Just had a teenage patient come in wearing a velour track suit, uggs, and a Coach shoulder bag and I feel like I’m having a stroke

Are we supposed to call our reps and tell them we don’t like when the president engages in overt war crimes, or can we trust them to get there on their own?

You should be embarrassed to be a member of congress and issuing anything other than impeachment resolutions. You're in the model UN. They should give you legos and a propeller hat

Being an American feels like getting on a school bus and then your bus driver decides to do a drive by

It's an old and obvious pattern. An unpopular president - failing on the economy and losing his grip on power at home - decides to launch a war for regime change abroad. The American people don’t want to “run” a foreign country while our leaders fail to improve life in this one.

what's all this

“Having just pardoned the former president of Honduras, Juan Hernández, who was convicted by a jury for trafficking drugs into the United States, we will now prosecute Nicolas Maduro for trafficking drugs into the United States”

Either I’m the biggest TV noise hater to exist or everyone but me is deaf

One of my favorite jokes to make as an ortho turned urgent care PA is to look at an EKG and say wow this x-ray is really bad

Me waiting for the bus omw to kick your ass

I’m gonna be sworn in on the DSM 5

I just wanna know where Gandalf got his keratin treatment

Football is so dumb and boring I’m sorry

Tradwife content is just cosplaying oppression

You don’t need a New Year’s resolution that requires you to buy stuff! Just saying

pound for pound this might be the funniest thing ever written

Imagine looking at a newborn baby boy and naming him Tyler

The two genders are shoresy and heated rivalry and as far as that’s concerned, I’m a bisexual

I love the smell of a bathroom that just had the life bleached and scrubbed out of it

Me: I’m not that Long Island and I don’t have an accent My niece when she’s acting up and I finally say “ya done”: 🙀

When I first started running a good pair of shoes was $85 and a marathon entrance fee was maybe like $60 When did this shit become a luxury sport

I love how every couch on Heated Rivalry is from Crate & Barrel and also that I recognize them

Unpopular opinion: I absolutely loathe A Christmas Story It’s an entire movie of kids screaming and whining non stop and it sets my teeth on edge

“Alright everyone. You gotta clean your butts for Santa” -my 4 year old niece

A friend just posted a meme joking about being super old once her bf decides to marry her The boyfriend she’s about to have a second kid with Girl are you kidding me

I bought this with my first Christmas bonus as a PA after wanting one for years. It was on sale and I got it for a good price but it was one of the most expensive things I’d ever bought at the time

My festivus grievance is that people are already so fucking dumb on average and now we have AI legitimizing their stupidity and I honestly think society won’t survive it

Yall better don your gay apparel* *some type of mask because everyone has the flu

If Lara Croft’s boobs from Tomb Raider on PS1 was a battleship

Guys what if it happens on Christmas

Grandma got run over by the triple respiratory viruses.

Got some off brand teeth whitening strips and they have a lovely flavor of pool chemicals and salt

Maybe Trump only wants to bring back coal because he really really loves miners

Followed up a horrendous day at work where I stayed an hour late by dreaming about work! Oh goodie

Videos of dogs wearing shoes is my cocomelon

Flu A? For fall? Groundbreaking

It’s so insulting to me that our measles screening asks for travel outside the US but not to states with active measles outbreaks

So reindeer (Rangifer tarandus) can't fly, but they are VERY MAGICAL. For example, their EYES CHANGE COLOR during the year & they're one of the few large mammals that can see UV. Golden brown in summer, deep blue in winter. Let's talk about the unique visual adaptations of Rudolph and company.

Ok men this is the day to get stocking stuffers for your wife, and yes you need to. It’s not hard but here are some ideas -hair ties/clips -face masks -her favorite candy -a nicely scented soap -new tube of her mascara -a coffee gift card -fuzzy socks -a bath bomb -hand lotion -a mini candle

Nobody works this hard for this long to cover up something this bad unless they are guilty.

Unfortunately, I really think the only way we’re turning the tides of public opinion is a mass return of vaccine preventable disease and kids who were never exposed to Tylenol/vaccines still turning out autistic. And I say this with all the misery it deserves.

I’m in a weird mood. Leg day + Rachmaninoff I’m fine

Remember when your family comes at you with the “ungrateful” it means you won and they don’t have anything legitimate to say about the fact you don’t wanna spend holidays with them anymore 😎

Mine is between Fellowship of the Ring and Shrek. So…adventures with medieval themes?

I’d like to thank the Canadian taxpayer for Heated Rivalry

I gotta give it to The North Face, all of the winter gear I got during the 2020 covid 50% healthcare discount is still like new despite constant use

What if we named people like show dogs Your buddy Mike has a legal name that’s like “Ch All the Small Things Jr”

COMING SOON: Avatar on Fire, brought to you by the guy who did Avatar and Avatar But There’s Swimming

Every time I go home to Long Island I turn into Gordon Ramsay saying “finally some good fucking food”