kind of funny that an olympian said they are here to represent "compassion, respect, and love for others" and some people automatically knew that was a statement against them

Evil perv really liked muffins. 323 results and many of those are talking about him eating a fresh muffin top for bfast. Is it also a euphemism for something else in some contexts though 😑 ANYWAY there are two different recipes and of course my fat ass is interested in the recipes more than anything

“Kamala warned us” Fuck you Palestinians warned you Black people warned you The Left warned you Half the international community warned you The US slide into fascism has been long and slow. Many have been falsely imprisoned or killed by it over decades. It just finally came for you.

please sir i would like to come to human prey island what day/night will be your bloodiest hunt

I guess this didn't make it into the documentary.

You want to hear something unsettling? When I’m kind of stressed out and in a weird mood I unfortunately have visions of fireballs shooting across a midday sky ! Seems normal !!

A year ago: We need TAXES on the WEALTHY Now: We need a cleansing fire

it’s not necessarily that all these people in the epstein files participated in the raping of girls it’s that none of them cared and if he hadn’t been arrested and died they’d still be out there trying to be his friend

Can someone smarter than me explain why the one thing I remember most clearly from any of my history classes is one professor talking about Jamestown was a sausage fest

The way my face fell when I looked at my birth chart with my correct birth time (that I got from my long form birth certificate I had to order bc my parents didn’t record my birth time anywhere) and saw I have two houses at the 22 “kill or be killed” degree

Uh oh

Quite unimportant, but I had a dream a couple of months ago that the next fiestaware color was lavender, and what do you know? It’s lavender. The prophecy has been fulfilled and I am an oracle most of the time.

BREAKING: Explosions felt across New York City as full socialism begins

Unfortunately I already knew the answer

As someone who is addicted to flossing I think it’s kind of shitty that I still get cavities

Guess who’s getting ready to eat another jar of tapenade

I love working at the Department of Justice and participating in a conspiracy to cover up the demented 80 year old president's sex crimes. I spend 18 hours a day redacting documents and there's a putrid husk where my soul used to be

2026 is gonna be my year

We staffed the entire FBI with guys who only make memes and podcasts, hope that doesn't affect our ability to respond to major crimes

Listening to my mother talk about how she hates my sister’s shitty boyf bc he has a temper is so rich bc my father was a highly qualified screamer and wall puncher and she is still with him to this day lmao

*eats an entire jar of olive tapenade in one day* “Why can’t I lose weight?”

Needs a claw clip

Had a dream it happened and I found out via news banner on me phone

permission to lib out your honor

Looks like the Dems will pick up 12 seats in the VA House of Delegates, which will go from 51-49 to 63-37 D-R. That's an honestly shocking result.

interior design where you're just randomly pressing buttons for yellow gold, white marble, and crystal chandelier to remind everyone you're very rich

Hey can someone buy me these 4 sets of retired Fiestaware in Flamingo, Butterscotch, Lemongrass, and Peacock? I feel like that’d help me out a lot personally. Not the shitshow of the world at large, but def me.

Gonna have to teach everyone from scratch that the president isn't your boss, he's your employee

Thank god I’m an atheist (ha) bc these evangelicals have lost their damn minds. I keep thinking it couldn’t possibly get worse but it sure does! Lost. Their. Damn. Minds.

Coworker who doesn’t shut up in here talking about how she has about two productive work hours a day and boy she ain’t telling a lie.

Calling peoples' employers in a rage because their tributes to Robert Redford weren't horny enough

so many dead canaries and we just keep on mining

Istg my kittens I just got neutered keep staring at me and looking like Kash Patel

Being put on the no-fly list for purchasing a “Mean People Suck” t-shirt

I accidentally bought a mouse pad and wrist rest from China when I was trying so hard not to and I’m going to get charged so much on duties bc of those friggin tariffs ain’t I

I shouldn't be shocked, but I'm still always brought up short to realize how many people think "civility" means "white people speaking in relatively calm voices" no matter what vile shit they say.

the world will have to learn what “groypers” are and i don’t think the average boomer is ready for that

Woman at work is acting like C***** K*** is her son she is so dang upset he got shot. I am in enemy territory always. 😃

Immediately wiped out first thing this morning waking into my new job. I don’t think anyone saw me but I’m almost certain I sprained my foot and I am too embarrassed to ask to leave to go to urgent care. I have three more hours before I can go home and cry it out.

congrats to pizzagate for making the main epstein guy president

I think the job I quit after two weeks overpaid by quite a bit just now and I’m very nervous they will realize and take it back

Oh! Ate non-homecooked meals for 4 days in a row bc I had to stay in a hotel for training and I was incredibly stressed the whole time and felt like I was going to pass out on the drive home and I look down and my ankles were almost the size of my calves. Picture of health over here.

I'm the biggest strongest bravest boy in the world, there's only one thing I'm afraid of and it's every single city

usually if you ask experts why an empire fell they’ll say it’s nuanced and multifaceted, so i think it’s kind of cool that with America future historians will get to just say like “oh they took the idiot train to moronsville”

Today I don’t believe in tarot cards but I probably will again tomorrow

*young me, developing a strong sense of justice* This is gonna be great, what an asset, this will never drive me insane