With the help of the Sandy Hook families, The Onion has reached a long-awaited deal to take over InfoWars. We've enlisted the help of @timheidecker.bsky.social, who will be InfoWars' Creative Director. Please stand by for more.

@sigdiamond.bsky.social @joeltemperlane.bsky.social @standalone.bsky.social @servoacademy.bsky.social

@sigdiamond.bsky.social @jaymilton.bsky.social

We never ate at the computer when we were kids and we turned out fine

Dow Jones Industrial Average slips 250 points after all life on earth is exterminated.

Imagining how embarrassed I would be if I won my ncaa pool and didn't pick the winning team, especially if the second place person got 3 of the 4 teams in the final 4 correct.

One of the benefits of curating a nice collection of glass jars is if you find a new jar you really like but you can’t get the label glue off even after soaking it in the hot water you boiled the eggs in, you can say “life is too short for this bullshit” and throw it in recycling without regret.

@brilliantshane.bsky.social Turn your tv to Fox

Oh no

Happy Bandcamp Friday to all who celebrate! housesitters.bandcamp.com/track/everyb...

My computer made me do it

I’m participating in this fundraiser in April! You can sign up to donate now. I’d really appreciate if you could contribute or share!

In the process of doing what I can to separate myself from net negative technology/social media companies, so everybody can now not watch You Earned It... Now Collect It (starring @therealsamcauhe.bsky.social and featuring @jaymilton.bsky.social, me, and others as well) @ archive.org/details/@you...

We will, at most, begrudgingly file a report for your stolen bike/car or home break-in, but…

Submissions are closed. Congratulations to our winner, @zombimanos.bsky.social, with a guess that was closest to correct without going over. bsky.app/profile/zomb...

Can You Guess What This Is™️ (Feb. 5, 2026

Dentists in 1986: You just need to brush the tops of your teeth because that's where the food touches Dentists in 2026: You just need to brush the sides of your teeth because that's where the bacteria is

Rando dude with 1,800 followers cosplaying as a journalist teasing “breaking news”. 🙄 If you have something to say, just say it…without the manufactured drama.

Surprise surprise the members of the Biggest Pieces of Shit on the Planet Society all hate each other, but stuck together and made it work despite their differences, all for the love of pedophilia.

With just a little more AI, movies financed by boring ultracapitalist dorks about boring fascist losers will be interesting.

@joeltemperlane.bsky.social shot video of our show Saturday youtu.be/Y8kNTHJeSoM?...

Bovino OUT, Homan IN! Bovino LOCKED OUT of government social media accounts! Don't let anyone tell you that protesting doesn't work.

@vicbergeriv.bsky.social?

ugh, looks like it’s going to be a grimm friday night (no x files)

They’re doing a news segment about the extreme cold and freezing pipes, and they accidentally showed a box of tampons in a bathroom vanity.

When you’re falling out of bounds with the basketball, one of the toughest needles to thread is throwing the ball at the defender’s legs hard enough that they can’t catch it, but soft enough that you don’t hurt them.

My favorite comedians are the ones who are brave enough to ridicule the rank and file nitwits who make unfunny or dumb replies to their posts, but career focused enough to banter with other famous comedians or celebrities who make equally unfunny/dumb replies

Confused about which cooking oil you should use? Just answer two simple questions - what smoke point and what taste profile am I looking for?

This also applies to coming out of a stall

Zip up and/or button up before you turn back around at the urinal. Because if you turn around first someone could open the door at that very moment and the people outside the restroom would see you "closing up shop."

More relevant than ever now that Bob Weir is dead. www.thehollywoodhogsnewspaper.com/rockmusic-st...

@jsinshead.bsky.social bringatrailer.com/listing/1999...

I’m getting additional training for the NFL by the Army because I am a cool guy

The roads are surprisingly clear after all. that weather we had earlier today

Those brake lights that go all the way across your trunk sure look cool until they burn out and you have to replace 10 light bulbs instead of two. Then they’re not so cool anymore, are they. No thanks. I’ll stick with my car that has two brake lights.

Just got a text from a friend, “watched Star Trek like you suggested, people in spaceships at warp speed, yeah sure. Not my thing.“ I immediately replied oh and did you text me that text by talking it into your watch? Silence, and that was two days ago. Hit a nerve, he’ll pretend it never happened

so hold on

We are playing our 2005 album Someone in Madison is Praying for You (and it's not Me) in full at a small theater in Iowa City on January 24. @philbraun.bsky.social will pay airfare for anyone interested in attending. prod5.agileticketing.net/websales/pag...

I’m at a concert and somebody in the audience is playing a tambourine

One of favorite things about dogs is how you can always aggravate them by putting one toy inside of another toy.

I prefer to watch a parade on TV in the comfort of my own home

Happy 2206 from Dodi and Joel

Boom #MrChristmas

@jaymilton.bsky.social there are Honda Fits all over the place in this parking lot. 3 in a row even.

@sigdiamond.bsky.social @cofounderjamie.bsky.social

Bandcamp Friday is a great time to build out your library of cheerful holiday tunes. housesitters.bandcamp.com/track/alone-... jamieayling.bandcamp.com/album/workin...