Vending Machine Attendant Admits B3 Selection Has Changed A Lot Over The Years https://theonion.com/vending-machine-attendant-admits-b3-selection-has-chang-1819572233/

Once again I am wishing HMRC a very happy Stop Texting Me I’m Fucking Doing It

My friend Elliot has just alerted me to the fact that nine years ago today, I pulled off this absolutely incredible bowls shot. The rest of my short bowls career was, sadly, deeply unremarkable.

I Wld B Frightened 2 Live In Country Run By U is my favourite track from Purple Rain

www.fdd.org/analysis/202... Watching the anti-regime protests unfold in Iran and wishing safety and victory for these brave souls.

Why is it always ‘Who’s the best frontman of all-time’ when no vocalist has ever - nor ever shall - elevate a band as much as Sandy Denny did Fairport and Fotheringay?

Shout out to the tiny dog in a massive puffa jacket in this cafe, absolutely premium offline content

At least seven of this Palace line up would start for Spurs today, that’s the overarching problem #spurs

Let’s see Usyk vs Eating With Tod next

Our remix of Morning Star Music Club’s ‘Liminal Zone’ is out today… watch below or streaming link in bio… m.youtube.com/watch?v=_o4q...

Australian Star Wars would be incredible - “ran into some Stormos on the Deathie”

Ok, time needs to slow down now - someone who was in my daughter’s form at secondary school came off the bench for West Ham this afternoon

So it’s NOT my imagination

the coop this evening with possibly the most baffling musical choice i have ever experienced in a supermarket

How have I only just clocked there’s ANOTHER Spurs game on Tuesday night? Please someone make it stop

Me reading your posts

Come on Spurs - Chick King gold card and a little flat in Cheshunt, make the offer

The Daily Mail investing money in tracking down a minor member of the Incredible String Band is the most confusing media story of the year

Dear Auntie You will be surprised to hear that I am going to prison tomorrow.

Happy Fenton Day to all who celebrate. Jesus Christ, fourteen years. youtu.be/3GRSbr0EYYU

Rise Of The Footsoldier: Origins St George’s Day The Football Factory Green Street Green Street 2: Stand Your Ground

Every so often I remember the name “Tom Wambsgans” and, if not in public, take a moment to say it out loud a couple of times

East vs West Coast beef reignited once Method Man responds that he’s always thought Neil Warnock the superior manager

surely society has developed to a point where we can fuck fireworks off for a couple of years, just to see how it goes

Selfish pricks upstairs hammering all day again is it? *Michael Douglas intensifies*

The sheer greasy desperation from these bastards that any violent crime is committed by an immigrant so they can continue their grift. Even when they know it isn't true. Foul.

OH in gym changing room earlier: “man’s just been eating bare macaroons”

Parents, please check your kids’ candy this Halloween. I’ve just found an ancient metal whistle with the inscription “QUIS EST ISTE QUI VENIT" inside a Snickers bar. I blew it and heard a note of infinite distance, and now I’m haunted by a figure in pale, fluttering draperies. Be safe.

1980: NHS spending as a % of GDP: 5.1% Defence spending as a % of GDP: 5% 2024: NHS spending as a % of GDP: 10.9% Defence spending as a % of GDP: 2.2% This is such a common applause line, but it’s also total bullshit.

I'm quite happy to "take" a small contribution to stopping Ukrainian citizens being slaughtered in their hundreds of thousands.

You'll pry these Oxford commas out of my cold, dead, third thing hands

Two old ladies overheard in a charity shop "Did you have a nice holiday" "Oh yes, we did, it was lovely" "Where did you go again?" "Medieval Spain"

Patenting the unheimlich manoeuvre, where I wrap my arms around a choking man and instil upon him a deep and profound sense of unease

absolute chef’s kiss of a caption here

Absolutely devastating news. This album is simply perfection. What an incredible loss, what an amazing collection of music to leave behind 🖤

HOW I LONG TO HUG YOU WITH MY NEW HUGE MUSCLES.

"Do you still get paid in Roubles Ted?" 🐢💨

Friends fear he’s buying New York Giants merchandise for no reason again

😂😂😂

Am doing this in Walthamstow on Sunday 19th, all welcome!

Went for an ace night out with the Texan Dan Carney and his wife in 2010 when they were visiting London

Ibiza Interim Boss

The joke’s on you Duolingo, I actually like being in the Amethyst League

My old man's a Durstman He wears a red snapback He enjoys record scratching And metal fused with rap

In the latest bit of “come on Time, you’re just having a laugh now” news, my daughter is 19 this Friday