#Epstein #EpsteinFiles

Caught up late on the 1930 from Paddington, and that Probation Officer sounded very much like the Pantomime Dame they all went weak at the knees about. Does he moonlight? Was he in a frock and full face of slap and no-one thought to mention it (it being 2026 and all that)? #TheArchers

I love the way Clive hangs about on the Green, smoking a fag, when he arrives in Ambridge, so everyone knows he‘s back. Just like a real life pantomime villain. You know where you are with Clive. Look and learn, Marky! #TheArchers

Detective Horrobin on the case! That’s what we need. Borsetshire Plod had their chance and blew it. Go Clive! 🕵️‍♂️ #TheArchers

In a glorious parallel universe, Clive has come into money and is going to buy Home Farm house.🤞 #TheArchers

I'll say it again: watching Robert Jenrick do "cunning politics" is like watching a toddler hide behind a cushion. "Where's Robert gone? THERE HE IS! Oh no! Where is he? THERE HE IS!"

Jenrick to Farage

Universally-known cynical opportunist we promoted for cynical opportunism, sacked for pursuing other opportunities cynically.

Of course Weird Xander, with his cardigan and briefcase, has laughable hair. He probably smokes a pipe as well. #TheArchers

No, Susan, Alice is not better than all of them. She’s a snooty oxygen drain. Kate is the best of them, by far. I will not be taking questions. #TheArchers

Lunch at the Tea Room? Who’s the cook/chef there now? Is it Emma? I don’t think she or Susan have mentioned it (as I imagine they would if she’s ‘management’). I assume Natasha or Tom don’t do it themselves. Is it another of the drudge job trolls from under the bridge? #TheArchers

Brian: “I’m still the head of the family.” Silly old man. #TheArchers

‘Adam was furious.’ #TheArchers

Oh FFS. People throwing themselves at an Archer. I thought better of these people. Ask Clarrie about these leeches: they’ll drop you like a stone the moment it suits. Fewming. 😤 #TheArchers

In an amazing coup, Reform have a star defector, the self-described most popular politician in Britain! It's... hang on, have I got this right... Nadhim Zahawi? thecritic.co.uk/zaha...

#GVerse #Shit4Brains Props to Denmark!

If I take antibiotics to clear up my chronic knob rot, the knob rot wins - so I'm watching my cock turn green

The Norwegian Nobel Prize committee has been forced to make a statement, declaring that the prize cannot be transferred. It's hard even to comprehend how stupid this has become

One reason I'm so negative on Badenoch's Conservatives is that they've American-internet-brained themselves into positions that were always obviously terrible. This is from the start of October. thecritic.co.uk/if-something...

If a Pakistani Muslim owned X, distributed indecent images of girls on a platform where govt do their PR, where some receive payments for posts, they would have distanced themselves by now. X would be shutdown and Braverman and Farage would be calling for a ban and investigation into Pakistani men.

The people on TheTraitors convince themselves of guilt with more evidence than these people consider it all cut and dried. 🤦‍♂️ #TheAtchers

They’re letting William use knives!🔪 😱 #TheArchers

The Two Ronnies - Swedish Made Simple by Gerald Wiley (9th January 1975)

The DG of the BBC said this week that it remains on X because it has to reach a worldwide audience. 40m followers.... 40k views and 92 likes. A local Facebook group has more reach.

Modest proposal: any minister claiming the government “needs” to be on X should have to read out the top ten comments on their department’s most recent post.

Rubber gloves? Maybe they‘ve been wearing your undies, Jolene! 😱 #TheArchers

‘A change of heart at The Bull‘. Burns Stuff cancelled, Kenton sacked, and cat given a proper name. Lovely. #TheArchers

Will someone invite Mark Bonnar to this Scotathon? #TheArchers

Surely, they’ve had recent practice in doing a ’welcone home, George’ party. Why the umming and ahing? Didn’t they do ‘lessons learnt’? #TheArchers

Surely one of the benefits of hell being unleashed at the Horrobins, a rampage, and a vigil for George should be that we don’t have to listen to Helen moaning about all and sundry, but mainly nothing. 🤷‍♂️ #TheArchers

Thank you. I sit corrected and informed. Ah - there they go again! #TheArchers

How did the brain scan in Birmingham go? Haven’t they thought to ask? I’ve been on edge! #TheArchers

The best part of a week on and seemingly Borsetshire Plod have got absolutely nowhere. Have they (other than DC Marcel Marceau in the background and someone phoning to ask for CCTV from a sedentary position) actually spoken to anybody? Not fit for purpose. #TheArchers

A mate of Mick’s. There’s always a mate of Mick when needed for a SL. #TheArchers

Adam’s fled to Ireland! Obviously guilty as hell, no further investigation required. Cuff him and send him dahn. #TheArchers

Talking of how Neil is, wasn’t he one of the ones at the surgery reporting symptoms to Azra? If so, was there any follow up, or was that another garden path? #TheArchers

I’m assuming that the first six people that they hint were responsible, weren’t. #TheArchers

Marky and the gang…. Flash car… Pieces falling in to place. 🕵️‍♂️ #TheArchers

“It’s the Police!” Unexpected. #TheArchers

Days like this are a stark reminder that the UK undertook Brexit at historically the worst possible moment. Bloc politics is here to stay and fiddlearsing about with 2mm advances towards smoother customs arrangements with the EU is not the leadership Britain needs.

“and in other news, President Trump has ordered the bombing of Venezuela” “Caracas?” “not according to his doctors”

Jan 1. Jan 3.

GEORGE IS ALIVE! #TheArchers

Well, I hope he frames Adam, who gets sent down for at least ten years. Some good should come from this. #TheArchers

So, what have we learned: ‘There was someone there.’ 🤔🕵️‍♂️📝 #TheArchers

Given that Neil announced George wasn’t breathing, is this: 1) Proof that Neil’s hopeless; 2) A resurrection? #TheArchers

Only hanging on because Clive’s supposed to be in it. #TheArchers

So, as per the flood, time has warped and this ‘extra’ is some kind of abstract summary of the suspects, rendered in an unrealistic way. A red herring parade, as t’were. #TheArchers