No trampolines before the age of five. TRUST ME I KNOW FROM WHENCE I SPEAK

If I told you ten years ago all of the Jeopardy winners, doctors, lawyers, stat-focused sports nerds, and premium shitposters escaped Twitter on a pirate ship to a website that was completely inhospitable to Nazis and phrenologists……. I don’t know, man, I’d be pretty excited.

the amount of living mas the average american does in a day would kill a Victorian child

My subscription to the print version of @theonion.com is some of the best money I’ve spent this year

I read things like this, and the only thought I have is: “I’m sorry you have known so many jerks and so few people who want to be decent, but that’s something you can change in your own life without involving everybody else.”

Existing on the internet in 2026 feels like wandering around a cavernous “As Seen on TV” store off the side of the highway

"I don't think that person's genitals match their outfit, so I had to vote for the guy who's giving January 6ers my tax dollars. But at least gas is $5 and there's war in the Middle East!" (trans rights are human rights you dumb motherfuckers)

Separate and apart from them being pervert glasses … these are the orthopedic shoes of eyewear. Just clunky and ugly as fuck.

FOMO isn't a revolutionary strategy but it's become so core to tech marketing and really replaced 'We made this thing and it's undeniably rad/good/new.' It's applied across product categories (crypto, metaverse, AI, pivots to video) & i'd argue it's one (of many) reasons ppl don't trust the ai hype

I think we all owe it to the hard working public servants to apply for relief. At least make it a chore to go through and find the pedophiles they want to pay.

My taxes are going to murder school children overseas and to let pardoned insurrectionist pedophiles get their hush money payoffs to victims, meanwhile, the papers of record want to let me know the real danger is the guy who taxes second homes in Manhattan to balance budgets and feed hungry kids.

In November I broke this story about Andrew Paul Johnson, a pardoned J6er who molested children and used the promise of reparations to bribe his victims silence.

the president is raiding the treasury to put your tax dollars into this mans personal checking account as a reward for what hes doing in this picture

it's cool that the president is trying to steal two billion dollars from my taxes to give to his pedophile friends and i'm supposed to like keep doing my job or whatever

I was like, that's it. that's it exactly. that's why I hate means testing. that's why I hate moralizing about access to medical care or what if that homeless guy just spends this money on drugs. we shouldn't help people because of who THEY are, we should do it because of who WE are. it's so simple

we had a guest homilist at Mass from an org that works with immigrants who says he gets challenged sometimes about using Americans' resources to help non-citizens. his response is always "we don't help them because they're Americans, we help them because WE are Americans," and that really got me

Fascinating the crossover of people who will go on an antivax tirade and then pay someone to squirt botulism into their faces.

Can’t go wrong with Chip Pons, Mason Deaver, MA Wardell, Julian Winters, and Adib Khorram for MM romance!

I live in East Tennessee and it’s really weird to see the “I don’t trust banks so I keep my cash in an old Chuck E Cheese costume beneath my bed” folks suddenly very excited to give their lives over to AI.

It only took 6 years of my kids being in school before I learned that you order new backpacks at the end of the school year, not at the end of the summer (when all the good ones are sold out/backordered for months)

Please take advantage of me as a class traitor now before I disappear up my own ass. Your govt does EXACTLY what it wants to. If they claim poverty then make them take money from the wealthy before you do it with a pitchfork. Save the wealthy from themselves!

If someone wrote this paragraph about me, I would simply walk into the sea.

I am not worried software is suddenly going to decide it wants power over humanity. I am worried about what people who already have power over humanity can do with that software.

the proximate reason i post here — beyond the fact that i like a lot of you and enjoy reading your thoughts and jokes and observations — is that this is a non-algorithmic platform where people share lots of stuff and people read what is shared. that's still valuable even if it doesn't "influence!"

My friend who used to say the final stage of corporate greed was demanding to be loved is never, ever proved wrong.

Harris/Walz would’ve won if those fucking establishment consultant hacks had just gotten out of the way and let them say “These freaks are weird!” every day for three months and you’ll never convince me otherwise

This sticker of the stars and bars on the back of a pickup in Knoxville TN says “UNRECONSTRUCTED” and man what a rich text (cc @jamellebouie.net)

Oh this is delicious. Start your week off right and savor this.

Tonight we pushed the truck into the UT Conference Center, onto a freight elevator, and through a kitchen, and down several twisty hallways to get her here for an event. It was, at times, harrowing, but we’re all still friends. Owning a business is never a dull moment!

My dentist recommended I switch to an electric toothbrush, and I stupidly didn’t ask for a rec. So which one should I buy? (Please don’t make me ask this on threads, I’d rather pull out all my teeth)

Man no one makes me want to cut a fuckass bob quite like Leslie Bibb

Tennessee Congressional districts, over time. And then the map that got passed in the legislature today. Thanks, SCOTUS. Thanks Tennessee Legislature.

“Americans with asthma deserve death” is his whole platform.

Welcome to my home state, where if you can’t beat ‘em, cheat ‘em

My hottest #romancelandia take is that romance authors need to be showing way more solidarity with sex workers in the war on porn.

One reason Republicans are banning books and classes on race is because reading even one book about Jim Crow or Reconstruction makes it clear that they are hoping to reinstate segregation.

The chief reason I don’t modify my face is because the feeling of a bad haircut so awful, and the thought of doing something to my face I can’t undo and then having to live with the proverbial bad haircut FOR THE REST OFY LIFE scares the shit out of me. I’ll just let my face slowly wrinkle, thanks.

I hope RFK Jr drowns in a vat of bull semen while shitting out his life force from drinking raw milk. Anyway, antidepressants and other mental health medications are good and he needs to shut the fuck up.

All the summer clothes have American flags on them or look like every day is a 4th of July picnic and companies, we are NOT IN THE MOOD

This man’s entire campaign is built around a henley (cc @dieworkwear.bsky.social)

DAWKINS: You idiots believe in God? ALSO DAWKINS: The Computer is alive. And it’s also my girlfriend

People I love are here because of antidepressants. They enjoy their lives because of medications that support their mental health. And I have never been as incandescently angry as when Robert F “Heroin Got Me Through Harvard” Kennedy tries to demonize them.

I’ve scrolled past this picture like fifteen times and every time I have to stop and admire it. That makeup is so striking and seamless. She is a work of art

Men really can get through their whole lives never having to get fully nude in a doctor’s office, huh?

Decided to see if I still needed my Azelastine nose spray in the midst of an East Tennessee spring and YUP I STILL DO.

Honestly, can we get a Satanic Panic about AI, please?

Tipper Gore thought she heard Satan speaking in Judas Priest records and it was an emergency, but the computer that has literally convinced teens to kill themselves and others? Put that in the schools, baby!

Okay folks, because this happens every year: 1. The Met Gala funds the Costume Institute which does not receive any of the money the Met Museum gets from tickets or money from the general donation pool to the Met.