This year has felt like being awake during surgery but also it’s unsuccessful surgery and also also now you have an infection and none of that is covered by your insurance anymore

One thing I kind of hate about the customer experience in 2025 is that everything sucks ass but then asks you to take a five minute survey on it sucking ass

Introvert happiness is simple: Wi-Fi, food, and a comfy bed. Pure bliss.

I always get pissed off when lettuce gets recalled for making lots of people sick because it’s like fuck man you know what doesn’t get recalled? Reeses Peanut Butter Cups.

New York! Come see Emily Skinner and I in Pen Pals Off Broadway for the next two weeks! We rehearsed it and EVERYTHING. youtu.be/5ydjNyz1fSI?...

“This is a mistake” - I whisper as I leave my house

🥺 ⁉️ 🌊 ☠️ 🖤

Went to a family members elementary school Christmas concert and it’s pretty wild how many adults feel totally free to say stuff like “so then the fucking engine just quit on me and I was like FUCKKKKKKK” as a little kid is pretending to be a Christmas tree 20 feet away from them

A few days ago on this site we were all talking about the Mad Man vomit hose. I miss us.

This composition had eluded me for nearly a decade, but yesterday I was finally able to capture it. A train rolled through just as the Duquesne Incline was crossing over the tracks in #Pittsburgh, creating a picture perfect winter scene. It was worth the hours and hours I've waited over the years.

I live in constant fear of failing a sobriety test while I’m stone cold sober just because I’m super nervous and also kind of an idiot most of the time

And then I was like, whatever motherfuckers. And then the motherfuckers whatevered

Great culture can save lives. Literally. Amazing letter in today’s @thetimes.com about Tom Stoppard

They are selling stirrup leggings again. I repeat: THEY ARE SELLING STIRRUP LEGGINGS AGAIN. File that under: things you never imagined would come back.

"go on without me..."

Saw a video pop up of a dog that lost 100 pounds and it was framed as a thing where the dog devoted itself to losing weight through an act of self-betterment instead of the dog’s owner just putting less food in the bowl

No actor in the history of tv or cinema has said “you think I’m crazy?” more than Claire Danes in her entire body of work

☕️ 🧊 📼 😱 🖤

i’m so happy for him

thank you for putting a wide variety of $600+ items on your holiday gift guides. I never know how to spend my gift budget of $600+ per person

I don’t like agreeing to plans too far ahead because I can’t predict how I’ll feel on that day. At the same time, I don’t like last-minute plans either, as it’s too short notice. Anyone relate?

Introverts: do you ever just agree with someone to end the conversation and keep your peace because arguing feels pointless and you already know the truth, and you just want the talking to stop?

One of the cruelest tricks society played on creative people was planting the idea that being proud of your work is somehow unseemly and egotistical. You made a thing! You like it! You SHOULD be proud of it. Brag all you want!

I remember a time, a long, long time ago now, when I used to go entire seconds without hearing something about the President of the United States of America.

Autocorrect has become our worst enema.

I’d like to see Claire Danes play a lady for whom everything is going great and nothing worries her at all. Maybe she’s not even a lead, just the lead’s friend who lives in comfort, amusement, and delight. I think she’s earned it.

Pirates of the Caribbean soundtracks never fail to work as background music when I have to do shit. On task as FUCK right now.

is it just me or is autocorrect completely insane now?

Part 1 of BEST FRIEND QUESTIONS: Come see a play about best friends performed by ACTUAL best friends. We’ll be doing the two hander @penpalsplay Off Broadway from Dec 10-21 at the DR2 Theatre! Part 2 and Part 3 coming soon. youtu.be/4PGg_WWNH58?...

‘you know if you’re not actually dead you have to feed me’

My feed right now

Remember calories don’t count if you’re eating it over the sink and crying

Sure I *could* talk to you on the phone for ninety seconds…or we can sort this out over hundreds of misinterpreted text messages and three months of broken email chains like adults

Does anyone else feel like they can go weeks without talking to anyone and be completely fine?

Matter fact, I’m not arguing anymore. If you tell me my lawn is blue I’m just gon look at you and respond “apple juice” and continue about my day. I’m tired.

People don’t talk enough about the frozen coffee at Cafe du Monde, a heavenly beverage