Truth be told, I’ve had a handful of fights my entire life and none of them were as an adult. I’m actually scared at what I’d do to someone today.

I actually haven’t had a fight since college and even then it was more me not beating the shit outta dude than an actual fight. And before that, it was 6th grade.

I told my cats “the only fags in this house are your dads. You will smoke WEED like normal god-fearing cats.”

My homie refers to it as going “Full TJ.”

My brothers are like this, especially the oldest boy. We’ve started saying, “please don’t make Junior get up out his chair.” Because if he gets up, someone is getting FUCKED up.

Me leaving Ross just now

Yes. Not enough Luigis

I need a drink

SHOW ME THE SAVES 🗣🗣🗣

Saw someone refer to good pussy as having “okra slime” and I’m convinced we got different definitions of “good”

This is the result of “violence is never the answer.”

There’s just miles and miles and miles of unsatisfied pussy. That’s a got damn shame.

4 days, 1 day, 2 hours, 30 minutes on a Thursday afternoon...

I would love for straight days of getting folded, hell. I would love one whole day of getting folded. I just want to get folded like fresh laundry like a pretzel like a piece of paper like a greeting card

Legendary moment in Black History

Allegedly

Entirely too much sensation

Unless they are ACTUAL stray cats.

ABC ruined this show. I tried the first season but this is some bullshit…

Was never a big Kamala fan. In a world (I know, I know, just barely with me) where “liberals” actually used their power to fight fascism, we’d never give a cop a chance. But she aight tho. Don’t see why people hate her, outside of, well, you know.

My back fucked up and I don’t like the risk of surgery so this the body we getting in perpetuity.

Depends on your definition of “information.”

It’s the Fitnessgram now

Probably. The real question is how much will the medical care to deal with the aftermath eat in to my reward.

I'll do it and leave my family the money to pay for my funeral, because my heart is exploding at the finish line

Freddy Krueger 5 minutes into invading my intrusive thoughts.

For sure, just lemme stretch first.

Respectability politics gonna be the death of us

Had a good night, good sleep, good morning.* Let’s have a good day at work now. *All tiddy-related.

no they said i had to pay for premium😒

Good morning tho.

DALLAS (AP) — 3 people shot at immigration office in Dallas and the shooter is dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound, official says.

If this is heaven, I can’t tell…

They called me the kissing bandit in middle school.

Lemme find out

Not specifically into trains but transportation in general is super fascinating to me

non autistic people are like "maybe you shouldnt make train jokes about autistic people" but all the autistic people I know are like "i love this train post toot toot"

Dissociating here

Yes and walnuts

Look up the history of the white gloves in animation if you really wanna be pissed.

“have you finished the memorial to the sons and brothers of iowa we lost in the war?” “sure did boss, real fuckin horny just like you asked” “what”

I’m convinced plastic surgery is no longer about looking good and solely about showing you have enough social status to get it

…i feel like this should’ve been its own post if you wanted to get this off your chest.

Nah you got it or you don’t. It’s an aura. An essence. An energy. It’s ultimate confidence in yourself that outside validation can’t make.

Me exuding “sex appeal”

“That yank” got me 💀💀💀

You can’t be messing with women that will shoot up granny house… You also can’t fuck over women who will shoot in granny house. Shorty absolutely had that yank tho.