They call me ACE because I’ve racked up so many Adverse Childhood Experiences.

Pop tarts and chocolate milk … the breakfast of obese co-workers.

Might get a lil crazy tonight and drink 3 beers.

Would be cool if $20 could still get ya a pizza.

Tantric pizza buffet.

My butthole is giving main character vibes

The next guy to get me in bed is gonna need the motherfucking jaws of life to get these legs open.

Dating apps are a great way to realize that being single isn’t that bad.

“I wrote this bio and if you like good vibes and good food we’ll get along just fine”

I never drink alone when my dog is sleeping at my feet.

I just learned that I don’t like changing out ceiling lights.

Abortion isn’t murder. It’s a return.

I’m ready for a different timeline thank you

A cheeseburger from Five Guys is $15. What the fucking fuck, man. Republicans can suck a bag of cocks.

Just applied Estradiol. Wassup, fellas?

Netflix and fingerbang?

I am a bottomless pit of love for my dog!

Explore my micro biome, Daddy.

High-wasted for her pleasure.

Literally iconic super vibing

My vag

Me to my supervisor: CAN I FUCKING GO HOME YET?

I think of you when I poop because it reminds me of when you pull out of my ass.

Gross

Volunteering at the US Police & Fire Championships next month because I like eye candy.

Too many guys on the dating apps are “apolitical” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

Butthole mouf

My lower back hurts and I didnt even have sex.

I really wish my fat co-worker would disappear.

Can we stop saying everything is iconic. Thx

ASMR of me jacking your dad off.

What I bring to the potluck.

I’m giving relaxmaxxing vibes

Bussin iconic vibes frfr

Meteorite spotted in my lower intestine.

Don’t you guys hate when your finger breaks through the toilet paper and you get poop in your fingernail then you have to wash your hands (with soap!!). Ugh

143g of protein already inside of me and it’s not even 10am. 💪🏼

The ghost of Christmas past lives in my urethra.

AAAAAHHHHHH

Me thinks it’s time for that fantastic caffeine induced poopie-poo-poo.

Maybe I should have helped attack the capitol so I can afford groceries.

Today in the ER: Vaginal abscess HSV exposure Pink eye ANXIETY

Not even 0830 and I’ve already ingested 60g of protein. Fuck yea

Breakfast of champions is cannibalism

My vibrator makes a “vroom vroom” sound when I turn it on. There’s also some smog because I took the catalytic converter off.

I wish I could just mute some people.

I am 100% clogged with plant jizz

*sexting* Hah! Gross