What I look for in a man

hanta? I hardly even know ‘er!

Ey-oooooo! First Green mayor!

being read for filth in the GC for my skincare routine but I just want to be marginally less hideous and throw money at the problem 🙁

done me democracy 💚

The worst thing about UK politics is when I read the policies I probably align with the Lib Dems the most but it’s such a cuck move isn’t it? Like going to a restaurant for pasta with tomato sauce? Anyway #VoteGreen 💚

Feeling sad I couldn’t get my hernia repair done at Claire’s accessories before they shut

I’m on a life support course and the education centre is in the maternity block so I presume with my knackered expression everyone assumes I’m a new dad having a vape break.

concerned I’ll be turned away from the polling station for attempting to influence votes…

Kemi doing the bare minimum watching the divas fall apart to make her the most popular (????)

“Yeah I’m actually very neat while plastering”

That diva from The Cube

small bowel obstruction, if it slayed

me after my streak-free self tan

I suppose it’s fair to say I didn’t wash my hands thoroughly after putting the tanning drops on…

longest training run pre Hackney Half in two weeks - deliberately slow to build an “aerobic base” whatever that is. At 92% of my goal - help me reach £500 so other cats can be adopted by insufferable gay men like poor Apollo www.justgiving.com/page/russell...

Took an extra methylphenidate and really honed in on the TK Maxx racks. £600 worth of designer bits for £150 yes please.

Absolutely cannot get on board with the fact this year’s summer clothes are all crotchet? Do other people not sweat?!

Can’t believe M&S blended Rose and Blanche :(

Booked a load of restaurants/activities for mexico, went M&S for a lovely selection of dinner bits, and now I’m gonna have a nap with the cat. What a Saturday. 10/10.

CELEBRITY TRAITORS SERIES TWO CAST ANNOUNCED 🚨🚨

I’m an enormous fan of this checked shacket number and was keen to wear it cos it’s new but admittedly the 25 degree sunny day was not the one for WOOL

mother showed UP for the soundtrack - I am so fucken excited for this film?!

serving Miranda Priestley on the Lizzie line in honour of DWP2. That’s all.

Just stopped for a vape outside TCR before going shopping and it took me a minute I’d done so next to the Jehovah’s witnesses stand so presumably I’m on some tourist’s TikTok now looking like I’m making no effort to hand out the watchtower.

so into cardigans and shackets rn

phenomenal, incredible, outstanding, perfect

Received three separate misspellings of my name across three separate emails this evening. It’s literally 5 different letters? Two are doubled? It was available to copy three times on the email I sent them? C’mon???

sat listening to the birds 🥲

My 5yo came home from school yesterday and declared that her favorite dinosaur is, and I quote, “the falafel raptor”

You think you’ve seen the worst of humanity and then you pop into the staff loos at work to be confronted with someone’s enormous dense full turd swimming around and staring at you. Why are people.

I just sent a picture of my prepped lunches to Claude to see if it could estimate calories and Apollo’s toothpaste was in the background and it got very concerned I was on insulin and hadn’t told it lmao

12th time’s the charm as they say!

did me big old run alright so you can all stop pestering me now?!?!

Stopped for a drink on my long run and got shat on. Cool.

occasionally I think about leaving in London then I remember in stint I can do this sort of walk from home to go and see an award winning play on a random weekday evening and I decide nah it’s pretty excellent actually?

A very happy St George's Day, to all who celebrate.

I don’t mean to suggest we’ve really spoiled our fluffy little son but I moved his boxes and toys to hoover and he sat there SCREAMING AND SCREAMING AND SCREAMING at me until I put them back for him. Obviously will continue to spoil him because he is my precious angel and I love him endlessly…

I need to do a 15 km run today but also I feel like I was recently exhumed, someone send motivation dear god 🫩

Can’t believe I’ve had to fight in my second “traverse central London during tube strikes to get to work on time” war. I’m too young and pretty for this.

Lower bills. Tax billionaires. Replace Labour. Take the fight to Reform. Join.greenparty.org.uk

Would you like a sensation 🍆

Looking forward to seeing the Nadine Dorries transition timeline

Someone’s sent me a blind 4 month old kitten needing a home and I’m so torn because Apollo is so well settled and I don’t think needs a little pal at all (and if anything it could disrupt him) BUT also I want to adopt and love all the lil disabled cats??? And Apollo could be a big brother???

I’ve been sent a phone stand and mini microphone to record some lectures for a healthcare education company, and it’s making me consider a pivot into TikTok content. Maybe I’ll finally become a MedFluencer. ADHDfluencer. Invisalignfluencer. Catfluenfer. I JUST WANNA BE A COOL GEN Z 😭

sun spot bubby

decent run with four weeks til Hackney Half

oh sure

been absolutely slaughtered by this ID photo they’ve dug out of the archives for my new badge