Nothing makes me unfollow some cis gay’s page faster than them posting H*rry P*tter content. Read literally any other book.

It’s so crazy when people smugly expect me to defend Bill Clinton. Bro when he was president I was picking between Charmander, Squirtle, and Bulbasaur, and Ricky Martin wasn’t out of the closet yet

me when I’m lobotomized

I’ll be having a good day and BOOM another Tanjiro form in Hinokami Chronicles 2 #demonslayer

💫🐶

Hmm I wonder what prompted this change

”I’m looking for masc tops” how about you and your unvaccinated ass looks for mask shops. I need this sense of smell for ass and balls!!!

Back from the dermatologist and can say ya boi is 100% melanoma free!!! I’m getting pizza to celebrate :3c

maybe this grilled cheese and soup will fix me

I once joined a certain gay dating app, not the famous one. An overwhelming amount of profiles had the phrase "FF active" on them. Excited about finding gaymers, I asked one guy "What's your favourite Final Fantasy?" Turns out, FF does not stand for Final Fantasy. 🥲

I’m gay and during a period of time when I was homeless and it was snowing outside, the SA turned me away because I mentioned having a boyfriend. Fuck them, they don’t deserve our money.

It used to be so much easier on the internet. You’d have a video of a dramatic chipmunk and everyone would agree it was perfect but then you could add a little lightsaber to him and everyone would go huzzah now the text is even richer

[CW Watersports!] If you get marked by a werewolf, are you forever his to do as he pleases?

The $2,000 rebate could be the friends you made along the way

Back from Japan, drinking heavily, and about to crack into these matcha chocolate-covered strawberries I got over there. Even if vacation is over, life is still worth living 🥹

The gambling ad backlash is real. 68% of gamblers say sports betting advertising encourages risky or unethical behavior. This is from people who already gamble on sports, not the general public.

Announcing that I bought Ubisoft and I'm making the next Assassin's Creed star Yasuke again but his penis is out the whole time and it's uncut and he doesn't shave

donald trump is a pedophile

Listening to death grips + adderall hitting

someone left a wallet in the Ginza station bathroom and while I was rifling through it to be a shady bitch I found their whole ass passport and now I have to be a good citizen six drinks deep FFUCK

The new Caroline Flack documentary on Disney+, which follows her mum, Chris, as she unpicks why her daughter was charged - and why the tabloids tore her to shreds - is full of details that leave you stunned. As much as it’s about how Caroline’s life was wrecked, it’s about how anyone’s could be

I think about the Lil Wayne lyric "real G's move in silence like lasagna" at least once a week.

I still really wanna make a list of videogame cigarettes and how they affect you in game. Like “System Shock 2: depletes health and replenishes psi” and “Metal Gear Solid: depletes health, reveals laser tripwires”. I’m obsessed with how cigarettes are implemented in such funny ways

Calling both of my D senators while I’m on vacation to tell them that nothing less than voting for new minority leadership is acceptable and that they need to be *furious* about ending the shutdown. If I can do that while I’m on a once in a lifetime vacation, you can do it right now!

Assume all the yes and no votes from Dem senators are strategic and not sincere votes. The party caucus made a decision. No way to know how many were in favor. Then the caucus decided who would vote yes and no based on what would protect each of them politically the most. That’s how this works.

this is legitimately so embarrassing

trapping my mortal enemy in a condensed cube of Los Angeles circa 1986, rapidly aging them a million years via secondhand smoke

*hugs you* *hugs you* *hugs you* *hugs you* *hugs you* *hugs you* *hugs you* *hugs you* *hugs you* *hugs you* *hugs you* *hugs you* *hugs you* *hugs you* *hugs you* *hugs you* *hugs you* *hugs you* *hugs you* *hugs you* *hugs you* *hugs you* *hugs you* *hugs you* *hugs you* *hugs you* *hugs you*

SOCRATES: No god is a philosopher or seeker after wisdom, for he is wise already; nor does any man who is wise seek after wisdom. PLATO: Neither do the ignorant seek after wisdom. DARRYL, SOCRATES AND PLATO’S FRIEND: well well well if it isn’t the blowjob brothers

yo, when haters and fake friends have killed the vibe its time to bounce fr fr remember to cut down the vein instead of across dawg peace xoxo

Richest nation in human history

Alright, here it comes: [has diarrhea all over myself and everyone around me]

🤤

Vijay Prashad on why China is a Socialist country. One of the biggest reason: Yes, China does have capitalists, but it doesn't allow its capitalists to operate as an organised class.

There should be a Russian roulette vape where 1 out of every 6 hits is a flavor that gives you herpes

Just told my 10yo daughter about #ZohranMamdani. She had tears of joy in her eyes. And then she did the Wakanda pose and said "#Zohrkanda forever" -- which is the sort of pop culture cross-over that I can celebrate

Nintendo museum tickets secured! Suicide POSTPONED!!!

don't worry i'm being paid by Nike to pace around frantically with a revolver repeating "just do it just do it just do it"

saying "up at this hour" when it's not even 11 pm on the west coast is geocentrism

the women screaming and crying in 2016 feminist cringe compilation videos are utterly vindicated and deserve an apology

Drone strikes but for comedy venues.

the coming democratic backlash will see austin's comedy mothership burned to the ground. tony hinchcliffe will be made to do land acknowledgements before state-mandated punching up