I am so desperate for people to think I’m funny that I’m posting this in hopes you will all laugh and validate my humor even though this isn’t funny at all oh god I’m a failure

Getting older means having random pains that could be something serious but probably aren’t but you never know.

You shouldn’t have to present your ID, credit card info, or face to be scanned just to access your favorite sites, news, or games yet this is the growing reality for Internet users globally. We need a firestorm to take down online ID checks for good-- so we planned one. Join us for a week of action!

this is the greatest Christmas movie ever made and if you disagree you're wrong

I made cupcakes for the Bluesky bake sale

1. Why did I agree to work on the Friday after thanksgiving 2. Why did I agree to update the website 3. Why did I decide to update the website on the Friday after thanksgiving

Just thinking I can’t believe it’s knot butter

In the back seat with my son His hand wrapped around my finger My hand wrapped around his He watches the world pass by in reverse I watch him, my world Is the city lights shining in his wide eyes And this passing moment Feeling his now tiny fingers Holding mine tonight.

Introduce yourself with 5 concerts you’ve seen. R.E.M. R.E.M. R.E.M. R.E.M. R.E.M.

We give thanks for the Americans who welcomed refugees seeking a new opportunities in a new place and helped feed them, though those refugees then massacred the Americans and forced them into concentration camps and…hm.

Without trying to sound too sappy, I want to say that I am very thankful for everyone here. Thanks for making me laugh, for teaching me and others, for posting cute pet photos, for helping people online when they're in need, and for being kind. I hope everyone has a happy, healthy Thanksgiving 🖤

‘Twas the night before Thanksgiving And all through the White House Not a turkey was stirring They were all buried in the rubble of the East Wing.

I haven’t lost my faith in humanity, I never had any to begin with.

You’ve been kidnapped. The characters from the last TV show you watched are trying to rescue you. Who’s coming to save you?

Emails show Trump's FBI paid $850K in overtime to agent to review and change Epstein files: report www.rawstory.com/epstein-file...

I just realized that it wasn’t her smile, her eyes, her laugh, or her kindness that brought me to her yard. It was her milkshake all along.

yeah

Shuffle your card deck, pull out a card. This is your card, remember it. Put it back in the deck, shuffle again. Pull out a card. Is this your card? No? Then you suck at magic!

Remember when pressing a button made something mechanical happen?

Today’s “teenage mental health crisis” and social media panic are founded in nostalgic myths. Our best long-term surveys and statistics show Boomer and Xer teens were no happier or more “together” than teens are today

I don't think even a woodchuck would fuck Chuck, but if so, another woodchuck could watch and then it'd be a woodchuckcuck

Got coconut oil from Some Brownish Baby’s hair in one eye, so now all of you are 2D.

Reposting this brilliance from the bird site: NYC Mayor-Elect Zohran Mamdani will be requiring all elementary school children learn Arabic numerals.

In the richest city on Earth, 40% of NYC families can’t afford weekly food costs, and food prices are up 33% over the past decade. It’s time for a city government that puts affordability at the top of the agenda.

Me: I have two birds inside of me. Doc: Swallow one stone. That oughta do it.

Live, love, launch yourself into traffic.

Do you all feel absolutely crazy as I do with everything going on? Please say yes

“Welcome to Bluesky. We’re sorry about Jerry.”

Can’t wait for the whistleblower who will reveal that the Epstein files were scrubbed by some twentysomething using AI

I’m happy. I’m not supposed to be happy. Damn. I fucked up.

I'd love to work, you know how I love to work, but the cloudflare error, I mean, what can you do?

Cloudflare down, and it’s front page news. I miss the days when you had to use tracert to discover internet outages.

The information contradicts the Trump administration's narrative that it is targeting the "worst of the worst" when conducting immigration enforcement. and seems to violate a 2022 federal consent decree that puts strong conditions on warrantless arrests. n.pr/4i6rNLX

You guys, the HOTTEST woman in the ENTIRE GODDAMN PLANET is in bed with me RIGHT NOW! How is this possible? I have no idea.

Frank Zappa was right about everything. #FightMe

If people who sell drugs to other people who choose to use them and die are considered terrorists, what about people who sell weapons to other people who choose to use them and kill innocent children and civilians?

Making a major life decision is easier knowing that I will have Some White Woman and Some Brownish Baby no matter what.

The Bears are 7-3? Is this fucking bizarro world or something?

The revolution will not be skeeted

There are some hot white women out there, and some on here, but the hottest one is in bed with me right now.

The phone number for the U.S. Capitol switchboard is (202) 224-3121. #epstein

I wanna smell like Ariana Grande.

In case you haven’t already noticed the substantial improvement in Bluesky in the last few hours, @bbkittyfck.bsky.social is back.

so much suffering and sacrifice only to to agree to terms that will beget more suffering and sacrifice.

I’m voting no on the continuing resolution that would double healthcare premiums for 20 million Americans, kick 15 million people off Medicaid & allow 50,000 Americans to die unnecessarily every year. All to give $1 trillion in tax breaks for billionaires.

The average SNAP benefit per month is $177 a person. The average ACA benefit per month is up to $550 a person. People want us to hold the line for a reason. This is not a matter of appealing to a base. It’s about people’s lives. And working people want leaders whose word means something to them.

Anyway a great way to radicalize people is for them to realize that you just abandoned their chance at being able to access and afford health care because you didn’t like waiting in line at the airport.

US citizen George Retes speaks out about his unlawful detainment by ICE. Institute for Justice website: ij.org