😆

In 1990, I walked past Ian Krankie as he exited and I entered Woolworths in Falkirk.

Got this T-shirt, lads

He saw the light.

Me: “I always assumed the Teletubbies were babies, but the new shows have Tiddlytubbies, who clearly ARE babies. This makes me confused about the life cycle of a Teletubby and I need to know if the original four are actually sexually mature adults.” Interviewer: “I meant questions about the job.”

My three year old daughter just asked me if we can play a record. “What music would you like?” “Pink moon!” She is now sitting, genuinely rapt by the music of Nick Drake.

great, now gianni infantino has to make a “fifa uk snooker championship” trophy

I’m glad that I am not going to get worked up and over excited about Scotland’s chances at the World Cup.

BULLSHIT #WorldCupDraw

Frankly, this ceremony is making me sad that Scotland qualified for this World Cup. All Kenny Mclean’s good work undone.

It's time we faced up to the inconvenient truth that Paul McCartney murdered Rupert Bear.

Yep

Just in case the SFA are looking to refresh the Scotland badge. #scotlandnationalteam #sfa #scoden #scottmctominay #goal #overheadkick #hampdenparkstadium #scotland

John Swinney's finger hovering over the "Indyref2" button #ScoDen

If you had told me that Scotland would seal World Cup qualification with a Kenny McLean goal from the halfway line, I would have told you to fuck off. #SCODEN

One of the original Thunderbirds puppets has been seriously damaged in an arson attack. Police are holding a candlelit Virgil.

Can't believe Spike has been gone 7 years 😔

My top ten Musician/Snack mashups: 1. Golden Wonder Stuff 2. Scott Walkers 3. The Smiths 4. FKA Twiglets 5. Fleetwood McCoys 6. Nik-Nak Cave & The Bad Seeds 7. Popchips Will Eat Itself 8. Dorito Previn 9. Mott The Hula-Hoople 10. John, Paul, George and Pringle

Good God, someone's just uploaded to YouTube a nearly 2-hour long video of one of the original Vic Reeves Big Night Out live shows at the Albany Empire from 1989. www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKPU...

Breaking 1980s football news: Yourname Acrossmyheart has been signed just in time to feature in the Terence/Trent Derby

succubus - female demon that seduces men incubus - male demon that seduces women vengabus - non-binary demon that likes to party

Charles Eddie. Would i lie to you?

My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Look on my Works, ye mighty, and Despar

After yesterday’s bulb drama, I had to do it all again. My car really didn’t like the LED bulbs I put in and beeped at me to tell me the (working) lights aren’t working. Like all the time: beep… beep… beep… beep… beep… At least it went quicker today, now that I know the required 4D geometry.

Every time I change the headlight bulbs in my car, I always drop one of the light cluster mounting screws and it ends up deep inside the bumper. This time I came prepared with my (truly awesome) pound shop magnet on a stick. I immediately dropped a plastic retaining clip down inside the bumper.

"Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance to the radio..." Joy Division, live on BBC2, 15 September 1979.

Hippocrates, Euclid, Aristotle, Democritus, Pericles, Leonadis, Homer; we have beaten them all, we have beaten them all! Nana Mouskouri, can you hear me? Nana Mouskouri... your boys took a hell of a beating! Your boys took a hell of a beating! #SCOGRE

I’m not saying that Bluesky’s age verification is redundant, but by the time I held my phone far enough away from my face to take the picture, I couldn’t read the instructions anymore.

Today I have had online adverts for circumcision and the orange order. What the hell have I been clicking on to make the algorithm think I would be interested in either?

OMG

Happy birthday Jürgen Klopp.

Andor Characters and Their Counterparts in ‘Allo ‘Allo 1. Dedra Meero and Private Helga Geerhart.

I was worried about getting a nasty bite from an angry looking cow, but I managed to get away only lightly grazed.

I’m no expert, but I think my toaster is telling me they haven’t chosen a new pope yet.

I am finding it hard to mourn the loss of WH Smith today, as my heart never really got over losing John Menzies.

Yesterday I bought a pair of gloves that say “HEAD” on them, but I want to put them on my hands.

How did Mr Tumble sneakily recreating the cover to Black Sabbath's debut album escape me for so many years?

“I've just injected steroids into my arm" "Anabolic?" "No, just my arm"

One day, I will get off my lazy arse and make the music specific account that I always intended to - since that hasn’t happened yet, I will post here that I am playing at The Bridge Inn in Ratho tonight from 8pm. If anybody happens to be passing that way this evening, do pop in to say hello.

Mark Zuckerberg, Recipient of World's First Rat Penis Transplant, Announces Meta Will Stop Fact Checking thehardtimes.net/culture/mark...

clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am, in a strictly organised clowns and jokers shop

[at food truck] Me: "May I get a bowl of the Chicken Pho?" Waiter: "Yes, you wanna spoon?" Me: "Sure, what time do you get off?"

Have you seen the size of Jacob Rees-Mogg's massive son?

Massive away win for the little fella.