fucking chair

I used to be afraid of earthquakes but I shook it off.

A friendless prick writes:

One the eve of ‘Restaurants and Greetings Cards Companies Saw You Coming’ Day, my least romantic date was copping off with someone after a funeral.

Are these the actual lyrics? I’ve been mishearing this for years

Nothing boosts your morale like people forgetting they had a meeting with you.

Seems the best way to avoid being in the news is to be a completely corrupt danger working with Nigel Farage/Reform UK.

UK DECISION TO BAN PALESTINE ACTION AS TERROR GROUP UNLAWFUL, LONDON'S HIGH COURT RULES

Did anyone manage to get that Thurston Moore NOW JAZZ NOW book? I’ve never seen it be in stock anywhere, and there isn’t even a link to buy it on the website anymore.

The guy who first suggested doing double luge must have had to build up his confidence a bit first.

Welcome to Choosing a Mug

fucking cesspits

Kenny is barking at my ironed laundry. I feel judged.

What was the most famous PIN and mother's maiden name and your first pet at your high school?

reminds me of this one from a Puppeteers convention where Fozzie finds out he is a puppet www.youtube.com/watch?v=Blzm...

What's so amazing about Jim Henson as a puppeteer is that he could literally be explaining that Kermit is made out of felt and ping pong balls and yet Kermit still feels alive the whole time he's doing it

I really hate this mode of discourse. I don't give a shit if he apologises or not, because I don't give a flying fuck what he thinks, and neither should anyone else. He's just some cunt.

Pam Bondi has been a complete and total failure at her job. The Epstein survivors showed more courage just by being in that room than she did under oath. She refused to answer questions and chose complicity. America deserves better.

‘Humans caught eating’ shocker.

Hey Wes, the NHS is falling to fucking pieces, mate, y’know, when you’ve got a mo.

It's all too easy to slag off someone as awful as Kid Rock, so you've really got no reason not to.

Withering Depths. #amirite

With this thoughtful buying of prime media sites, I don't see how it can fail.

Love you Mum. Love you Dad. Mmm. Love you too Gerald ❤️

New Mackenzie Crook programme is lovely.

Evening.

Once again I am mad at this dickhead for not staying in the nice warm ocean and leading to all this human nonsense

In my slightly detached state I’ve been confusing Bad Bunny with Jive Bunny, the novelty pop act from the late 80s.

Superb stuff www.instagram.com/reel/DUEVwe9...

It's not even midnight and we're already at "Deport Elmo."

Small Prophets, the new series from Mackenzie Crook, co-starring Pearce Quigley and Michael Palin, starts tonight at 10pm on BBC Two. It's the @radiotimes.bsky.social Pick of the Day.

I made a map of 3.4 million Bluesky users - see if you can find yourself! bluesky-map.theo.io I've seen some similar projects, but IMO this seems to better capture some of the fine-grained detail

Good morning. The President of the United States was in the middle of the most serious child sex trafficking ring of the last quarter century. He is referenced not a dozen times in the case files. Not 100 times. Not 1,000 times. He’s referenced 38,000 times.

Wild stuff from Jonathan here, contingent as it is upon everyone agreeing to pretend they don’t know him and his mates fought for years to put the Peter Mandelson wing of the party back in charge, and that their core aim in all of their careers was to be much like Peter Mandelson.

The Times calls Keir Starmer's decision to hire Peter Mandelson an "egregious error" which deserves an "inquiry into the appointment process." Not included is any demand for an inquiry into their own appointment of him, long after his post-conviction relationship with Jeffrey Epstein was exposed

Its wild to see members of the PLP say 'we simply wouldn't have won without McSweeney.' Lads, you were shooting fish in a very small mug. A magic 8 ball could orchestrate a win over 2024's tories. The reason you are facing an existential crisis right now tho is McSweeney.

BREAKING: The Epstein survivors are releasing this ad on this Super Bowl Sunday to send the message that they will not “move on” from the largest sex trafficking scandal in the world. #standwithsurvivors

H/t @jollygoodginger.bsky.social, OPERATION DILDO BLITZ IS A GO

Mum has been transferred to another hospital. The ward has closed due to a norovirus outbreak. My brother visited her, was then extremely ill himself, passed out, sustained a head injury and is now in hospital. Happy Sunday and please wash your hands.

There are like 4 band names in this headline

Former Washington Post journalists have launched a GoFundMe to help repatriate fired staff members who are effectively stranded in foreign countries. One of the richest men in the world fired them from the paper and didn’t even pay to ensure they got home. Abolish the billionaire class:

Yeah I saw 3 different people say "stein" like the drinking vessel in parliament the other day. Nowt about it in the papers.

Odd. I can remember people being absolutely convinced Jeremy Corbyn pronouncing 'Epstein' properly was certain proof that he was anti-semitic, yet lately I've noticed loads of people have trouble remembering Jeffrey Epstein pronounced his name 'Epsteen' and nobody's said any such thing about them.