Trump wants to turn the US into a banana republic in multiple ways

GQ: Steal this Ralph Lauren style hack Me:

How is he his own Waluigi

There’s something comforting about how little people are actually thinking about you. I was completely convinced my friend was mad at me because I hadn’t heard from her in days. Turns out she was just attacked by a stingray on vacation.

It never used to be dark by 5pm. They're doing this to demoralize you

Joyce Carol Oates will be the reason Elon runs for president

Happy Kim Davis takes another L day

Needs to be more songs for friend breakups. Like no we weren’t gonna wake up next to each other every day, but I really thought we would make eye contact every time someone said something crazy at a party forever.

guy designing seat covers for cars: I should make a hole so the seatbelt can buckle, but very small. Make it very small as a challenge.

It’s crazy that 5pm is pitch black in the winter but super bright in the summer. That’s versatility. I’m sorry, but 2pm could never. And while I’m at it, I’ve never seen 11pm step out of its comfort zone at all. No range.

NYC go see MIB

JD Vance says everyone should have kids because fatherhood "changed him profoundly" which is just like...you're really gonna blame the kids??

I think AI models might be getting worse as they teach themselves with more AI content. When I have to prompt something now I sound like a mom on her absolute last straw. “Do NOT repeat yourself, do NOT compliment my biases, do NOT just lie to me if you don’t know the answer”

Just played rocket league against someone whose username was ToxicJoker. Buddy, toxic wasn’t really necessary. If you’re an adult who loves the joker enough to go by his name, I’m not like “I bet this person has done a lot of work on themselves”

The love is blind reunion episode feels like the mean girls gym scene

working on a frankenstein out of neighbor parts. going heavy on the arm situation because I need a guy to help me move

The Walton family (who own Walmart) are worth over $400 billion, yet many of their employees are on SNAP. Bezos is worth over $400 billion, many Amazon employees require SNAP. The people who need help are not the problem. It’s corporate greed. It’s an unwillingness to pay a living wage.

Every day Republicans keep our government shut down, the pain grows deeper. Hungry children, empty pantries, elders unable to take their meds, and so much more. Trump and Republicans must fund SNAP, re-open the government, and address the harm they've caused.

life really is all about perspective instead of thinking “i’m stuck in a sewer drain 😢 ” say “i’m going to meet a fireman 😃 “

We could have stopped the internet right here. We had peaked.

We actually need more corruption. If everyone is doing corruption then according to free market principles the best corruption will rise to the top

I thought everyone at this NJ Halloween party would know I’m Christopher from the Sopranos but instead everybody has just been extra nice and opened doors for me

I am not afraid to admit that I love Love is Blind

This movie is out now and it’s fun as hell! Erin Judge, who co-wrote it, is one of my oldest and best friends in comedy!!! I’m so psyched for people to see Queens of the Dead!!!

A strange thing about standup comedy is that you’ll remember someone you did open mics with 10 years ago and when you look up what happened to them they’re either dead or on broadway.

Running for office and revealing a giant back tattoo that just says WOMEN. Nobody can agree if it's good or bad

Saw a bee try to pollinate this flower and I could almost hear him yelling “clear!” Buddy he’s gone. You lose them sometimes. It’s ok. It’s not your fault.

It’s crazy that we invented the internet and then it completely tore us apart. Like imagine if we invented the mass produced assembly line automobile and then it caused 40,000 deaths per wait

What our media landscape is missing is 30 minute horror anthology series. I’m talking children in a secret club. I’m talking an old lady with clairvoyant powers who solves a different murder every episode. I’m talking incoherent plot, all vibes, monster of the week. We need to get back to basics.

I think college is a scam. I think high school is a scam. I think elementary school is a scam. I’m not 100% sure I know what a scam is. And at the end of the day isn’t that an indictment of our school system?

One of the 2000s meme pages should make their bio “I’m so 2008 you’re so 2000-and-late.” Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Construction workers outside my window have yelled “hey! ho!” so many times that I’m starting to worry they’re the lumineers

*watching scream 2* Fiancé: is Sidney the main character in all the movies? Me: yeah most of them Fiancé: oh that sucks for her

the peanut inside the peanut m&m mascot should be it’s own voiced character. his only goal is to “get out” of the living shell. he does so by speaking through the m&m, trying to convince the other candies to break him out, killing his host

Do frat boys decide the election?

My friend just got bed bugs like stop trying to bring 2015 back it’s over!!!

They’re going to let Chat GPT be sexually explicit now? Wow. Now it’s eliminating white collar jobs, handjobs, and blowjobs.

Have you ever noticed how kids don’t go outside anymore? At least I hope they don’t. If they do, I’m being ghosted by my kickball team.

If your restaurant is actually Wonder legally you have to tell me—if you don’t it’s entrapment

Making up a guy who’s afraid to go to Roku City because of crime

💯💯💯💯💯💯

I like how the news will be like “while the President claiming Portland was ruled by a giant skeleton named Mr Nibbles is not strictly true, it does speak to the anxiety of many Americans”

a friend of mine in antifa told me that antifa's headquarters is SHEIN and if the company fell the whole network would fall

Jaxson Dart is a crazy good quarterback name. It’s like a golfer named Johnny Hole-in-one.

Amazing that Love is Blind Denver managed to have both a closeted homophobic gay guy and wellness Patrick Bateman in the pods and they’re not the same guy.

Trump watching this like “HEY! Mr. Whitehouse is MY name!”

More messaging like this please

Pretty clear Stephen Miller, Noem, Hegseth and Trump are trying to provoke a Civil War at this point. What's interesting is they want to do it now, because even though they're unpopular, they seem to believe this is the most popular they'll be ever again. We can't let them win.

Culture is moving too fast. Saw a kid with broccoli haircut and it seemed incredibly dated even thought that was THE haircut in like…2023.