put me in the cockpit. i’ll do what needs to be done

For Men

Happy National Flip Flop Day to all my foot guys

A Court of Thorns and Roses is just Beauty and the Beast if Belle was illiterate. Fight me.

What’s he sayin

The dad joke worms burrowed so far into my brain they came out the other side

cool experience over on twitter where you just see a constant stream of images of people dying sandwiched between ads like this

Finding balance by going to college and Jupiter.

Date idea

Thinking about how shampoo is basically just a magic potion that makes your hair shiny and clean and how the Pantene bros absolutely would have been burned at the stake a couple hundo years ago if the Puritans caught sight of my lustrous locks

About to get thrown out of here for obvious reasons

Reading reviews of a few different sleeping pills on amazon and, wow, sold

Made this a couple years ago. Still tracks.

What are some good accounts I can follow here if I just want to look at cute animals?

I hope he buys LinkedIn next

The funniest/saddest thing about this article is how men can't stand the relatively tiny followings these women have. I assumed the article would be about women with millions of followers on Instagram or TikTok, not 5000. That's practically nothing on these platforms The insecurity is staggering.

The pounding of running footsteps on the dock planks rushing past you. “I don’t wanna turn into a bird againnnn,” the large man cries out before cannon balling over the railing. You don’t hear a splash, only the rustling flaps of a seagull’s wings and a loud squawk that sounds eerily like “oh crap.”

Bsky staff, c'mon. Just say you fucked up and that you're taking this seriously and you're going to update soon with more details about what your plan is. Silence is not the right move right now. Don't wait until you have the perfect plan or response. Just say "we caused harm and we are sorry"

“I’m sorry, we Fucked up, we’re working on it, we’ll do better” would be better than silence

The human body is 70% water. We are basically cucumbers with anxiety.

Everyone please give a warm welcome to my partner, who I definitely didn’t talk about or mock in any way at all for two weeks only to delete everything before sending them my invite code, to Bluesky

Only tangentially related: I worked for a kitchenware company writing packaging / manual copy and we had a hot dog spiralizer. I had to think of a tactful way of writing “do not put your dick in this” in the warnings section.

One thing I think about often is what if bananas had bones like fish

Halfway thru the bottle when I see it’s for gorillas :(

Great thread for learning something new today

very fucked up they named the robot on star trek "data." yeah this is my human friend. his name is Feelings

Being on a social media platform my partner doesn’t have access to feels so forbidden.

What’s a character you’d love to see replaced by Tim Robinson?

Telling my partner I saw it on Bluesky three weeks ago anytime he shows me something from Twitter just to make him mad

Sun’s out, bun’s out (I have let down my hair bun in preparation for a midday nap)

me: these fireworks are so quiet wife: those are palm trees

no survivors