More like Bored of Peace? Amirite

who called it Heated Rivalry and not Fuck Ice

i just keep coming back to a major reason we’re in this mess is because men were convinced their dicks would fall off and theyd grow vaginas if they didnt vote trump or they were worried other dudes would think they wanted to suck dick or something

Knuckleballer for the Seattle Pilots.

Everyone, unbeknownst to each other, was on theme this year.

Covid to Liam: ... but what i do have is a particular set of spike proteins. Spike proteins that make me a nightmare for people like you.

Makin' some chairs. Improved a bit after first attempt. Using bailing wire instead of existing cork wire helped.

How much do i swear? @profanity.accountant

You know what they call The Hunger Games in France? Battle Royale with cheese

Pier Paolo Pasolini pitching Saloʻ today: It's a graphic retelling of The 120 Days of Sodom but with politicians, clergy, and titans of industry as the pedo sadists. It's a metaphor for what the fascists did to my country. Studio head: i don't think you know how metaphors work

ive been saying this for years but the last thing i need is to hear more points of fucking view. points of view is how we got into this fucking mess. we need like a 99% reduction in points of fucking view. oh you've got an opinion about stuff do you? stick it up your ass dingus

Be right back hon, just gotta run to the store.

So it goes.

Anatoly Dyatlov: What does the breathalyzer say? Alexandr Akimov: 0.337 BAC. But that's as high as the meter... Anatoly Dyatlov: 0.337 - not great, not terrible.

Pam Bondi opening her notes and looking at "More like Weldon Shitehouse, am I right?"

"no in the future people will cryptographically verify what's true and-" no they will not. People are fucking stupid.

Or get 25 points.

can never forget that Fred Trump spent his later years totally gaga but surrounded by a gaggle of senility-denial-enablers who drove him to a make believe office where a make believe secretary had him sign make believe papers—which sounds cute til you see the sequel & the secretary is Stephen Miller

*smacking the side of the phone* Give me happier information

If these can figure it out... youtu.be/1_GUmXl_dcg?...

I think about this all the time

What are some of his most famous quotes you could carve into the pedestal?

/3 Trumpists and most of the new Right are shitty people with shitty values from a shitty culture. Responding to their violence with violence may not solve a damn thing. There are good arguments against it. But don’t let them pose for a millisecond as anything but the gleeful thug trash they are.

- you clean up that banksy? - sure did, your honour, leaving a perfect, permanent outline, imbuing the work with real fuckin gravitas while making its point better than the artist did himself just like you asked

Absolutely brilliant satire. "These “Guess Stops” will be staffed by special agents known as Guess Stop Officers, or “Guess-Stop-O” for short. The Guess-Stop-O will make crime disappear by making undesirable people disappear."

F Scott Fitzgerald

AI's should form a union.

Nobody show him this. youtu.be/Yhfd9dIkXEk?...

A Captcha, but for comedy. Click every box that contains a joke.

hour 16 of being chained to the cracker barrel in amarillo, texas. i will not end my hunger strike until my demands for the font kerning to be less woke are met. i am 64 years old and i donate $500 a month to charlie kirk.

i am so sick of the dumbest people alive being in charge of everything and the second dumbest people alive writing opinion columns about how it's good

Democrats whining about being disliked and unpopular have been shown the way forward, by the shallowest and least sincere man on earth: tell Trump to fuck off and they still won't do it 🙃

Future historian: Well, the South started sending its National Guard troops into Washington, D.C. because a 19-year-old named Big Balls was assaulted by two 15-year-olds. Please stop laughing this is serious

How many times do I have to say it? No drop, only throw #dogsofbluesky

No no no, here's the deal. No drop, only throw. #darthbluesky.bsky.social

CHIEF: I’ll need your badge and your service weapon. ME: [puts a badge and a Quiznos Turkey Ranch Swiss on the desk] CHIEF: Both of ‘em. ME: [hesitates then bends over and unstraps a McRib from my ankle]

[writing the constitution] Benjamin Franklin: Write down "no dumb fucks as president" Alexander Hamilton: Stop saying that Benjamin Franklin: I'm tellin' you. You're gonna regret not writing that down

Apparently proving that this administration cannot indict a ham sandwich.

as someone who immediately subconsciously picks up local dialects whenever i travel—and, yeah, someone originally from the midwest—this is a fascinating podcast

@jimacosta.bsky.social interview AI Virginia Guiffre

I miss when republics declined because of lead pipes or something. instead my culture got digital access to the entirety of human knowledge and went immediately insane

Not many bought his rhetoric at the time, but everyone who did started a brand.

When you hail a Tesla robot cab, it will now heil back

haha, sorry, nice try.

Fun fact: the bus at the end of THE GRADUATE also couldn't slow down without exploding.