The med-tech walked in: "Jennifer? Hi, I'm here to take some blood for some lab work..." I looked up: "I also heard there was going to be a tasting?"

this is basically portland's version of a haka

Pete Hegseth was grasping so desperately for iconic clout in front of that big American flag, his new nickname should be Patton Pending.

I keep getting YouTube ads for "tactical hoodies", boasting how your girlfriend's fanny pack or your mommy's hoodie won't protect you in THE WILD! You need the TACTICAL MULTI POCKET.... I hate this side of the gene pool. Fuckin' sucks.

Post something random or have an awful October

I’m not a huge fan of Kimmel, but in tonight’s monologue, he referred to Pete Hegseth as FAFO Schwarzkopf. And I’m dead.

Those British comics at the Riyadh comedy festival. What did they think it was? Filming a pilot for Mock the Sheikh?

Oh you know… just a bag of Lego scale dildos, like you do.

Michael Scott watched Hegseth's performance and cringed. "Jesus, have some self respect!"

It’s funny to consider that Hegseth is precisely the sort of person for whom Sun-Tzu actually wrote The Art of War, and is thus the kind of person who fundamentally cannot understand it

To be fair, some of those Guardsmen were probably scared out of their mind, what with being surrounded by all those... thingies... the... like iPads but slower... Books?

There it is…

I mean... who didn't see something like this coming? Hands up, everyone who's sur... NOT LIKE THAT!!!! gizmodo.com/the-adl-defe...

“Hey Chris, do you like music that makes you uncomfortable?” What. The. Fuck?

I need to go to China…

🧵Spotted on Market Day in Aotearoa New Zealand: A small human (4?) is walking along, carefully shielding his plushie dragon toy from passersby. Frowning sternly at the world while giving Dragon a comforting pat on his furry scales. He is Dragon's friend and he will protect him. (1)

Is the ultimate goal of modern masculinity just avoiding ever being seen as a victim?

I don't just "disagree" with JD Vance. I think he's a dangerous psychopath who wants nothing more than to turn our nation into a banana republic using a playbook we should all recognize from Germany in the 1930s. I disagree with friends about pineapple on pizza. We are not the same.

One thing we've learned in the last 12 hours: The Sinclair-Nexstar ban on Kimmel, in terms of his reach, means nothing in an era when late-night shows have an afterlife or simultaneous life on streaming. Kimmel's average audience is 1.6M. On YouTube, last night's monologue is already at 8.4M views.

Imagine it's 2002 and you're sitting around watching the Man Show and a time traveler appears in the room and tells you about the past 48 hours

Trump said he was bringing jobs back to America...

Sinclair refusing to air Kimmel? They might as well tell me I can't buy my groceries from them anymore. "You never could!" Exactly. But the people who pay attention are doing a lot to share who advertises on the local Sinclair station. And their contact information. Whoops!

And *this* is linked to a terror and rage at the possibility that their children, which are their property, do not conform to their expectations. A sick cultural dominance game driving every aspect of the Western conservative movement..

I know antifa isn't a real organization because I don't get 40 texts a week from them asking for donations.

I’ll say this today, to all those who’ll be leaving us tomorrow: Happy Rapture, holy folks!

Conservatives want to be the victims so badly... blockclubchicago.org/2025/09/19/v...

if comedy is illegal at least Bill Maher is safe

Just got my Covid and my flu jab because fuck the Trump reign of Error. Release the Epstein Files! Also, y’know, I don’t want to die of a disease?

Our country loves taking advice from people who grew up wishing to escape small towns, then getting too scared to leave and finally angry at cities for existing at all.

The correct response to the rising tide of fascism and authoritarianism is and will always be "NO" and also "FUCK YOU".

Your envious. It’s ok, I get it.

Honoring Charlie Kirk's memory by ruining the lives of anyone who accurately quotes Charlie Kirk

Republicans: "Debate me, bro." Also Republicans: "Sir, Jimmy Kimmel has launched another one-liner, I don't know how many more we can take! We have no choice but to use the power of the state to stop him before he destroys us all."

“I don’t want no scrubs… Then don’t hang out around hospitals.

It is the job of the Democratic party to sell and defend the policies that most Democratic voters want, not to present a candidate slate that is palatable to moderate Republicans who might switch if they hate their own candidate enough.

I think the most annoying part of this is that if you’re asking people to vote for constituents who aren’t fighting for their livelihood- hell, their HUMANITY, then you’re literally just asking people to vote to keep you in your position of power for your own self interest.

My Doctor. Abso-fucking-lately my Doctor.

“No worries at all! Sorry you’re having a tough day, give me a shout whenever you feel up to it :)” is a strong love language

- Today, in the White House to Beltway Dems: YOU ArE A DoMESTic TerROR NeTWoRk, wE WiLl SHuT YOu dOwn!11! - Today, in Beltway Dems to the White House:

Bargatze doing the most conspicuous-consumption iteration of “asshole who sets cash tip on the table and pulls a dollar back every time the waitress is slow with a refill” sure does make me feel like I don’t have to care about him or his work ever again

This gets to something that as a former stand-up I recognized but couldn’t name. A 31 year old professional content creator baiting 19 year old amateurs into the format of his choice isn’t debate, it’s crowd work. It’s debate-shaped crowd work farmed for content.

We’ve been living through 72 nonstop hours of this exact tweet

This is excellent. Just this week I was getting to explain to my Austrian visitors that the Hitler “Man Of The Year” issue was the culmination of an ENTIRE YEAR of propaganda articles about the greatness of Nazi Germany arranged by Goebbels. A lot of normalizing fluff.

I wish nothing on Charlie Kirk that he hadn't already wished on me, my friends, my loved ones and my family. He was a bigot, a racist, a fascist, a nazi and generally hate filled trash. Just like everyone around them, including his widow.

Charlie Kirk's widow gave a press conference where she told “the evil-doers responsible for my husband’s assassination”, that “if you thought that my husband’s mission was powerful before, you have no idea what you just have unleashed across this entire country and this world”.

Losing my Positions by REM-a Grande

Get 4 weeks of unlimited digital access for $1. Unending silence with no access? Priceless.

For the people in the back, bigotry is not an opinion…

Oregon governor Tina Kotek, a gay woman, is ordering flags to be flown at half-staff to honor a podcaster who said gay people should be stoned to death.

“You don’t have to agree with someone’s politics to mourn…” When their politics lead to a world view that is diametrically opposed to mine? Again it comes down to I will agree to disagree about pizza toppings, not human rights.