playing solitaire is like life. sometimes you just need a good shuffle

maybe i’d hate AI less if it could actually replace me at work so i can stay home & be cozy

i wish law & order played short blooper reels after each episode

america just needs to turn on its out-of-office replies already.

the swifties are all on threads. and they’re not okay

i keep randomly remembering a poster i bought in milan, made it all the way to the amsterdam airport, where i accidentally left it in the food court 😭

if you wanna know who your new neighbors are, put up a little free library

Willie Nelson took the side of the workers, and within hours the strike was over. That there is what we call solidarity.

Someone should reach out to Charlie Kirk for his opinion

She partied hard

i think i was somebody’s one phone call from jail tonight but they didn’t leave a message soooooo 🤷🏻‍♀️

fully dealing with an extreme depressive episode by binge reading

One second it’s “support journalism” the next second it’s “don’t give journalists money in inconspicuous chip bags,” make up your mind.

i could never be a private atty cuz how do you even bill for the majority of your time spent adhd-ing around and then like 2 hours actually completing the work?

omg gtf outta here kim davis. ENOUGH WITH THE REBOOTS ALREADY

hot take: i do not miss my flip phone. i’m actually very happy with my pocket-sized computer & govt tracking device, thank you

today’s 4am insomniac rabbit hole is the mystery surrounding the movie “don’s plum”, still blocked from being released in america by tobey maguire & leonardo dicaprio

my brain immediately when I wake up: 🎶…MY LITTLE SODA POP!!!!!! 🎶

the only thing i know for certain in this crazy mixed up world is that godzilla and king kong should NOT be friends. big green is going to eat that stupid chimp!!

Star Wars Sequel Trilogy is 10 years old, say something you like about it I like when Unkar Plutt gives Rey “one quarter portion”

[searching in a panic] I AM NOT OLDER THAN GILES. THANK HEAVENS I AM NOT OLDER THAN GILES.

Hey kids, just a regular reminder #VaccinesWork. Almost time for annual #Influenza #Vaccines. Will we get them in US this year? Will we get new #COVID19 boosters? For those over 50: get #Shingles #Pneumovax #HepatitisA #HepatitisB & if you're a woman its not too late for #HPV! #GetVaccinated

what if DT actually died of covid back in 2020 and this is just someone cosplaying him?

Not me coming home drunk asking my dog if she’s a girl’s girl and whether she’d mind me eating some leftover pizza next to her

i am not now, nor have I ever been, a morning shower person

urban outfitters is selling cassette walkmans for $99 if you wanna shoot your self in the face

I remember one time I told Justin Timberlake that I couldn't cry him a river as rivers contain freshwater and our tears have salt in them and then I was tazed half to death by Joey Fatone

If they’ve blocked you on every app, good news: they clearly want to see you in person. Stay tuned for more life-saving tips.

some of my clients accuse me of being in court too much. like it’s this whole conspiracy where I ✨ a lawyer ✨ am pretending to go to court all the time just to spite them

can’t believe i went to see a movie last night and by the time i came out, WWIII had started

Me: I need to drink more water *opens a can of diet coke*

If you were too young in 2003 here is what Bush told the American people: 1) The Iraq War won’t cost a lot of money 3) We won’t need a lot of troops 4) We’ll bring peace and freedom to Iraq 5) We’ll find WMDs 6) We’ll be welcomed as liberators 7) It will be easy 8) It won’t take long All lies.

I can’t fucking believe we’re doing this.

tbh world war three is actually kind of a fucked up name for a baby girl

every sunday night i just really cannot believe i have to go to work on monday

we need more exotic animals to escape and distract us from all the real life stuff

@hawaiianpunch.bsky.social

best moment in our marriage so far is me demanding that @forestservicehater.bsky.social get in the kitchen and make me a sammich

dumbest thing a landlord has ever said to me, a lawyer: “oh yeah you really know the law when it suits you, huh?!”

Happy Mother's Day to @hawaiianpunch.bsky.social, who gave us our incredible child

i’m too high to laminate but not too high to do use my old reliable fave. PAPER SHREDDER

okay i just wanna know what my new monthly student loan payment is gonna be. enough with the suspense already

Did you know there is a Native trans hip-hop artist, Bobby Sanchez? Learned something new (as always) on this Native American Calling episode about Native hip-hop artists. www.nativeamericacalling.com/thursday-apr...