As someone who doesn't watch or really pay attention to late tight talk shows, I cannot believe how long The Late Show has been ending. I coulda swore that thing had its last episode 2 weeks ago.

Takeout/delivery and cooking your own food are both wrong. Instead you should be extracting atmospheric dust, nutrients, and moisture using specialized microscopic hairs called trichomes.

Any chance I have to post Raffi’s Star Trek takes is a chance I am going to take

I still find it very amusing that the Mandalorian, a warrior who never takes off his helmet in the presence of another living soul, has a mustache. It’s just his little secret!

the fuck it will

Wait did everyone else know that Moby’s real name is Melville (as in Herman), and that his nickname (and middle name?) are due to him having been a fat baby?

I’ve really gotta figure out how to extricate myself from Google one of these days. Unfortunately Maps is still too convenient

Holy shit, this weekend is Memorial Day? Fuuuuuck yes.

Musk v Altman JUDGE: The jury has sent a question and the answer is no, the death penalty is not "available for both sides" please return to the jury room and limit your consideration to civil damages.

Sorry I don’t watch this show and Facebook keeps showing me this scene as a harrowing moment for the character and all I can think is that she took a wrong turn at Albuquerque

Midsommar (2019)

ME: b-but Reverend Mother, we mustn’t, what if Shai Hulud hears the rhythm of our prayer and comes here and devours me?? MY DOMINATRIX: …I’m sorry can you explain all this again please

ELON: christopher nolin is desocrating Homer the Odyssey just to qualify for woke oscars award.. only thing he care is industy clout CHRISTOPHER NOLAN (looking at a bunch of clocks he's modified so they're all going at different speeds): haha yes.... hell yeah...

Me searching my tweets

Jackson Holliday looks like one of those pictures that are an amalgamation of all the presidents, but it's just pictures of the rest of the Orioles

Well I don’t think any of us expected it to say that.

Big deal, so can I. Yesterday! Lovely Rita! Hey Jude! See, barely took me a second to think of each.

“You said Rocky IV twice.” “I like Rocky IV.”

I dunno why but this one really got me

My Outlook app for work email has a Copilot button I’ve never used and now it’s just making incomprehensible suggestions on the calendar

Every time someone says ‘AI’ imagine they’re saying ‘Crystal Pepsi.’

Is this anything

*skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* -me, in the car, after starting my favorites playlist

(Dr. Spaceman trying to remember the word “dentist”)

When your cat looks in another direction for a minute and you're puzzled about what has their attention, that's when it's addressing the audience. If you read Garfield you'd understand that's the beat where it's thinking about something really funny, at your expense, making you look like an idiot

Anthony Volpe:

Happy Mother's Day!

An R.L. Stine fan group called “Pal-o’-Stine”

So Nick Cannon and 27,000 women?

Was at a bar that had the Flyers game on the other day and the camera showed Gritty and after a second I realized that I did not know off the top of my head that Gritty is the Flyers mascot. He was just some mascot for Philadelphia, but I did not associate him with the Flyers.

i wish discord would lean into being a retirement home for people who used to post on internet forums and stop putting pop ups on my screen asking me to buy gamer gems for streamer style squads or whatever the hell

Aurora and Cephalus, by Pierre-Narcisse Guérin, 1810, 📸 by Jesse D. Garrabrant

Gotta be Spiner in Independence Day

Ending with “THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER” was a bit of a giveaway

You are my density.

Grogu faking his orgasms????

To me it gives a bit of Ron Perlman

Noooooo