Trump just raped my Roth IRA.

It’s so difficult to find great dick that’s attached to a great guy.

I hate having really soft poops because then it takes an entire roll of TP to clean my asshole.

So this stupid fucking cunt slut bitch whore decides to sit in the chair I always sit in during morning report. 🔪

Wearing your party hat is required if you want to participate in circle jerk.

3D printing your dad’s cock but hallow so I can put it over your tiny one and actually feel something.

Thunder Alley is what I call my vaginal canal.

I hate it when he pulls my strings My IUD strings

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

I’m the Goldilocks of penesis … Goldicocks

Like literally need a vibe explosion in my mouth rn fr fr no cap on god

saw this musical. did not care for it.

an energy drink that also gives me the will to live

old, sore and disgruntled

We're bluesky mutuals, of course you can ejaculate on me

*le sigh*

I have a good feeling about this one

Bringing the gassy vibes

Perimenopausal vibes 🔪🤮💀🤣🔥🫣😊🙏🏼🥵🥵🥵

Stop scrolling and post two characters who bring you happiness

*shoots teargas into your asshole

Binge watching My Strange Addiction and suddenly I’m realizing that I kick ass at adulting.

hey girl, are you the swamp of sadness? (cause you ate my fucking horse again)

I’ve always been a good test taker.

Sometimes I think I’m having visual hallucinations but then I realize it’s just my floaters.

Fuuuuuuuuck There’s a new doc at work. He’s like 6’2”, deep voice, mid 30’s, blue eyes, dresses well, married with a baby.

I have to pee but don’t wanna get up

What’s stopping men from doing this more often for the women they wanna bang?

Dubai style pussy vibes

Yay I get to facilitate a stupid fucking therapy group today. Ugh

the feminine urge to get absolutely shredded so that men are scared of me

Welcome to Baltimore

Having casual sex for Jesus so he can vibe.

AAAAAAAAAHH

Performing bizarre experiments on myself

Already maxed out my Roth IRA contributions for the year 💅🏼

Take the xmas decorations down already. JFC

Where do I get the vibe that I’m supposed to bring? Can I get it on Amazon?

Good morning cruel world

Total darkness sounds great right now.

My very likely new FWB brought over a dozen long stem red roses and a bottle of red wine.

You ever think about how the sheriff's last name in the 1993 Western Tombstone starring Kurt Russell and Val Kilmer is pronounced two different ways during the film? Me too, it drives me nuts.

No and no.

About to go spread my legs nice and wide for some stranger. #papsmear

Live your life in such a way that when you die, your passing does not prompt a flood of gleeful shitposts and memes

People really need to get off the vibe train and skedaddle over to the Thesaurus and learn some new words.

He has vibes? I wonder where from. The vibe store? How much did he pay for his vibes? He wants me to bring vibes. Where from?

I may or may not have a switchblade that I may or may not like to play with