going "oh, banana!" every time i pick one up in super monkey ball 2 for the gamecube

Jar Jar Binks in a fight with his gf

me: we're all so mired in discourse and the cruelty of our world. that we've turned harsh and acidic. why bother to keep going? japanese guinea pig account: tofu-chan is a little ugly, but she's very friendly. grow big and strong, tofu-chan! me, tearing up again: grow big and strong, tofu-chan...

Another inaccuracy I noticed in Spider-Man 2 is Mr Ditkovich sheepishly pulling up his pants in front of Ursula. No Slavic man would be embarrassed to be in their underwear in front of their child

asking my dentist if im a bad person

the peace and joy of being fat

I could’ve sworn my vibrator only had 3 settings with a consistent vibration before it went into the woody woodpecker bullshit, but today I discovered there’s a fourth with an even higher level of strength. I was like “did I unlock this? I must have unlocked this”

changing my fundraiser because my roommates and I are no longer able to afford to stay here I need to find a room and I need to raise money to move in, im sorry I have to do this, im tired and I just want to survive please help if you can, I need to live ca$happ= $ValterraBella ¥enmo= @VeeBeeExx

Alexei Navalny was watching Pickle Rick on the flight where he almost died from being poisoned

contestant on Gay Wheel of Fortune during Before And After : i'd like to solve, Gay Pat. Community Service Top!

ohh... it's called laundry because you hang it out in the laun to dry

What the fuck is even going on right now? All of this shit is happening at the same time. This isn't a problem, it's a goddamn epidemic.

I’m like if jesus christ was a girl

ohh it's called a roomba because it cleans the floor, like a baroom

less delicious chicken recipe called Have a One Night Stand with Me Chicken

inventing the auntie dom: a cooler dom you only see occasionally that lets you do stuff your mommy dom doesn't

vegetable lard is a crazy concept

the fact that I’m horniest not when I’m ovulating but right before my period shows that even my body is a procrastinator

“If I had enough time I would have drawn a man looking lost” -Cassie when the Skribbl.io prompt was ‘clit’

Woke Drake: that's right, i like my girls SJW

tis better to have fucked around and found out than never to have fucked around at all

All I know is that I better fucking get my usual 30 dolls for Christmas

what people think black sabbath is like: i worship the devil, satan is my lord what black sabbath is like: seven hundredth unicorn is waiting in the skies / a symptom of the universe, a love that never dies

Balls

Every time I go outside and see a cat, I’m like, oh shit, a cat!

City of Cock, Are you cumming just for me?

smoking on that shit that made the tree give

mordecai and rigby stop freakin it in a sensitive style and GET BACK TO WORK!!

why is my dad texting me like a bottom

last night was a mesothelioma PSA

RIDE LIKE THE WIND MOOMOO!!!

Ty for drawing me

*takes progesterone once* i want to fuck mr. worldwide

conversation between me and my wife just now her: i'm going to pour a glass of wine, you want some me: sure, sounds good

i must be the american south the way i made his missus sip pee

The governor has declared: Today, let's eat. Andy Isaac, of @WorldofIsaac social media fame, wouldn't have it any other way. Gov. Gretchen Whitmer has issued an official state proclamation to refer to today, Saturday, March 8, as "Faturday," in honor of… #Faturday #Michigan #DetroitSports

It’s the hard part of the month when rent’s going to wipe out most of my paycheck for the next couple weeks so if you like my tweets/writing and would like to leave a tip I’d definitely appreciate!

ass so fat she shit from da front

I love u fat ppl

wow i can't believe i have such a profound impact on Mick Jagger career with my comments