A watched email never arrives

My mom was so hellbent on her children eating black eyed peas on new year's day for good luck that she would put black eyed peas in tootsie rolls for us like she was giving a pill to a dog

(wakes up hungover, two fingers on my monkeys paw curled) ah shit what did i do last night

Me: I feel like expressing my desires is manipulative because someone might do something because I want it and not because they want it. Therapist: ... Therapist: Yeah we're going to work on that.

!!!!!!!!!!!!! go see guillermo del torro's frankenstein !!!!!!!! GO SEE GUILLERMO DEL TORRO'S FRANKENSTEIN !!!!!!!!!! G O S E E G U I L L E R M O D E L T O R R O ' S F R A N K E N S T E I N ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

An extra hour of sleep for one day and then it is dark at 5pm. Somewhere, a monkey's paw curls

Why is there only one brand of internal condoms in the US and why is it prescription only??? Yes I know the answer is misogyny but I'm upset

Confusing the receptionist at the Dr.'s office by actually wanting to read the documents I'm signing and asking for a paper copy of the consent form that explicitly states that I can ask for a paper copy

Good. Even if this doesn’t work, it’s time to go on offense. www.newsweek.com/jb-pritzker-...

Rumi's poetry is like scripture to me

Life is either boredom or whipped cream. - Voltaire The most fun thing about researching the history of whipped cream is discovering that for centuries before it became a topping, whipped cream WAS the dessert! jamieschler.substack.com/p/creme-foue...

I'm getting a divorce and my family and friends have come together to support me. I've never felt so loved in my life! How did I let myself be so lonely in my marriage for so long?

The lion does not concern himself with the midterm elections

I'm getting a divorce and my MIL came over to support my STB Ex and went on a cleaning and organizing spree. I'm sleeping in the office and I brought my vibrator with me in a duffel bag. My MIL came in and organized away my duffel and left my vibrator out on the floor 🙃

Bored National Guard Goes Door To Door Asking If Chicagoans Have Any Order They Need Restored https://theonion.com/bored-national-guard-goes-door-to-door-asking-if-chicagoans-have-any-order-they-need-restored/

Zach Bryan wrote an anti ICE song. officially declaring Woke 2 in full effect.

I am going to get an A in Divorce which is both normal to want and possible to acheive

Hey chat is it bad if the pharmacist asks me if I'm okay

I don't want to be Pygmalion anymore

Turns out that it's confusing to my grandma to laugh & say "so true, bestie" when she bemoans that, in the tupperware draw, "you have loads of bottoms, but it's a trial to find tops".

I like Jimmy Kimmel. I really do. I have no issues with him. I'm talking about something very different. Kimmel was only suspended. But he's back now. Karen Attiah and all the other Black journalists are still fired. Y'all do know how to fight, when you want to. But you don't really want to. 🤷🏿‍♂️

My mom won't go to New York City with me because she said she heard the whole city smells like weed

sorry, i'm not going to get negatively polarized into liking tylenol. i'm an advil girlie and always will be

Said "Fuck" in front of my mom😔 In my defense I was driving in New England and I was using the part of my brain that stops me from cursing in front of my mom to keep us alive

I hate it when a musician sings about their "darkness" or some shit and I'm thinking it's about being depressed but they're actually singing about Being Evil

Won't anyone think of the husbands whose wives are too beautiful and horny? There should be a support group

Brushing my teeth as a stim

I think it's a sign of how cowed the American media is that we're getting pieces like "you have to understand, in Korean culture, it's considered very rude for someone to lock you in a brutal prison camp for a week for no reason." Like yeah, any free people would be offended by that?

standing firm in my belief that i do not need to see violent images to have an opinion on them!

i think local art museums and sports franchises should have one day a year where the team's roster goes to the museum for an interactive tour and the museum's staff go to the arena for a combined pickup game

This may explain why there’s an aggressive response to people who merely post Kirk’s own words. It threatens the existence of the alternate Kirk - the motivational speaker that had been marketed to young kids and white Christian groups through selective quotation & clips.

I'm gonna look up the last time Charlie Kirk saw JD Vance

posters joking about charlie kirk were held to a higher standard than the wall street journal this week

It would be so funny if they publish the shooter's patriarchal blessing

I have two professor colleagues who have faced threats and harassment due to the organization Charlie Kirk built, and they were not alone. We can denounce and loathe political violence without hagiography for its victims. This is dangerous nonsense.

When you publish a website that posts the names and photos of scholars who have written or said things you disagree with and encourage people to surveil and harass them, you are not, in fact, a “free speech” organization.

3. If you see content that disturbs you, immediately (or as fast as possible) go and play 20-30 minutes of Tetris (or any other fast-paced game with your eyes sweeping over the visual field that has caused visual artifacts to linger when you close your eyes for you in the past).

Have been tagged in to provide the reminder about traumatic video because of the Charlie Kirk shooting video going around! 1. Settings -> Content & Media, turn off "autoplay video" 2. Keep your device sound off while browsing so an accidental activation won't include the sound

"Harvard can't use race as a factor in admissions, but ICE can use race as a factor in detentions" is a retrenchment essentially to a pre-Civil War understanding of the Constitution. It's vanishingly few steps removed from "Latinos have no rights which the white man is bound to respect."

I looked into my cat Fofo's eyes and he was so impossibly cute that it caused me to have a genuinely scary moment of derealization

“there were more white people in 1900” literally who gives a shit. did you know you can see porno online now. they made a robot what can suck you off

Don't complain to me about my homeless neighbors. I'm not that bitch. I will not commiserate with you. I will not validate your fears of people who never hurt me in all my years walking around my neighborhood. Your fears are your problem, not mine

Know your rights, Illinois. Stay safe and stay informed.

Important to remember that everyone involved in renaming the DoD to the Department of War is afraid to take the subway.

How am I a full millennial and I am just now discovering Car Seat Headreast through a "The Summer Hikaru Died" animatic in 2025???

For all the Jake Tapper jokes, it is pretty unusual when someone writes a book on a topic to not be booked to opine as an “expert” when almost the exact same situation is very relevant again. Jesus, Woodward and Bernstein are still dragged out to comment on every presidential scandal.

SSRI Boys and Buproprion Girls

Wish it was weirder to use horse shampoo. Wish I faced great adversity for it