One of my “easy to peel” mandarin oranges wasn’t so easy to peel. I guess you could say I’ve known hardship in my life.

@ladyreezy.bsky.social Buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.

Four GOP Senators. At most four Repubs in the House. Together they could stop nearly all the mad-king's rampages. They would be known to history as Profiles in Courage. They might/would lose the next election. But people have sacrificed a lot more, for a lot less.

what a legend lmao

Scroll on phone till I’m falling asleep.Better pee before I fall asleep.Now I’m wide awake.Scroll on phone till I’m falling asleep. Better pee before I fall asleep. Now I’m wide awake.Scroll on phone till I’m falling asleep.Better pee before I fall asleep.Now I’m wide awake.Scroll on phone till I’m

@coveredmywagon.blacksky.app Are you getting your hopes up?

all my life I was told that America had the greatest system of government ever — but all I can see is one party high-fiving itself over the state-sponsored murder of its citizens, and the other party impotently writing strongly-worded letters about it. WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK

Pulled on a hangnail and it went all the way down to my knee.

Just like your mom.

In the end it all comes down to tiddies.

Two things I wish I could give up forever. Trimming ear/nose hair. Cleaning the shower.

British Teen Returning From Semester In U.S. Regales Friends With Tale Of Food That Tastes Good https://theonion.com/british-teen-returning-from-semester-in-u-s-regales-friends-with-tale-of-food-that-tastes-good/

The only one who can save us now.

In the year of our Lord 2026 women are still putting no DMs in their bio instead of switching them off.

Might start a reverse Only Fans where I send people pics of my unkempt eyebrows and dry elbows, and they pay me $17.99/month to stop.

She holds all her wisdom in her upper lip wrinkles.

Members of Congress: stop posting online and APPEAR, PHYSICALLY on the steps of the Capitol to decry this unconstitutional violation of domestic & international law. SHOW THE PEOPLE the level of danger we are facing as a country. @housedemocrats.bsky.social @senatedemocrats.bsky.social

I’d take the oath with my hand on her tit.

I’ve fulfilled my New Year’s resolution of eating a McGriddle.

my son was like where’d you learn that and I was like….we figured shit out before the internet bruh

I'm concerned as to what sort of crimes Barbie has committed that require her to be lashed to the cardboard like Hannibal Lecter.

Your mom emptied all the sacks last night.

On this day, a child was born who left an indelible mark on human history, transforming our understanding of the world. Famous for his long hair, he unraveled the mysteries of the heavens and brought light to the world. Happy Birthday, Sir Isaac Newton. (Born Dec 25, 1642, Julian Calendar)

The British aversion to using a microwave is why the empire fell.

Carol of the Bells in # Kyiv subway. Voices of the Embassies of Germany, France, and the United Kingdom came together to perform Shchedryk in the Kyiv metro as a sign of solidarity with Ukraine. Thankful to everyone who stands with us!

Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance..

@ladyreezy.bsky.social @sammylou.bsky.social I can’t watch a Bills game anymore without wondering what the Reezy sisters are thinking.

“Of all things, I liked books best.” ― Nikola Tesla

Had to bump up my reading glasses to the next magnification. Ear horn and compression socks are in my near future.

In the U.S. we study math and physics. In the U.K. they study maths and physicsesesesssss.

Convicted Felon Donald Trump's Truth Social post about Rob and Michele Reiner is disgusting filth. It reflects the depravity of this soulless ghoul and how he is incapable of decency and good judgment.

I see the English language changing one post at a time. Using “of” when “have” is the word you’re looking for…could of, would of, should of 🙄

The two beer buzz is God’s greatest gift to humanity.

She had a nose Karl Malden would be proud of.

Merry Griftmas! Melania’s 12 days of Chreesmas!

This bag is too good for cat poop… and other thoughts from a plastic bag connoisseur.

Why do so many restaurants refuse to cook their fries until they are crispy? Even when I specifically ask for very crispy fries, they are still limp and unsatisfying

Choo choo!!

When ignorance could still be bliss.

Wear what you dig.

Back in my day, we watched year-round. Even if most folks knew at the start of the season who was going to the ship, it was still a good season of teams battling it out. NBA was appointment TV, as soon as that NBA on NBC sounds played you knew Jordan & the Bulls or somebody was about to ball out

California things

Just dropped the kids off at the pool and there was a floater so I think I’m gonna have 7 years of good luck.

If they ever get around to building this thing, it should be bulldozed on Day 1 of a new administration. No messing around, no hemming and hawing about procedure or costs. Order heavy equipment in and start knocking it down immediately, as surely as an overthrown tyrant's statues would be torn down.

We are now further away from the theatrical release of Raiders of the Lost Ark (June 12, 1981) than it was from the year it takes place in (1936). We have reached the Indiana Jones event horizon.

I’m never eating again.