The state of me is that I didn't remember writing this. It ain't bad.

I am once again begging y’all to read a fucking book.

lol

“Don’t put your heart out on your sleeve, when your remarks are off the cuff.”

Me, dumb as shit: A plot hole is a gap in a story that goes against the flow of logic established by the story's plot. You, a brilliant cinéaste: A plot hole is anything I don't like about a movie.

WAKE UP DEAD MAN is not only wildly entertaining but also has profound and important things to say about faith, mercy, and grace.

This is an untouchable run:

Rob Reiner was a true gem of a human. He deserved so much better than this. I am heartbroken.

Check out our new OogLaDaar album “You Failed Again” on BandCamp. ❤️❤️❤️ oogladaar.bandcamp.com/album/you-fa...

The people who scream “IT’S JUST LIKE 1984” at the thought of universal healthcare and the people who applaud ICE thugs disappearing people with zero due process are the exact same people.

“Yousa no tinken yousa greater den da Gungans?”

Happy Friday. Our band OogLaDaar’s new EP “You Failed Again” is now available. Be cool and support indie music! ❤️❤️❤️ oogladaar.bandcamp.com/album/you-fa...

i stand by this statement every year

My hottest take is that letting cops park in red zones for mundane errands and coffee breaks; I think “you can break the law at your discretion as a job perk” is the small domino that ends in the large domino of “shooting protesters in the face with rubber bullets”

White House Begins Christmas Season With Ceremonial Lighting Of Cross

Long flights can only benefit from the presence of sweaty post-workout passengers.

Sam Altman says he can’t imagine raising a child without ChatGPT and all I can imagine is a new version of THE TERMINATOR where Skynet wants to kill Sarah Connor because she potty-trained John without AI assistance.

Jimmy Fallon would host the Hunger Games.

I can’t emphasize enough how much you need to watch this until the end

Women be like “My eyes are up here” to Quentin Tarantino and it ain’t because he’s looking at their boobs.

The right accuses the left of being “paid protesters” while the right are the ones who have monetized racism, homophobia, and transphobia. Need cash? Just be a piece of shit and start a gofundme. Republicans will break their fingers smashing the donate button.

JFC Y’all know multiple things can be true right? Truth 1: Quentin Taratino is a loud-mouth ass hat with shit opinions. Truth 2: Quentin Tarantino has made some of the best movies of the past 30 years. A person BEING an ass does not MAKE their art ass.

JFC I’m 5 minutes into the John Candy documentary and I’m already weeping.

Me watching the Titans: Well, at least college basketball is here! GO CATS! #BBN Me watching the Cats:

UK is a volleyball school. #BBN

*my wife talking to a friend* No, he doesn’t do stand-up anymore. *me thinking* How can I turn this into a bit?

oh my god i feel so vindicated

Cannot wait to not watch HAMNET.

When you see someone sharing AI slop.

It honestly feels like the outcome of NFL games is more predetermined than the WWE. Just a shitty and suspect product week after week.

Doctor: You need to exercise more and lose weight. Me: Then tell your mom to let me on top sometime.

God-Emperor status: Achieved

President Trump said he would pardon Juan Orlando Hernández, a former president of Honduras who was convicted of drug trafficking 400 tons of cocaine in the US. A spokesperson for Trump said it’s only fair since most of that cocaine went up Don Jr’s nose.

FUTURE HEADLINE: President Trumps Says the N-word during Press Conference FUTURE EDITORIAL: Why Trump Was Brave to Use Racial Slur by Stephen A. Smith

Republicans are celebrating Trump’s use of the r-word which proves my theory that a sizable portion of MAGA is made up of people who voted for Trump simply because they want to use slurs again and their political philosophy goes no deeper than that.

Are there people funnier than me? Of course! But not you.

Sex between Stephen and Katie be like

A lot of talk about the best Thanksgiving movie…

I'm sure our cats appreciate the treats that come in the shape of fish more than other treats as they make for a more authentic feline treat experience.

Good god I wish just one of these reporters would tell this slobbering piece of shit to fuck off to his fucking face.

Introduce yourself with five concerts you’ve seen— R.E.M. Prince Elvis Costello Metallica Conway Twitty

Fun national jukebox day fact: the popular “Rock-ola” brand, which could not sound more like an exercise in exuberant Fifties pop culture marketing, was actually designed and sold by a guy named David Rockola. The world is a beautiful place and worth fighting for.

TODAY! #WakeUpDeadMan! THEATERS! 600 US screens, 500 more internationally, hopefully more to come in the next week. See my pinned post for a theater finder. I’m so proud of this movie and everyone’s work on it, I hope you enjoy it!

hell yeah