Wasn’t there a task in The Apprentice where know-nowts made face masks and it dyed everybody’s face green? Do these people know anything about skin treatments? 🤷‍♂️ #TheArchers

If you read one thing today, make it @stephenkb.bsky.social's admirably clear and rational analysis of the police's actions following Henry Nowak's murder, from the @financialtimes.com Inside Politics newsletter www.ft.com/content/aa94...

The Grundys have never said ‘bottom’ for ‘arse’ in their lives. Who are these people? #TheArchers

Adam being replaced by a Grundy. Lovely. #TheArchers

Maybe Sycamore House is selective and picky and would turn Thing and Wotsit down as unsuitable. Problem solved. Next SL please. #TheArchers

The press are all over Nicola Sturgeon, who was investigated and released without charge. So glad all I did was take £5 million to become an MP, £1m to throw an election, make a couple of dodgy house purchases and lie about Russia hacking my phone.

“He’s out of control. He’s sent an e-Mail.” warned Adam. #TheArchers

That word EXCLUSIVE needs some attention. It presents as ‘Groundbreaking and Significant’ but here means ‘Complete non-story manufactured bollocks that nobody else would demean themselves with’.

Trying to hold demons to account over in Never Never Land.

Lynda would be pleased. #TheArchers

Of all the new / returned characters, Richard Tregorran really is the least engaging. Enough already. Cheap casting, though, I guess. #TheArchers

Carol and Anna: Neither of you matter to me. Shut up and let’s hear from people less bickery and more interesting. #TheArchers

Why not move to the catchment area of a top school in, like, I don’t know, Northumberland? 👋 #TheArchers

The Ofsted inspectors clearly encountered Weird Xander and immediately assumed it must be the school’s fault. #TheArchers

Where does Clive live? He always gave the impression of sweeping in from somewhere distant and dangerous. #TheArchers

“I wasn’t being duplicitous”, emoted Adam. #TheArchers

petition.parliament.uk/petitions/74... | 🟨 For U K G R O W T H | 🟦 DEBATE - JOIN THE EU ASAP | ➡️ 9 3, 3 7 6 signatures now | pls Rt to reach 100,00 | cc @jasperbarry.bsky.social @ledredman.bsky.social

I missed why he thinks he has 30 days to change Brian‘s mind? What was it? #TheArchers

Carol: “You remind me of my son.” Alan: ”Really?” Carol: “Yes. He was oleaginous as well.” #TheArchers

Hang on… Adam disinherited, so storms out of Home Farm again. Wasn’t he working at the dairy at one stage and presuming to supervise? He could be in there with Helen, and it blows up. 💥 🦅 🦅 🪨 How combustible are dairies? #TheArchers

One thing has led to another, and now I have a folder full of news headlines about people getting beaten off. I offer no apology at all.

Delightful though Adam being told to do one is, can we just note that Ruairaidh was the running sore in the first 80% of all this and has quietly scuttled off to live and work elsewhere and hasn’t been heard in weeks. I think we’ve been had. #TheArchers

That’ll do! Everyone else is leaving the gate area, though. #TheArchers

I’ll compromise with allowing Debbie stabbing him in the back. #TheArchers

We join you from an hour and a half delay at Lisbon Airport. I hope this doesn’t irritate me: I’m focussing on sweetness and light. Please no Adam or Carol. #TheArchers

No notes.

What with Bert and Carol, I’m sensing there was a meeting a few months back when they said: ‘You know what we need? More stroppy miserableness’. Who are these people? Does no-one speak out against? #TheArchers

Reform are very good at moving the goalposts. They said they’d win Gorton and Denton (lost by 12pts), win Wales (lost by 6pts), destroy the Tories in 2026 (PNS rose vs 2025) and win six London boroughs (won one). Each time journalists concluded those outcomes were clear from the outset

🫡🇬🇧 Unite the Kingdom in loving this ⭐

Madam I guarantee you will be within 20ft of a nonce throughout the entire march

I preferred Amber when she was vacuous and squealing about eyelashes. She’s turning into another Ambridge stroppy bore. #TheArchers

…but surely there *is* a risk that Rosie has it. 🤔 #TheArchers

"I can't be bought by anyone" is actually a hilarious statement by someone who is paid for Cameo statements.

Wes Streeting tomorrow morning:

Soft left MPs explaining how Burnham becomes PM

Slap her, Ruth! #TheArchers

Oh blimey. The Budgie of Damocles. Mention was always going to happen. #TheArchers

No Pacific. No Siberia. Lovely. And Oxford (about 60 miles from here) wasn’t my closest. Plus, as a Sagittarius, I now know I’ve got a huge Black Hole. www.maptap.gg May 12 99🎯 98🔥 95🏅 100🎯 99🎯 Final score: 984

I’m not expressing a view on Labour leadership. Just wish #BBCNews wd spend as much time on policy discussion+crucially,to asking voters what policies they know, understand+what trade offs they’d accept,as vibes+personalities. If they were better informed by broadcasters, the country might improve.

If you like data, here is something interesting for you: Bridget Phillipson interview on LK: 9m 40" LK number of interruptions/talking over: 31 Richard Tice interview on LK: 8m 23" LK number of interruptions/talking over: 9

I’m confused with how Swedish Erik and Jakob are. They don’t sound very Swedish. Has this been covered? Erik’s even a bit Old Kent Road.🤔 #TheArchers

How d’you support a scorer? Applaud every time he sharpens his pencil? 👏 #TheArchers

A couple of lucky guesses (esp. in Indonesia) and a Pacific Q 🤦‍♂️ …that I thought was there-ish… get in! … and they throw in a Siberia! www.maptap.gg May 10 97🔥 77😐 96🔥 99🎯 99🎯 Final score: 960

Make Hate Weird Again.

At this rate, the only person not to know the ‘secret’ by this Friday’s ep. will be Susan. #TheArchers

These elections are LOCAL. The General Election is FAR AWAY.

At a No 10 briefing today we heard about the government's commitment to "a whole-of-society response to antisemitism”. Asked if this might involve the government leaving X, where antisemitism is not only rife but monetlised, were were told it is "something we always keep under review." So: no.

This is now what passes for “science” from the BBC. Hackneyed cliches, faux mystery, factually incorrect statements. 1. Archaeologists are, once again, “baffled” www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Leonard’s got a proposal for Carol? Randy old goat. It’s an upgrade on Foghorn, though, to be fair. #TheArchers