Freud’s critics after ranting about the ego and superego:

Has anyone made the ‘it’s only autism if it’s from the paracetamol region of France, otherwise it’s just sparkling neurodivergence’ joke yet?

Well, someone’s got to break the ice and it might as well be me

Uh oh, new vocal stim just dropped

Not to be dramatic, but I’ve had two save the dates for Christmas meals hit my inbox today and that’s unasseptable

Anyone want to share my peach ring(s)? 🍑😏👀

I pushed a work meeting back to this afternoon to give me enough time to buy these tickets but was in and out within 5 mins of the sale starting

PAM COOKE ALERT

If there was any doubt as to how feral I’m feeling today, I’ve just grabbed lunch from a new sandwich shop and when the chef handed over my order I said “thanks, handsome” and fucking winked at him

I’m just saying, I think a 40-60 minute sloppy make out sesh would be very healing, actually

Would now be a good time to talk about Scottish country dancing?

I regret to inform you I will NOT be re-introducing myself! I WILL remain a mystery and encourage you piece together who I am, bit by bit

Sweet potato, carrot, and leek (topped with sour cream, honey, feta, and coriander) if anyone is interested 😇

Didn’t post about it at the time because I got swept up in all the excitement, but after the Emmys last week I am officially only 4 awards away from EGOT status!!!

good morning

I’d like to make a public apology. I haven’t done anything wrong, I just want the attention

It’s soup day!!!!!

D’you want me to sing Don’t Cry for Me Argentina from my balcony, anyone? Lift the mood a bit

Just academia things

Did you hear about our John?

Can’t wait to immediately burst into tears when she sings We Can’t Be Friends xo

AS I WAS SAYING

Yuh

Trouble with the trolley, eh?

I know exactly what my mirror message would be if I ever competed on Drag Race

SMUG

Kids, I’m afraid I have some bad news about Lenny…

Any recipe that calls for a couple cloves of garlic really means the whole bulb, right?

In a move which will surprise precisely nobody, I have decided I’m not a hookups guy. I’m a dates guy

Did I ever tell you about the time my friend got strong-armed into hanging out out with an acquaintance he wasn’t that interested in seeing, so he suggested going to a drop-in silence at a Quaker meeting house so they didn’t have to talk to each other?

When opening a fresh pack of Starburst, does anyone else arrange them all by colour, eat any leftovers until there is an equal number of each flavour, then cycle through them four at a time to maintain the even balance?

Pleased to report I made the sagely and wise decision to wear a white top while cooking a tomato and red pepper soup 🙃

currently hiding from Villains in an air duct, I hope nothing will make a noise to betray my position

Smug

Hi, I’m Matt. Actress, model, comedian, and the one name Lou Bega couldn’t say in Mambo No. 5 because just like my asshole, my NDAs are watertight

*Now* a warning?!

I’m holding off playing Silksong until the developers patch it, I’ve heard it’s full of bugs

What a fucking day

Can’t think of a better soundtrack to herald my triumphant return to the gym

They've just chuckled while taking the dog out because they heard me singing The Trolley Song 🙃

I never really just how much I needed a haircut until I get one

The casting department at Oh Mary! truly never miss

JANE KRAKOWSKI MARY TODD LINCOLN

I just think that it’s incredibly chic when a month begins on a Monday

Sometimes Caecilius est in horto and I just think that’s beautiful

What people seem to forget is being chopped often precedes eating

21

Just did a full body cringe because I remembered the time a boy complimented my jawline and my witty, sexy, flirtatious response was “thanks, I chew a lot of gum”