this is a funny story but i feel like robins are doing fine and i should be allowed to eat their eggs

I can't remember if I cried remembering his soft green hide but something touched me deep inside the day that grogu died

if i was president i would 100% use that as an excuse not to attend a wedding i didn’t care about (shitty failson’s Nth wedding), very relatable

listen mando, you can say “he’s usually a sweetheart” as much as you like, but if that little green bastard bites my kid again i’m calling animal control

i’m glad that usb-c is the default now but it also sucks because it’s hard to clean. too many nooks and crannies.

i had a Dutch roommate for a while. one time he called 911 because there was a deer in the median of a 4 lane road, they told him “sir, deer are free roaming animals”

i once ate a single ny slice for lunch and my coworker called me “a shell of a man”

it just seems like a dire misread of the vibes to invite a guy named “Hate” to any big “congratulations, yay” type event

under woke 2 places like Six Flags will instead be called “they/theme parks”

SEO Speedwagon

next season of For All Mankind will again star Joel Kinnaman, now playing his dead character’s adult half-asian son by wearing extremely unconvincing yellowface makeup

i had a great meeting with Chinese President Qui-Gon Jinn and we will be looking into the interplanetary trade dispute very strongly

four year old, quietly: i think [two year old] doesn’t like spiders because they have more legs than him

i’ll be honest, i had never heard of the Thucydides Trap before today, so this all feels like an elaborate prank

palestine genocide = bad

Ah. I see the problem now.

“Only the portrait of a deceased individual may appear on United States currency and securities.”

he should be barefoot with stink lines

Change one letter in a movie title to make it a new movie title Roger rgbbit

“Yeah I’ve got Havana Syndrome, havin’ another beer” remains one of my favorite stupid jokes

chicks dig 2 grapefruits and a lil smokey

Surely they've suffered enough?

idc what she’s saying, but why does she look like that. perhaps she is the real alien

wandering the Sonora desert in a carefree fashion like

do you know who else ate breakfast? that’s right, hitler

if you have microplastics in your balls that is frankly a skill issue

when my mom first showed me Return of the Jedi, when Jabba came on screen i asked “is that the jedi?”

you couldn’t name a band Dead Kennedys anymore, on account of

Oh my god. Indycar what are you doing

a big invincible woman would fix me

don’t go BREAKING: my heart

i too have terminated my hostilities with Iran

my children have ended their War on Bedtime

flipping through a book of inkblots saying “vagina, vagina, vagina… vagina”

BREAKING: The troupe of cockroaches “doin a Ratatouille” to Rudy Guiliani have returned to their prime host, RFK Jr

SHAFT

'Beltsville Agricultural Research Centre', Maryland - I was privately commissioned to memorialise the BARC by a past employee after learning it will be shut down by the USDA after over 100 years of research. They wanted to focus of this aerial embroidery to be the field plots... 1/3 (see thread)

there’s a lot of jokes about cows laying eggs, but seriously look at this fucked up ghost cow. why is its skin like that. untrustworthy

Nice work, @insidehighered.com This is a perfect headline & lede.

15 years ago today, Kate and William killed Osama Bin Laden at their wedding.

finally found something to make me laugh and it's this I've watched this like 30 times in a row

Some useful public speaking tips from Freud here.

my apologies to the bluesky mod team. i'm sorry for this post and i've learned my lesson. there should be less active shooter training

please do not commit any federal crimes that would lead me to feeling a deep sense of embarrassment after finding out you read my posts

please