Greg Nix
@chortle.blog
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Head Hog @ Chortle Blog www.chortle.blog
Did you love these Michael Jackson biopic? If so, youâll definitely enjoy these other non-controversial films!
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Upcoming Biopics from the Producers of 'Michael'
The hot new Hollywood trend: feel-good stories about feel-bad people.
https://www.chortle.blog/p/upcoming-biopics-from-the-producers
5 days ago
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Alissa Walker
14 days ago
I wrote about the photo, but I am still very interested in where this particular torch came from and how it was decided that we would be giving it to him on behalf of the city
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She really didn't need to do this
Over the last two years, we've watched gutless leaders go groveling to the White House with gilded gifts to appease our authoritarian overlord. And now Karen Bass is part of that club
https://www.torched.la/she-really-didnt-need-to-do-this/
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Wow, a price update! This sounds like an exciting opportunity for me.
15 days ago
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This is shocking and embarrassing
@mayor.lacity.gov
. A smiling photo op with the man who sent ICE into our city? Fuck off, Karen.
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16 days ago
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Earth Day is this week! Learn about the holidayâs past, present and future right here.
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A Timeline of Notable Earth Days: 1970 to 2145
A noble past and an illustrious future.
https://www.chortle.blog/p/timeline-notable-earth-days-past-future
19 days ago
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Mae sure you know whether youâre filing your taxes Frantically or Redundantly!
www.chortle.blog/p/lesser-kno...
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16 Lesser Known Tax Filing Statuses
You may qualify for a Romantic tax break.
https://www.chortle.blog/p/lesser-known-tax-filing-statuses-satire
25 days ago
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Quincy Scott Jones
25 days ago
Reposting this
@chortle.blog
piece from
@ninasharmawriter.bsky.social
because once again reality is trying to one-up satire.
www.chortle.blog/p/college-pr...
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Ugh, what a morning. Sorry, I am late for work, but with the Strait of Hormuz closed, it is really throwing everything off. You guys get it, right?
www.chortle.blog/p/sorry-im-l...
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Sorry Iâm Late, The Strait of Hormuz is Closed
We're all feeling the effects.
https://www.chortle.blog/p/sorry-im-late-the-strait-of-hormuz
26 days ago
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Grudgie the Whale
about 1 month ago
Every single day Trump acts out in a way that would get you banned from Dave & Busters and the media types up things like âTrump challenges limits of executive theory.â
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Kudos to the NCAA for correctly intuiting that when I turn on the Final Four, what Iâm hoping to see is two DJs performing.
about 1 month ago
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Corey Atad
3 months ago
doing commercials used to be a shameful thing that you had to go to Japan to do
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Hell yeah, Nithya is great.
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3 months ago
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Bass is such a coward. We gotta get rid of her asap.
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3 months ago
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Duotrope
3 months ago
Chortle @chortle.blog (Fiction Nonfiction Art; pays) opened to submissions
https://duotrope.com...
#amwriting
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Re-opening: Chortle
Chortle @chortle.blog (Fiction Nonfiction Art; pays) opened to submissions https://duotrope.com/magazine/chortle-38591 #amwriting
https://duotrope.com/magazine/chortle-38591
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Iâm seeking humor writing about love for my newsletter! Accepted pieces pay $100. Please share with your funny friends!
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Submissions Are Now Open!
I'm paying $100 for funny pieces about love.
https://www.chortle.blog/p/valentine-submissions-2026
3 months ago
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El Centro absolutely sucks, so at least we have that.
www.theatlantic.com/politics/202...
3 months ago
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Brendan Hay
3 months ago
LA folks in Echo Park/Silverlake: ICE is staging at Vons on Alvarado, and have kidnapped vendors on Sunset and Alvarado and Sunset and Echo.
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Been thinking about this song a lot recently. Two dead in MN. Dave is a real one.
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3 months ago
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Turns out the concept of a âfresh hellâ doesnât really ring true once all this shit starts blurring together.
3 months ago
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Whatâs a word for being equally heartened and disheartened? Iâm in awe of the bravery of Minnesotans and in despair at the thought that this will only escalate.
4 months ago
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Aaron Reichlin-Melnick
4 months ago
You have to read this. Firsthand affidavit from one of the women who was there and recording the video. She talks about how Alex Pretti was directing traffic when she arrived. She watched him be killed in front of her. She's afraid to go home, worried she'll be arrested.
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Marisa Kabas
4 months ago
this is it. this is the level. this is the standard for democratic officials. anything less is intolerable.
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molly conger
4 months ago
they're executing moms and nurses in the street. they're using preschoolers as bait. they're stealing people's dads and grandmas and children. they're tear gassing babies. they're staking out schools. there is no remedy but abolition. any proposal that doesn't start there is an act of violence.
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Whoever this guy is for President.
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4 months ago
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Jay Willis
4 months ago
I have spent my entire adult life being lectured by Republican politicians and conservative legal movement types about how important it is to preserve the sacred constitutional right to self-defense of *specifically this person* and then secret police murdered him in the street
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I thought the meaning of âiceâ was pretty set in stone! Itâs always referred to cubes or rinks or occasionally Val Kilmer. It definitely has never meant âa fascist goon squad of five-year high school grads.â
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It's me, Ice
I'm not I.C.E.
https://www.chortle.blog/p/its-me-ice
4 months ago
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Taco Bell Quarterly
4 months ago
Creative writing will survive humanity's greatest crisis. The robots can never replicate my need for attention
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Greg Nix
Taco Bell Quarterly
4 months ago
Fiction dead? No one reads anymore? The obituaries they write are their own, not yours! Live mĂĄs!
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Greg Nix
Taco Bell Quarterly
4 months ago
I'm fully confident literary magazines will survive the AI apocalypse. There is no better time to become a creative writer. You already have an inside track because most people have never even heard of these things that can never die. We will be here with the cockroaches and Taco Bell
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Tim Onion
4 months ago
The most illustrative reply Iâve ever seen.
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My new theory: A.I. is basically just
@kenjennings.bsky.social
. Very knowledgeable, useful in many contexts, SHOULD NOT BE IN CHARGE OF THE ECONOMY.
www.chortle.blog/p/ai-ken-jen...
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Meet Our New A.I., Ken Jennings
We're implementing Ken Jenningses across the globe!
https://www.chortle.blog/p/ai-ken-jennings-artificial-intelligence
4 months ago
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Jay
4 months ago
The president called this grieving woman and her murdered wife professional agitators. The federal government called them terrorists. We are ruled by irredeemable monsters
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Living in America makes me feel disgusted and heartbroken in new ways almost every single day. I really donât know how to handle it.
4 months ago
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Ken Jennings
4 months ago
The âprosecute the former regime at every levelâ candidate has my vote in 2028.
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Tony Delgado đșđž đ”đ·
5 months ago
"The Criterion Closet, in direct contravention of this administrationâs priorities, acts as an expertly curated sanctuary for foreign films that are criminally difficult to find."
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We're Going to Deport Every Foreign Film in the Criterion Closet
A memo from your friends at ICE.
https://open.substack.com/pub/chortleblog/p/foreign-films-ice-border-patrol-deportations-criterion-collection?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web
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We are the sons and daughters of the Timothées you couldn't Chalamet.
5 months ago
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In some ways, this was the most shocking week of âRealityâ in recent memory. No spoilers, but letâs just say that it featured more horrific twists than an episode of âThe Walking Deadâ starring Chubby Checker.
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Recapping the Latest Episode of âRealityâ
Season 2025 nears a depressing conclusion.
https://www.chortle.blog/p/recapping-the-latest-episode-of-reality
5 months ago
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Tony Delgado đșđž đ”đ·
5 months ago
I had something published on
@chortle.blog
this morning. Please check it out if you'd like a laugh, especially you
@criterionchannl.bsky.social
đ
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We're Going to Deport Every Foreign Film in the Criterion Closet
A memo from your friends at ICE.
https://open.substack.com/pub/chortleblog/p/foreign-films-ice-border-patrol-deportations-criterion-collection?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web
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This year, weâre once again forgoing a traditional âgift guideâ in favor of a spotlight on the hottest GRIFTS of 2025âbecause nothing says âI careâ like helping a loved one achieve financial prosperity via moral bankruptcy.
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Our Holiday GRIFT Guide Returns!
New year, new grifts.
https://www.chortle.blog/p/our-holiday-grift-guide-returns
5 months ago
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At the heart of it all, these guys are all compulsive freaks.
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5 months ago
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Amy Greenlee
5 months ago
"Among members of Gen Z, the use of a semicolon is considered rude."
open.substack.com/pub/chortleb...
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22 Fast Facts About Semicolons
Everything you need to know; plus lots you certainly don't.
https://open.substack.com/pub/chortleblog/p/22-fast-facts-about-semicolons?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=1eg06
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âA lot of people have stopped using semicolons, and nobody knows why. They arenât bulky like fax machines or hard to fold like maps, so it canât be one of those reasons.â More semicolon facts heavily researched by
@greenleeish.bsky.social
below!
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22 Fast Facts About Semicolons
Everything you need to know; plus lots you certainly don't.
https://www.chortle.blog/p/22-fast-facts-about-semicolons
5 months ago
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Damn girl, you had a lot of issues! Itâs Spotify Wrapped season again, and every place seems to have its own imitationânow including your therapist.
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Your Therapy Wrapped
Damn! You had A LOT of issues this year!
https://www.chortle.blog/p/your-therapy-wrapped-spotify-2025
5 months ago
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Dear Q-Tips, Your packaging warns, âNot to be inserted in your ear!â I disagree. If God didnât want us to scratch our inner ears with your little cotton ball lollipops, maybe he shouldnât have put a little pleasure center in there.
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An Open Letter to Q-Tips
I donât care what uses you suggest, we all know you're going straight in my ear.
https://www.chortle.blog/p/an-open-letter-to-q-tips
5 months ago
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While others have laughed and joked at Nuzziâs writing style and bizarrely terrible judgment, her account rang all too familiar to me. In fact, sheâs helped me realize that itâs time for me to admit something: I also had an emotional affair with Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Here is my account.
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My Emotional Affair with RFK Jr.
I also briefly fell in love with America's favorite antivaxxer.
https://www.chortle.blog/p/emotional-affair-rfk-kennedy-olivia-nuzzi
5 months ago
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The holidays are here, which means itâs time to buy a gift card for your childâs teacher while idling in the school pickup line. Your choice says a lot about you as a parentâand it probably isnât good.
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What Holiday Gift Cards for Your Childâs Teacher Say About You
Besides "thanks for keeping my kid alive."
https://www.chortle.blog/p/what-holiday-gift-cards-for-your
5 months ago
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Can someone who knows about weird Jesus people explain to me exactly what âa lot of prayerâ means in this context?
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5 months ago
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Please delete this app, people.
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5 months ago
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Give it enough time, and even traditions become unrecognizable. You may be expecting to revisit your favorite old customs this week, only to find theyâve been quietly swapped out for bizarre new versions that almost but donât quite resemble what you remember.
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New Thanksgiving Traditions
Sometimes traditions change without us even noticing!
https://www.chortle.blog/p/new-thanksgiving-traditions
6 months ago
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Greg Nix
andyâą
6 months ago
i promise i donât mean to high horse this but if youâre thinking about giving lizza ten bucks there are a lot of good independent journalists whose work you could subscribe to for a month instead
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