Sam Handwich
@samhandwitch.bsky.social
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im a lurker mostly
pinned post!
Iām going to use this thread to store the tweet phrases that keep banging around in my head
about 1 year ago
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Sam Handwich
Defector
1 day ago
I guess we're just waiting around to see if this demented psychopath kills everyone:
defector.com/i-guess-were...
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I Guess We're Just Waiting Around To See If This Demented Psychopath Kills Everyone | Defector
There is a particular indignity that comes from living in America, derived from the experience of waking up in the morning to see reports that Donald Trump has said something profoundly evil, and then...
https://defector.com/i-guess-were-just-waiting-around-to-see-if-this-demented-psychopath-kills-everyone
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Sam Handwich
e
3 days ago
add a skeleton here at some point
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3 days ago
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Bro musta skipped Bridge Day
3 days ago
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Sam Handwich
Luke O'Neil
3 days ago
āPraise be to Allahā āPresident DONALD J TRUMP, Easter morning 2026
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Sam Handwich
Blue sky nice ghost
4 days ago
I hate every bot I see. From gpa to gpt
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goddamnit i canāt believe i got got by the mods of r/anime_titties
7 days ago
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youāre telling me the founder of a sex cult is guilty of crimes? what a world
9 days ago
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hamburger hurter
9 days ago
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Sam Handwich
Nimisha Barton
10 days ago
Being a parent is just constantly picking up something that shouldnāt be wet and sayin why is this wet
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Sam Handwich
Frances Meh
10 days ago
chat.
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Sam Handwich
bigmo2se
11 days ago
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add a skeleton here at some point
10 days ago
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Sam Handwich
š¾šāšøā
12 days ago
Portrait of Mr. Moyes, M.D. (1792) by John Russell, blaze it
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they should lower the minimum age to join ice until itās just toddlers arresting toddlers
14 days ago
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i thought iranās government was good until they posted an AI video
14 days ago
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Sam Handwich
Bouba's Delivery Service
15 days ago
And concluded with...
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Black Man Out Of Work
WASHINGTONāJoining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has he...
https://theonion.com/black-man-out-of-work-1819579551/
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Sam Handwich
joseph reed
15 days ago
Followed closely by
theonion.com/black-guy-as...
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Black Guy Asks Nation For Change
CHICAGOāAccording to witnesses, a loud black man approached a crowd of some 4,000 strangers in downtown Chicago Tuesday and made repeated demands for change.
https://theonion.com/black-guy-asks-nation-for-change-1819569703/
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Sam Handwich
ryan cooper
15 days ago
engagement bait prompt: what's your favorite Onion article? I think mine has to be this one
theonion.com/new-subway-p...
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New Subway Promotion To Honor Subtember 11
MILFORD, CTāCiting a wide range of deals customers will ānever forget,ā fast food chain Subway announced an exciting new promotion this week to honor and commemorate Subtember 11. āWith a number of te...
https://theonion.com/new-subway-promotion-to-honor-subtember-11-1819575535/
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Sam Handwich
Pizza Logs
15 days ago
I don't think anything will ever be able to top this one
theonion.com/jurisprudenc...
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Jurisprudence Fetishist Gets Off On Technicality
https://theonion.com/jurisprudence-fetishist-gets-off-on-technicality-1819586446/
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Sam Handwich
Pork Francis
15 days ago
theonion.com/hidden-valle...
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Hidden Valley Ranch Bombed By Balsamic Extremists
HIDDEN VALLEY, CAāA radical Balsamic fundamentalist group detonated an estimated 800 pounds of TNT at the Hidden Valley Ranch compound Monday, killing 11 and injuring dozens more. "Let no salad again ...
https://theonion.com/hidden-valley-ranch-bombed-by-balsamic-extremists-1819566053/
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baked beans come in a can, they were put there by a man, in a factory downtown
18 days ago
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if one of elonās kids is named Saxon, presumably he will eventually name one Anglo. and then perhaps Caucasian and Aryan
18 days ago
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Sam Handwich
IGN
20 days ago
Watch the trailer for Jesus Simulator, where players will be taken on a journey through the Gospels to experience the sermons, miracles, and life of Jesus Christ.
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for sale: baby shoes, never worn (because it turns out my son has fat feet and needs wide shoes now)
21 days ago
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Sam Handwich
Owen Barcala
22 days ago
Court: "Are you here for moral support? Because you're not going to speak." Off to a great start!
add a skeleton here at some point
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Sam Handwich
Brendel
22 days ago
Everyone is wondering what the correct level of contrition is and this seems about right
add a skeleton here at some point
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hell yeah ai slop girl loves her new gloves from ABCXYZ on amazon
23 days ago
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are we ever going to get a picture of epsteinās fucked up dick?
23 days ago
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Sam Handwich
primate pals š¦š¦§
2 months ago
i was thinking of golden-headed lion tamarins, who would be sexy even if they went bald, on account of their vivacious personalities
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you canāt spell chinese without ch-ese
24 days ago
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Sam Handwich
GoalieLax
28 days ago
WBAL in Baltimore helping viewers understand the difference between watches and warnings
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what is the sound of one balloon popping
28 days ago
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Sam Handwich
Cohen is a Ghost
3 months ago
Could an empire in decline do THIS? *launches deeply unpopular invasion cementing status as lunatic-led pariah state, its not clear what kind of move i was trying to do*
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just saw a cybertruck wrapped with ājesus is king!ā no way bitch you will never see the kingdom of heaven
about 1 month ago
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watching WAR MACHINE, a really stupid movie starring our favorite woke big boy from REACHER, this shit kicks ass
about 1 month ago
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damn, sheās serving Flask app
about 1 month ago
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Crispy Noem
about 1 month ago
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I kissed a girl and I liked it -George Orwell
about 1 month ago
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Just had an interesting conversation with a young queer coworker who found a lot of meaning writing fanfic in the Omegaverse, thank you
@alabseries.bsky.social
for preparing me
about 1 month ago
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Sam Handwich
esouthard
about 1 month ago
Canāt believe you withhold this insight from the folks here
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Sam Handwich
regular meghan ėģģ§ šµšø
about 1 month ago
the phrase āmore than a dozen pregnant childrenā ringing in my ears
www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026...
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Sam Handwich
hannah gais
about 1 month ago
Greg Dolezal, a Georgia state senator and conservative Republican who's running to be lieutenant governor, released this bizarre Islamophobic "anti-sharia" ad that, somewhat confusingly, features an AI generated driver that looks exactly like Claire Danes.
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Sam Handwich
Jay Willis
about 1 month ago
Here's a picture I found on my camera roll
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*trying to be supportive* trans women are my bro⦠err sisters, sorry
about 1 month ago
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unfortunately itās the n-word
about 1 month ago
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liquor named ā99 red balloonsā that tastes like a balloon
about 1 month ago
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i donāt know anything about barstool, iāve just seen the handle āstoolpresidenteā and assumed he was the president of poop
about 2 months ago
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shaped cheese jet
about 2 months ago
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