Playing with my double action OTF switchblade ☺️

RELEASE THE FILES

Been chatting every day for 1 week, met up once, and when I asked if he wanted to do something this weekend, he said “I don’t know”

I’m a Federal employee, so, on this 4th of July, I’m drinking myself into an oblivion. America!!!

What did I miss?

2002 MCR needs to make more music

I FUCKING MADE PIZZA!!!

I made a pizza I ate the entire pizza The roof of my mouth is burnt I am very full

*starts selling wire hangers on eBay

You haven’t lived until you’ve shoved 2 peanut butter cups in your mouth at the same time.

Ben is back!!

You can violate my ceasefire, Daddy 👄

My fupa will keep you warm

Help. I'm alive.

Ben has left the building. - Repeat - Ben has left the building.

My tummy hurts

Iran gave the US a heads-up of the retaliation? Did they just hit Hesgeth up on Signal like, “Hey buddy, clear out the Qatar AFB on Sunday. We’re bombing.”

Them: What did you do this weekend? Me: Fuck off.

Beat box this pussy before the Iranian sleeper cells blow us up.

Which makes him a 15!!!

Hey, I just met you And this is crazy I stabbed your mother

My stinker hole hurts

This one is promising.

Just ate a bunch of Taco Bell. Yes, I am a masochist.

If you identify yourself as a “corporate hippy,” I’m swiping left

The real person behind this account.

I think Jeff’s PFP is his ballsac.

Just created a Tinder account.

Haven’t been laid in 11 months Considering downloading a dating app

People at work keep calling it a protest and I keep correcting them because words fucking matter!!!

May I please have one dozen doughnuts?

I’m so hungry I could eat a mutual.

Just downloaded snapchat #thirsty

Turns out the teaches of peaches is not the kind of education most employers are looking for.

Your shitposts are causing me longterm psychological damage.

Just kidding. I didn’t eat a dick-shaped chicken strip for dinner, but I wish I did. If I was so lucky, I woulda smacked it on my cheek before I dipped the tip in ranch and crammed it down my throat.

I ate this in one bite without gagging.

That’s my kinda party 😉

Hilarious/ turn volume on…. wait for it 😂