Me: I need to do a thing. It is over there, I shall walk over there. *walks over there* Me: what the fuck was i doing???

if anyone can chip in for necessities for rio and her dad 💚🙏🏻cashapp: $delriolu

KINK SIN IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD!!! #SINFUL #JESUS #BDSM #GOD

Would you let a child with cancer misgender transfem hitler if it was his dying wish?

Good news! I've been able to sell off a few tamagotchis I've bought, so hopefully I can get a little cash back from mercari soon 😅

sounds gay. ill be there

So let me get this straight. I cant use Samsung's default texting app because Apple made some protocol that's incompatible with the old app, but instead of updating the app theyre dropping support and trying to get us to switch to a google app that doesn't even work?

i have 300 dollars so im gonna go buy god now

we invited kallidora to the party but apparently something came up last minute for her and she had to cancel. something also came up last minute for your girlfriend so she's also not here.

If youre duped by documents forged by a 5 year old, thats on you really

I am such a pervert for landscapes

*me, seeing old browser tabs titled "Thank you for your purchase", nervous*: What the fuck did I buy?? **Spoiler** .. It was weed

🃏 The Wise Fool: Fuck around and Find out

Like the fact that I know several clowns who arent even in the sideshow burner clown subculture really says something about this city

"Yeah im going to michigan tomorrow for weed, they have some for like $12 an ounce now.. I know that doesn't really mean anything to you bc you dont smoke" "I would've assumed it was measured in pounds, if you told me it was $20 a pound I'd be like cool"

Thinking of national heroes tonight 😔

art of the deal baby

My roommate had thought something bad had happened, and I was like "another assassination attempt" :( ".... attempt?"

Dang. So close and yet so far

Oof now I gotta remember to put my dick on before I leave the house

Compromise: I have trimmed my mustache hairs so I dont just have weird curly wisps above the corners of my mouth

April 25th. Not too hot, not too cold. All you need is a light jacket

youre my favorite blorbo

Like idk if it's cuz ive been depressed today but fuck this tshirt feels so good rn

Mmmmm clean dry clothes after I been sweaty

when you scroll online make sure you do it absolute. don't think about dinner or other plans. hear the sound in the room feel your chest rise and fall and just be. become the internet. be one with the river of our minds.

Im an introvert, like, I like hanging out with people. But if you invite me to a party it's like hanging out with all of the people at the same time. No thank you.

I can be trusted with the emerald geode. I am completely normal and will not eat the emerald geode

Had some good tacos and a bbq pork bun today and my tummy is very happy

Ok cool this is fixed for me and I can read text on photos again

everyone is very pretty.

The prophecy has been fulfilled

Romance is hard when you're not willing to settle for anything less than someone who's way outta your league

I cant zoom in on Bsky (mobile web browser)? Not even when I open an image

Okay so tmi but I was packing yesterday while I was out and it was fine. Today I have a doctor's appointment and im like "I dont need to pack for the doctor's" but now im in the waiting room and I kinda wish I had a dick?? Okay

Okay the two cheapest gas stations are on either side of the Chicago-Evanston border. If shit in the middle east is bad I go to the one in Evanston bc the prices are less volatile. But if shit in the m.e. is cooling off, I can go to the one in chicago bc they'll mark down their gas when they can.

My crush has confirmed i am not stinky

This handsome young man just sent me a friend request

maybe a president shouldnt be able to pardon people. you could run into a shady situation where like a pedophile pardons an even bigger pedophile or something

👀

Okay so I might move in with my crush, this is only maybe the 2nd time this has happened to me

Its 4/22 (Four twenty too)

What if told you there was a movie w a bug that’s also a typewriter that has a talking asshole?

👀

butt jesus

I almost have enough mustache hairs to shave it! 🧔

I WAS BORN TO YEARN THE WORLD'S A FUCK

Did Stan Lee write this shit?? *gestures broadly*