If we ACTUALLY destroyed the patriarchy, we'd be talking about FLEEK MAI

Actual gyms should have gym leaders. I would go to a gym if they had a gym leader I got to challenge in some way.

Autistics will write you a 10 page essay on why your spoon is wrong, and when you ask them which cup they want, just be like "mmmmmm plamstic cup pweeze :3"

Penguins of Madagascar sequel where the boys go head to head against a DIFFERENT team of aquatic agents and they're called Team Six Seals

To all the peeps who had crushes on me and then realized they were gay: YOU'RE WELCOME

I think I am cool and good and worthy of love, actually.

Its swimsuit season, I whisper, eating another swimsuit

If you die in real life... You die in the game 😨

You couldn't make Blazing Saddles these days. You know... Because Gene Wilder is dead.

Trying to convince myself that estrogen made me MORE muscular, actually.

Up at 4§m zeeting bangers for you ingrateful fools

Being trans is actually p great when other people SHUT THE FUCK UP about it. 😎

The secret to art is that you should make it even if it isn't good

I always thought religiously drinking water was such BS, but I will literally have migraines now if I don't do it, so I guess the joke's on me.

PASSED OUT at 6pm WOKE UP at 2§m THE SECRET HOUR (for secrets)

people only become left handed if the mirror baby crawls out when nobody is looking and pushes the normal baby into the mirror dimension. it’s a sign of bad parenting

big fat load of cum

Real talk: why do my poops smell all right and everyone else's smell terrible???

Actual gyms should have gym leaders. I would go to a gym if they had a gym leader I got to challenge in some way.

I'm working on a sequel to the Kamasutra 😎

Pee-Wee Cooper, is that ANYTHING???

WHEN THE EXCEDRIN KICKS IN???? AND YOU CAN GO ON WITH YOUR DAY??? UNMIGRAINED??? THE BEST FEELING

Having an anxiety attack while Le Poisson Steve loops in my head 😎

Gonna make my therapist fight YOUR therapist 😤

obsessed with utada hikaru coming out as non-binary with such anger and passion (intentional kh2 reference) they’re such an inspiration

Help the urgent need for families to reconnect by purchasing e-sims using this guide and receive thank you art from a co-op member. details: cartoonist.coop/esims4gaza

My name is Zohran Kwame Mamdani and I approve this message.

I'm a 5 but the people I think are attractive think I'm the hottest person they've ever met; it's like a monkeys paw thing idk

There's two kinds of "talking shit" 1. Talking shit to vent about someone 2. Talking shit to plan someone's downfall If you're telling me someone's "talking shit about me" I'm gonna need you to specify which kind is happening 👀

Can somebody explain why everyone who dates me cuts their hair right after, or right before they start dating me? 🤣

Gene Hackman sounds like the alter ego for a super powered individual who can alter his own genetic material.

Okay... FINE! I'll play your little game... *Plays your tiny video game* Beebeep! Booboop!

10 years ago I tried to convince my design professor that this was becoming an aesthetic™ and he wouldn't believe me 😂

Core millennial experience.

*juggling five extremely large knives* I don't--I don't know how to stop

I love Seattle but I think the mold is making us evil.

shit is so fucked man

i need a 52 year old man with $800 billion to impregnate my wife . i am worried our offspring wont be sufficiently feeble and/or annoying

has the ability to do this been lost entirely

Economy? In this economy?

8 New Genders to Confound and Delight Your Mortal Nemesis: 🧵

transphobe gandalf be like you shall not pass

If you want to be trans, you are trans.

I think every 2 years, leftists should check in on all their nemesis to see if they still hate each other's guts or if they were just bad roommates for each other.

Welcome to my fellow nonbinary Jack www.out.com/celebs/saw-t...