Six years ago today. Never forget.

What’s an example of a phrase unique to you that you’ve said more than almost anything else over the course of your life? Like, the number of times I’ve said, “…the part that’s not Chicago” is probably in the thousands.

kind of crazy that if you have enough money and don't like what you see in the media, you can just buy up every film studio, news station, and social media app and change it

Even on the darkest night, you can still find a little light. It's usually found within the eyes of the fierce moss ghoul sneaking up behind you in the forest, but it's still there, nonetheless. Take comfort in that.

What’s the point of being outside during the day? It’s so bright. I can barely see my phone.

When *you* house sit for people, you make the bed. When *I* house sit, I turn off motion smoothing on their TV. We are not the same.

Oh, George RR Martin hasn’t finished one book? Big deal, I haven’t finished dozens.

i'm pretty sure this isn't what it looked like guys

No-context #Survivor, season 50 premiere

If you're working from home and you feel a pang of nostalgia for the office, microwave some day-old fish!

I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.

If you don't throw all your money into this industrial shredder right now you're gonna miss out.

Half the people who listen to true crime podcasts are thoroughly convinced they would make much better murderers than these other fools.

Been saying "uh oh" a worrying amount lately

When I go through difficult times, I am aways reminded of the last words of my great aunt: “Aaaah! A crucifix!”

I’ve seen many posts on social media criticizing the Super Bowl halftime show because it wasn’t sung in English, and I’m like, what do these people do when they’re at the opera?

Oh, we don't go to that Coinstar. That's the haunted one

a good alternative to meditation is screaming

In 1996, I read an article in Might Magazine titled “The Sudden and Inexplicable Ubiquity of Caesar Salad.” It was about how Caesar Salad was literally everywhere—at every restaurant chain, even Denny’s and McDonald’s, in Caesar-flavored chips, etc. Anyway, have some Dubai chocolate.

When is the last time three different horror movies took the top three spots at the U.S. box office?

Normalize making verbs out of adjectives by adding a suffix.

You must seek out the great astronaut Pagliacci

Scientists have found some dogs have an advanced word-learning ability, a skill that puts them functionally on par with 18-month-old children: They can learn the names of new toys not only through direct instruction but also by eavesdropping on the conversations of their owners.

Student: I spent most of the break on the East Coast. I was working in Dallas, Texas. Me: Dallas isn't really...part of the East Coast. Student: I mean, like, the Midwest.

This watermark graffiti by street artist Mathieu Tremblin is, like, the best thing ever.

The menu says the salad comes with “pork floss,” and all I can think is that my dentist has been holding out on me

Teaching my dog karate was a terrible mistake

My new full-time job is texting “stop” to candidates and political action committees.

Pro tip: When you're having pizza delivered, order a salad as well. The act of throwing it away when you find it in the fridge next week will burn calories!

A buddy in MN shared a drawing a classmate of his kid made. They've been making thank you notes for parents who have volunteered to carpool them to school so their own parents don't have to risk waiting out by the bus stop.

It was the omg what now of times, it was the omg what NOW of times

happy feast of circumcision to all who celebrate

The City Council has yet to approve an ordinance that would lift zoning restrictions for vampire extermination businesses, but they're having conversations with stakeholders.

“Wanna play this board game?" NORMAL PERSON: Sure! How do you win? BOARD GAMER: Who’s the designer? Who published it? What are the mechanics? What's the weighting? What's the theme? [35 minutes into the game] What are the victory conditions?

Real Estate: You’re Bidding Against Blackstone

I booked an AirBnB that’s a basement apartment in an old house, and there’s this creepy child-sized rocking chair in the middle of the floor. I asked the owner about it in the morning, and she said, “What chair?”

I kinda love when a bookstore decides, “The books you need will find you.”

My Mac’s startup noise sounds exactly like the opening chord of Sinéad O’Connor’s “Nothing Compares 2 U,” which is appropriate because it takes seven hours and fifteen days to boot up.

That is some impressive dedication.

I dunno man, today just feels like a waste of my business pyjamas

orcas have the chance to do the funniest thing

“Just for once…let me look on you with my own eyes.”

If you received an invitation to the tigers’ New Year's Feast, please be aware that you are the feast.

I am an adult and I understand that an actor is not their character; an actor is an artist who plays a character. Obviously. But also Mark Hamill is Luke Skywalker and I will hear no arguments.

Amazing that this one movie from 1995 had four future Oscar winners in the same scene.

Some years you hang a shining star upon the highest bough; some years you have to muddle through somehow.

They should make those Yule Log videos on Netflix available in different sizes. A crackling fireplace on a 32” screen is a horrifying crematorium on a 55” screen.

Tis the season to TURN OFF the bad default settings on your family’s TV! 📺

If you're enjoying these words, you might enjoy some of the other words that there are