Granny flat discourse drives me nuts. I don’t really mind if people want to have ADUs but the people most invested in legalization are very conveniently leaving out that the actual effect on housing supply from their introduction is going to be fairly minimal

Oldest trick in the book

CHOTINER: ME: CHOTINER: ME: CHOTINER: ME: CHOTINER: So you don’t really do— ME: I’ve never really done much of anything, no

Oh shit oh fuck the xenomorphs have Adidas now

CHOTINER: what’s up ME: not much dude CHOTINER: right on

I hate small business so much

Kid napped on me while looking out the window on my lunch hour today. Work from home rocks and anyone who tries to take it from you should be put in prison

My name is Dallas Knapp and I am a proud Democratic Socialist who is excited to announce that I am running for office in Chicago, Illinois! I'm running to give voters a choice for change on the ballot, and I ask you all to help me spread the word: www.dallasforillinois.com

Unfortunately not beyond the realm of possibility that the Dallas attack was actually anti-ICE in nature. Accidentally shooting everyone except ICE officers is basically what I would expect of someone who decided that enough was enough and who also was a fucking moron, although the suicide part isnt

kash patel was so surprised when he saw what was on the shell casing his eyes bugged out

Like most Trump admin stuff there’s a lot of wiggle room in what they’re talking about and they chicken out all the time (remember Greenland) but if they actually did bail out Argentina it would be the craziest shit any President has done since 2003

putting aside the calamity that american hegemony has been for so many places on the globe, no one should want a world that takes its cues from a nation that has abandoned any pretexts of fairness, scrupulousness, transparency, ethics. just an emboldening of the worst actors' worst impulses globally

i have seen exactly zero evidence to suggest that peter thiel is anything other than a dumbass who got lucky once

comparing it to the league not formerly giving parental leave or bereavement league is so, so, so funny

Apparently they met at their apartment complex during the off season and he would text him after each of his games. To which I say: isn’t Matt Shaw’s father alive? Doesn’t he have another role model that isn’t just a neighbor who was a fan of the team?

Had two of these while watching the game last night and I dunno if I would say it was good but it definitely fixed me. Kinda like cold medicine

For those who want to keep track, here's a timeline of IL9 so far. Will be updated as we go along In total, we have 18 Ds vying for the nomination per FEC filings, and 3 Rs, although some of them are far more active than others Signature deadline to make the ballot is about six weeks away...

Irrelevant. None of that is meant for voters, it’s meant for politicians

It is very funny that Arabs and Muslims were told for a year that they had to swallow every single conceivable bitter pill and support a candidacy and a party that was sponsoring the murder of their families but suddenly a Muslim wins a primary and the two leaders of the DP can skirt around it.

Shh nobody tell him

You’re Catholic!!! This was very deliberately patterned after evangelical megachurch spectacles! Have some self-respect!

Went to Starbucks and ordered the little girl drink that Charlie Kirk liked under his name but instead they wrote “I bear witness that there is no god but God, and I bear witness that Muhammad is the Messenger of God” on the cup in beautiful Arabic script. Now I’m Muslim. Starbucks I demand answers

Accidentally raptured into heaven with all the evangelicals and somehow one of them has already set up the worst barbecue place imaginable. There's a banner out front where the illustration depicts a pig that has a goatee and is wearing a handgun in a holster. Everything tastes like corn syrup.

you can take as much tylenol as you want. you just have to make sure the security guards dont see you

The McRib is back for a limited time

this is the funniest possible way to describe GWAR

This is some good goddamn football I tell ya

Haha I'm being Raptured! This is wonderful, ha ha goodbye losers [It is revealed that the events of the film Nope are happening to me] fuck shit

Big Bird’s mom took Tylenol when she was pregnant and now he’s 8 ft tall and speaks English. Still think it’s safe?

it would be political suicide to do it but like 60% of the developed world very badly needs a poltician willing to talk to them like adults and say “listen, you can let in Rahul to work and pay taxes, you can pay more taxes, or your pension can be cut. those are the options. you need to pick one.”

I don’t care about UK politics all that much past being able to say “fuck off Brits” and it’s weird that the rest of you do

Weird that Eberflus couldn’t keep the Bears from scoring points yesterday. He did a pretty good job of that when he was coaching them

Yelling "they can't keep getting away with it" at my TV before the replay shows Brian Daboll clearly thinking the same thing

Chris Collinsworth when Patrick Mahomes recovers the ball he threw for a 15 yard loss

i'm going to be totally honest, i'm not above it and i wouldn't be mad if my friends swore oaths of vengeance on my enemies at my funeral

It is with no pleasure that i must report that the dallas cowboys have been euthanized live on national television 😔✊

Olamide Zaccheaus went for the jumping celebration with DJ Moore who didn't see him 😭🤣

they’re having such a fun time at a funeral

This is exactly backwards. From the beginning, Kirk was the beneficiary of a large and highly organized network of dark money donors who were looking for a spokesman. No way he would have done what he did without patrons like Montgomery and Uihlein. Kirk didn't make money - money made Kirk.

lol Aaron Glenn...

Humiliating loss for Green Bay against a team that no one thinks is good. Tough for them. Anyway, time to watch my team, which I’m predicting will have a 5 win season, play against the 2025 Dallas Cowboys

What's the matter babe you've barely touched your event horizon ribs

Hello it’s me, Illinois Representative Sean Casten. Just wanted to check in and tell you that it’s your moral and political responsibility to be nice to Trump voters. Anyway talk to you later, I need to go co-sign a $1,000,0000,000,000,000,000 check for Israel to buy more weapons from the US

hit him with a jumping knee though