THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS

🤭

today’s affirmation: I am within the acceptable range of deviation. I am a perfectly roasted quail. if I was a car the mechanics would find nothing weird or rodent related in my air filter. I am upright. There are no stones or excess debris in my shoes. I still have all my bones.

If I move really fast I could eat one before they stop me

Why is it so f*ng hard just to NOT BE EVIL www.theguardian.com/global-devel...

♫ But I would walk 500 miles ♫ ♫ And I would walk 500 more ♫

YOU MUST WATCH THIS WITH SOUND ON (you’re welcome)

I’d watch the hell out of that movie

Seems about right..

Being alive right now is trying to balance “I want to stay informed” with “this is actively destroying my mental health”

Tech bros shocked that normal human beings enjoy thinking

"You're lucky Mom says I can't open my presents until Christmas." "But I'm not-" "Tick tock, motherfucker."

my dog: *being treated in such a way that shame has been placed on his bloodline for one thousand years* me: ok bud now let me wipe your other paw

There's my little hunter gatherer!

Saja denies he is a real chaos demon and lies in wait to ambush all those who would say otherwise

my daughter wanted me to order her this sweater bc she thinks it looks like doris. umm no, this is a dog that’s seen terrible, terrible things

Uni is in a good mood! Look at that tiny smile :3

Local Dog Not Sure What To Do Next

“Excuse me, sir? I’d like to speak with you about the joy of star-head lag screws”

For the life of her, Chloe could not figure out how what had seemed like such a good plan, had gone so terribly, terribly wrong.

nobody: absolutely nobody: me: it’s the creature from the black legume

Uni became the box :3

Now *thats* a winning scratch ticket:) #catsky #catsofbluesky

I am the-sheets-I-got-as-a-wedding-gift-are-so-frayed-that-I-really-ought-to-throw-them-out years old

My kid is at the airport, on their way home from college for Thanksgiving 💜

tl;dr: "Avoid the CDC website, [esp.] anything on vaccines, reproductive health, environmental science, or health equity." Flu & wastewater data are still accurate, bc they're "still largely under the control of states and CDC scientists." yourlocalepidemiologist.substack.com/p/cdc-false-...

"Let's go over this one more time." "I know what-" "ONE MORE TIME." "Fine." "What is it you're looking for?" "A garbage bag." "In which room?" "The kitchen." "What do you do when you find it?" "Bring it to you here." "I'm counting on you, Tim."

Hal hadn’t survived three Thanksgivings by being stupid.

#catsky #catsofbluesky

Sorry November but I can’t do this current news cycle AND cold toes at the same time, one of you has got to go

squirrel: *points gun* me: what do you want me to do? squirrel: *gestures at sign* me: alright, i get it *opens book drop* squirrel: *makes hurry-up motion* me: NOT A SQUIRREL! squirrel: *disappears into book drop* me: *whispers* forgive me, keith

Clearly a sign of the apocalypse (ignore the dates) On second thought - maybe Satan came to earth from 2007 - 2021 and needed something to drink

#dogsky #dogsofbluesky

Amazing, no notes, I do not desire to learn anything else about this story, for it would only detract from the perfection on this headline.

pony: is this your card? me: yes! cool trick! pony: thanks me: can you do any others? pony: *sighs* no

#catsky #catsofbluesky

With our furnace not working, this seems like the right idea to me #catsky #catsofbluesky

Whoever is responsible for replacing “I’ll have the [name of dish]” with “I’m gonna do the [name of dish]” is eternally on my shit list #petpeeves

Behold the majestic German shepherd #dogsky #dogsofbluesky

Frankie tends to take things a bit literally #catsky #catsofbluesky

“It’s a dog door, a DOG door. Now, one more time, what are you?” [sigh] “I’m a horse.” “That’s right Jim, you’re a horse.”

Truth

#catsky #catsofbluesky

#dogsky #dogsofbluesky

#dogsky #dogsofbluesky

#catsky #catsofbluesky #dogsky #dogsofbluesky

None shall pass. Unless you happen to have peanut butter #dogsky #dogsofbluesky

"Hush, Horatio. Did you not hear the Dark Lord's call? Go now and summon the others, for it is the time of The Reaping. Soon we shall be bathing in the blood of our enemies." "I don't know, Max. I'm pretty sure that was just a can opener."

“Hey there, sexy ladies!” “Just ignore him, Arlene.”