next week it'll be your fuckin legs

this is the future the left wants

*floating face down in the dating pool*

John Wick: Lemme get uhhh... chopp cheese. [Squints and slides a coin across the counter] ...the ocky way. Yemeni Deli Guy [smirking]: right away mister wick [hands him a loaded PKM]

As a '98 baby I'm in prime position to try and run up the score and live in three separate centuries

START SPREADING THE NEWS I’M LEAVING TODAY

no I think we've mostly got a consensus going

you really couldn't dig hell deep and hot enough for what Kissinger deserves but I appreciate Satan for putting the work in

Pardon me, I seem to have stumbled into Kazakh Duolingo instead of Spanish?

Happy Max Headroom Day to all who celebrate en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Max_Hea...

If bugs could read, do you think they'd read Metamorphosis and be like. This is soooo racist

Napoleon (2023), or, "I took the Joaq to Poland"

apparently it's unsafe to crack my own neck joints. I don't care. If I sever my vertebral arteries I'll die doing what I loved

happy thanksgiving

hi, i'm just trying to figure out who's bringing what to Thanksgiving oh that's right you're bringing the toddler with the flu. that should be fun

me giving report to the whole resus bay team for the absolute banger of a call I just brought in

swede caroline ba ba ba gurgen fjörgen hargen så

Pluto ISN’T a planet but Europe IS a continent? Yeah okay boss

BREAKING NEWS: Johnson&Johnson announces NEW Grape Children's Motrin HARD SELTZERS

I should get extra PTO credit or something every day I am hung over with a tummy ache and still come to work, as a reward for my superhuman sacrifice

they make me do charts when I work at big special events like raves and music festivals. One time the system was down and I had to do it all on notebook paper. Just like 10 pages of "26yom. given Bandaid" eat my shorts

I try to be a "no news is good news" style employee. I think by virtue of the fact that my managers mostly just see me punching in 5-10 minutes early, and rarely ever hear from me or about me otherwise, they assume I'm a great employee. It's a good system

just want it to be clear, my profile picture is me, not my son or something. I'm 7 years old

seeing $53.42 charge from a bar after waking up from a blackout

anyone else getting spammed by porno bots or do they just think I'm cute

oh so you can just grow all your crops in one place and harvest them later instead of maintaining a nomadic society and foraging for food. that's dope! that is a really good idea

hand surgeons are the most powerful surgeons because they're the only ones that create new shit heart surgeons, brain surgeons, etc ain't innovating, but hand surgeons gotta make new shit that works when a hand is blown up or whatever

guys trying to decide what to do after work on friday

Can't wait to see what superpower I unlock this No Nut November. Last year i learned how to double jump.

>me:"does the patient have any medical history?" >discharging nurse:"no" >read front page of discharge packet >acetaminophen, insulin, apixaban, metoprolol

the cool trick about being a EMT is I get to do this also, but I am sequestered in my truck so the general public can't see me rewatching Andor, covered in panini crumbs

Incredible how this Seinfeld joke from over 30 years ago still hits

my pick for greatest modern-era nba photo used to be wade posing in foreground / lebron dunking in the background, but i think the new #1 is obvious. it wouldn't work nearly as well if wemby wasn't 7'4. the spurs are going nuts for the basketball head man like barney the dinosaur just came to life

Friends come... friends go... Blood is forever 🙏🙏🙏

waa

how it feels to work with no music how it feels to work to the Hardspace Shipbreaker soundtrack

why why WHY am I always sent to a stair carry call right after I get a big ass sandwich for lunch

BANG, MOTHERFUCKER.

10yrs old: a slam dunk is the coolest thing i’ve ever seen 15yrs old: these slow, emotional songs just “get” me 25yrs old: literature explores the human condition, but the visual storytelling in film reaches a much broader audience 35yrs old: a slam dunk is the coolest thing i’ve ever seen

Photo I took of water

this is basically what a macrophage does

It’s not a rut. It’s a groove.

this is what you all have

14 hours without nicotine I have unlocked a new part of my brain called the Hatred Cortex

she's kinda serving

Today I Learned (TIL): In kidney transplant procedures, unless there's a reason to remove the damaged kidney(s), they're left in place and the new kidney is grafted onto the same blood vessels. The transplant recipient is now walking around with 3 or more kidneys.