My microwave sings a little song when my Hot Pocket is done. Should it have the right to vote?

before washing up in a public restroom you have to let a robot jizz into your hand

Stephen Miller is scratching the door to the Oval Office like an anxious dog.

This thermos is too good at its job

Suburban living would be a lot less attractive if every aspect of it, including the externalities, weren’t so heavily subsidized.

The crime is not what we were doing protesting in the 10th floor elevator lobby of 26 Federal Plaza. The crime is what ICE agents are doing on the other side of the door.

she’s a 10 but Excel thinks she’s October

If women are underrepresented in STEM, it's at least partly because men like this offer mentoring, then embarrass themselves by assuming their mentees must be into them, then decide the best solution is to cut ties, which sends the signal to other faculty that the mentee must not be good enough.

To put it another way: CNN says the US has 2 billion parking spaces, which translates to 540 billion sq ft or 50,168 km2 of parking. That’s more than the 182x211=38,402 km2 needed. If we blanketed all parking spaces w/ solar panels, we could likely reach our goal even accounting for covered parking.

One reason why conservatives hate social safety nets is they make it harder for them to rape desperate children

Every office has an executive tier whose emails are like: saw on news , , can we replce complianc dept with web 3 and a worker tier whose emails are like: Dear Jim, First of all, I *love* this idea! Unfortunately, I spoke with Legal and identified a few issues with this approach. For starters…

My bus driver is a goddamn moron

We don’t talk enough about the overlap between bravery and stupidity.

(Reuters) - Meta internally projected late last year that it would earn about 10% of its overall annual revenue – or $16 billion – from running advertising for scams and banned goods, internal company documents show. $META @reuters.com www.reuters.com/investigatio...

BREAKING: JUSTICE DEPARTMENT EATS A LOSS IN 'SANDWICH GUY' CASE AS JURORS FIND DEFENDANT NOT GUILTY www.nbcnews.com/politics/jus...

Ross Douthat deserves to be fired and never find another job

I’m nearly certain that conservatives push the narrative that Mamdani’s election will lead to a wave of antisemitism in part because they want an antisemitic crime wave to occur under his administration.

I love that Mamdani is what the right claimed Obama was: A Muslim socialist born in Africa. The right practically manifested Mamdani into existence.

More ballots in, and Mamdani's lead is holding at 8%

Dodgers fans, remember to unclench your buttholes

On Halloween, traffic violence is the #1 threat to children by a country mile, but SUV-obsessed parents are not ready for that conversation.

LA is a fucking NIMBY concrete hellscape, but at least our annoying weirdo elite/industry is mostly union-loving libs instead of a fascist rape cult of drug-addled losers poisoning every segment of our national politics with their brain worms via group chats

Change one letter, ruin a candy Sour patch mids

Me @ leafblowers

Adverts should be representative of traditional British families

Trump Says He Won’t Rule Out Third Reich

Day 366

So they have hundreds of millions just lying around that they’ll never miss to give to the government programs immediately, is what they’re announcing

*monkey's paw curls

The real counter to "people are too stupid for democracy" is that the elites are by all appearances even stupider. The average person falls for TikTok cheapfakes meanwhile the average elite thinks transgender sports are a tractable policy-based concern and that AI will replace all jobs in 2 years

free line for democrats to use on the white house shit: donald trump has done what the flight 93 hijackers couldn’t

Mamdani is already getting the criminals out of NYC!

It’s time #NoKings

i know the desire to fight with these sick freaks is strong but resist the urge and just block. it’s better for your brain.

Are there any tv shows besides Malcolm in the Middle and The Righteous Gemstones that have done the murderous helper monkey plot?

Kids these days are hitting puberty too soon. Which is why I, RFK Jr, am taking away their vaccines.

In Soviet North Korea, Mario play you!

every ruling out of chicago is like, "federal judge rules ICE agents cannot desecrate graves; must not deploy nuclear weapons against journalists and faith leaders."

every young Republican staffer is a Nazi, it's that simple www.politico.com/news/2025/10...

It seems like anti-obesity policies are more often punitive than supportive. Governments are happy to pass sugar taxes and restrictions on refills, but they won’t cover semaglutide for weight loss because it’s sooo expensive (leading me to question if the cost of obesity has been overstated).

Every time someone makes me read something Peter Thiel said it’s like “Scrooge McDuck is Jesus Christ and Huey, Dewey, and Louie are Gabriel, Raphael, and Uriel and Daisy is Mary Magdalene and that’s why women voting has lowered American sperm count.”

“WHOAH! Be careful not to step in that pile of shit there!” exclaimed the man pulling his pants back up.

> It is 2025 BC. I am a soldier from one of the outlying provinces called to defend the pyramid in Memphis > It is 2025 AD. I am a soldier from one of the outlying provinces called to defend the pyramid in Memphis

Today is World Homeless Day, and after years reporting on this crisis, I'll just say: homelessness is neither inevitable nor intractable. It's the result of choices—political, economic, moral—that can be unmade. And this: how we treat the unhoused is a bellwether for the violence we will tolerate.

Fun fact: Maria Colina Machado SUPPORTS Donald Trump sinking fishing boats off their coast.

this isn’t funny portlanders only turn into inflatable frogs when their neighbors are being kidnapped by a fascist secret police force

Adelita Grijalva won her election fair and square. Now House Speaker Mike Johnson is refusing to swear her in because she would be the final signature to release the Epstein files. Mr. Speaker, respect democracy. Obey the law. Swear Representative Grijalva in immediately.