Found a chest with some magic "Boots of Spanking It" which give +5 to beating off. Which sucks but they're my only magic item so whatever. I got tired of changing into them when I'm going to beat it so I just wear them all the time and don't tell anyone what they do

#caturday snugs

Happy May

Hang it in the Louvre.

Still can’t believe the Chicago Sun-Times used the phrase “this is what’s the matter with splatter” in their review of AMITYVILLE GLORYHOLE.

Wait. I thought all you right-wing edgelord bootlicking Kill Tony Joe Rogan fellating “comedy has no limits so lighten up snowflakes” douche bro try hards believe that people are allowed to make jokes about ANYTHING?

Bee best.

I once saw someone walking out of a pizza place carrying the pizza box vertically against their side like it was a book and I've never been able to shake it.

Shoutout to personal injury lawyers, realtors, and insurance agents keeping the billboard companies in business during these dark times.

Wealth and power are the only things that are truly protected in this country. When children get shot up at school, all they get are thoughts and prayers. When wealth and power are just threatened with gun violence, they get multi-million dollar golden ballrooms to keep them safe.

if i buy this will i be as happy as the guy staring at a garbage bag half filled with his shit

She’s pretty. Psychotic, but pretty.

Got his ass. Literally.

For those who missed it: this was the moment The Strokes ensured they’ll never be invited back to Coachella again! I'm so proud of them

Chris Pratt is TEMU Chris Pratt.

cowboy who stubbed his toe:

The Onion has reached a deal to acquire Infowars • It will be turned into a parody site of itself • Has the support of the Sandy Hook families “A lot of people gave up on doing the right thing over the last two years. Despite an insane amount of threats & bullshit, we persevered" (via Variety)

The one time I did a weed my nipples fell off and my belly button became a butt hole and the surgery wasn’t covered by my insurance so I had to join a touring freak show as The Nipple-less Belly Butt Man to make money to pay for it. So enjoy your 4/20 but don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Sometimes the world is so beautiful I can hardly take it. In spite of all the horror and darkness, there is still wonder and awe. It's humbling. For instance, I just saw two butterflies fucking in mid-air.

FINALLY! Someone who loves SCREAM 4 as much as I do!

lol

#TheCannabisChronicles stream in 6 days, debuting this 4/20 Monday, featuring high end production from some of the greatest producers of alternative rap! Avaliable now on my SoundCloud and Bandcamp! #hiphop #alternativerap #CC #stonerrap

I misread the headline as one movie and got very excited for a moment…

I’ve only seen one doctor dressed like that and it was for an Easter Cantata and the doctor was playing Jesus so…

That pic hahahahaha

In Trump's head if America is being nuked, first think people would think "I wonder how Dow is doing today."

Huh. For real?

there is no politician so irreplaceable that we must overlook sexual misconduct because nobody else could possibly fill their shoes

Democratic Congressman Eric Swalwell has been credibly accused of sexual misconduct and rape by four women. I believe them. Swalwell should resign immediately and drop out of the CA governors race. He should also be investigated and prosecuted. Fuck off, Eric. See how easy that was, Republicans?

Totally normal and good for the President of the United States to be posting a snuff film to his social media. Hottest country in the world and whatnot.

Silence and stares around the table after I interrupted the conversation to shout “I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDS WITH JARED FROM SUBWAY!”

Talk tough then back down like a little bitch. The Trump Doctrine. WTF did we get out of this limp dick overcompensation boondoggle of a “war?” Besides a couple hundred murdered children at school and higher gas prices, of course.

Where is Johnny Smith when you need him?

"A whole civilization will die tonight, never to be brought back again." - 2026 FIFA Peace Prize winner

So war crimes aren’t prosecuted anymore ?

Buddy that’s why you gotta nail em up there