A lot of the time I feel very melancholy, but also horny. Melanchorny™️

Coachella is about a soccer coach that just wants to escape her cruel stepmother and stepsisters and go to the ball

Over 8 billion reasons to ditch fossil fuels in one photo.

ME (trying a chocolate covered espresso bean): mmm… love these dirt-flavored M&Ms

The levels of desperation you experience from customer service reps when trying to cancel an insurance policy is really something to behold.

*drinking Jack Daniels with a Twizzler straw out of a hollow chocolate Easter Bunny*

rize’n’shine sleepyhead

in persian culture, telling someone "we're going to kill you all" is considered deeply offensive

✨lil’ bit of the ol’ magic hour✨

The flashback scenes in Edward Scissorhands imply he is a robot, however he can eat food and his face bleeds when he gets cut. What the fuck is Edward Scissorhands?!

Dekonstrukto EP out now ⚡️🎧⚡️ open.spotify.com/artist/1Jkk0...

i asked a magic 8 ball if everything was going to be ok and it collapsed in on itself like a dying star is that good

One of those harmonica holders like Bruce Springsteen has, except for eating corn on the cob while I look at my phone

My flower painting 🌼

#Minneapolis 🫶🏻

Steller's jay showing off its fine #blue #stripes. #BirdOfTheDay 📷🌿🪶

There should be a button on every Zillow rental listing that lets you send the landlord to jail

Weird creative choice by ABC to have R.J. Decker’s full name be “Recker Jecker Decker”

FRIDAY!

My debut EP is out now on all streaming platforms. Please share and play ⚡️LOUD⚡️ open.spotify.com/album/51Zv4Z...

My debut EP is out now on all streaming platforms. Please share and play ⚡️LOUD⚡️ open.spotify.com/album/51Zv4Z...

We’ve told all the casting agents that the Weird Al biopic sequel is currently on hold, but they just keep sending in headshots.

AI is here to stay, says man sweating as he tries to find just one real world application to justify the resources and investment.

BlueSky Engagement Level: crickets on NyQuil

This man can’t win one election in Minnesota but apparently I won three offices simultaneously 😂

my favorite water tower and my Foo Fighters bridge all tore up 😢

Let Cunk host the Oscars next year

Oh no, Chuck Norris died. Today they are flying the Canon Films logo at half-mast

Call me when they make a “Project Hail Satan”

DMV won’t let me use the Dune font on my new driver’s license 😭😭😭

Winnie Hollmann as Red Sonja in Esquire Magazine - May 1977

The opposite of “scissors gliding through wrapping paper” is “pushing your snow shovel like a plow and it catches on a crack in the sidewalk” 👎👎

Just finding out that “The Manosphere” isn’t a fun Gay SciFi movie 👎

Released a 4 song LP of my Synthwave music today. Please share and play it LOUD. stagg.bandcamp.com/album/dekons...

The way Jason Bateman pronounces the f-word he’s somehow adding multiple h’s in there

After a long day at work, I like to slip into a nice warm, relaxing quicksand

You’d think Skeletor would live in a place called Castle GraySKULL, but you’d be wrong - it’s Snake Mountain. You’d also think the character Teela who wears a cobra-themed helmet would hang out at Snake Mountain. Wrong again. Castle Grayskull.

Spring is sprang 🌱

This movie War Machine on Netflix was actually a solid SciFi Action movie until the last 10 minutes where it turns into a propaganda film / unironic version of Starship Troopers 🤪 #dumb

don’t forget to destroy your clocks tonight, walk away from your mortgage, just start driving, you’re free