimental music as a little masturbatory, but it never occurred to me to think of my masturbation as experimental.

Morpheus offering two identical handfuls of balled-up American cheese.

Recently realized that I could defuse a lot of my frustration with Comcast if I just resigned myself to paying full price. Turns out I’m willing to pay a surprisingly high price to not jump through hoops.

Holy crap those are pretty.

She yankee on my doodle til I went to town on a pony.

American cheese is not a cheese. It is a very thick sauce.