"Memory foam" is a good monster concept

What the hell

I don’t need to understand something to fear it

Quit your doomerism and start your exhumerism 🪏

"unc" only works as an insult to by-marriage uncles of pre-existing niblings. They're the only ones who chose it.

godblessdygook

Need to realign my feed for just posts like this

galactic council

Jackpot

What do you mean these diapers are limited edition? What am I supposed to do with that?

✨Get excited! We’re going to start adding a new poison to all food. 💬 That’s great! 💬 What are the benefits of the poison? 💬 How can I receive more poison? 💬 Something else

I hate that the sparkle icon is shorthand for AI. They want us to think it’s magic. Fuck you!!! Magic is when you lose a glob of mustard from your sandwich but it doesn’t land on you. When you win at 20 questions. Sparkles belong to Liberace. A baby’s smiling eyes. I will put you in the ground!!!!!!

First cold brew batch of the year. It turned out more of a concentrate 😎 that means a twofer

"inside" is such a scam. "Look, I arranged some rocks and wood! This is somewhere else now."

Happy Mar10 Day!

mould rhymes with could

The types would be Slime Mud Water Salt Vegetable Blood Fungus Bacteria Fossil Mineral Drugs Fairy Ghost Memory Dream

the spoils of running errands

Challenging the Grim Reaper to a match of crocodile dentist

Nothing like scalding yourself with an unfamiliar bidet

what doesnt kill you better start trying harder

"but AI -can- code!" is such lousy proof. Yeah, it writes a program that runs. But it's written without intent! If the code breaks, the AI doesn't know what it wrote, and the person who shipped it doesn't know either. Only safe for one-offs! It's automated tech debt!

out: Meetings Grindset 😓✍️😮‍💨 in: Greetings Mindset 😎👋😤

just dropped a can of whoopass on the floor. it's fucking everywhere. it's under the fridge

got the yips while shaving 🪒🩸

There's only a handful of jobs that use a magic wand

"[thing]maxxing" isn't new! In the Fresh Prince opening Will Smith says chillingoutmaxxing

PINCH HITTERS is out! ⚾Customize your team! ⚾Discover hidden secrets! ⚾Can you defeat all nine pitchers? Made in 17 days for Build Your Own Game Jam 2026 joespacio.itch.io/basedball

Hot water tank too small to dissociate in the shower

if you lived here you’d be gnome by now

Forgotten sin of first horse

They have a rich oral tradition of roasting your ass

Absolutely insufferable. Convinced it's alive and smarter than Sherlock Holmes, but of course could never write mysteries

RIP Arthur Conan Doyle. You would have been bamboozled by genAI

Non-carrier post office workers should wear lab coats

Culture has to turn away from this shit to survive. We have to make our own stuff and maybe it’ll look like dogshit but we can call it ours and love the process

"Artist" is like "Sandwich maker". nice if you're feeling tired but most of the time you can just make it yourself if you want. The same is true of computer programmers and legislative bodies

Please, step onto my office

I didn't like Barney because his mouth didn't move when he talked. Couldn't they have put peanut butter on his gums or something?

for lease: baby shoes

My driving visualization 2026: Bears eat the bees with the honey.

At the grocery checkout, I sort my items by baggability. I've only been complimented once but I'll ride it forever.

My meta-conspiracy-theory is telecoms spread the 5G conspiracy theories as cover that it ACTUALLY TRULY makes weather harder to predict! It emits microwave bands (24.24GHz) that are too close to how atmospheric water vapor is measured (23.6-24Ghz). Models suggest up to 40% degradation!

Nintendo should release Four Swords Adventures and it should require 5 Switches to play

Okay, first of all, it's an opera and it's a tragedy. And the clown is named Canio. Lastly, doctor, and this is the kicker:

I really regret not calling a baby announcement "an upcoming collab"

A cel from the Smoking 'Sonic Says' segment, from 'Adventures of Sonic The Hedgehog'.