your honor this witness and i agreed we were gonna do a rashomon. like we all say we did the crime alone, you don’t know who to believe, and you’re left deeply disturbed by the inaccessibility of truth. but he’s not doing a rashomon. he’s just corroborating my guilt. its bullshit

hot gin probably hits like crazy when you're seven and have rickets

Andrew Cuomo has said he'll be tough on crime, let's see if he has the guts to say this five-year-old should be sent to prison

Sliwa to Cuomo: You’re gonna stand up to Trump? You Andrew Cuomo? You lost your own primary and you’re still here because you don’t know the meaning of the word “no” Mamdani: I agree with Curtis.

Imagining being the military governor of Alabama and the first day on the job you catch Osama bin Laden and his friends. You're about to execute them but then Godzilla attacks and they get away. Also, you almost executed bin Laden's innocent pizza guy by accident and the pizza guy is actually Jesus.

People keep saying the shooter's aim from 200 yards away was incredibly accurate. But he actually intended to commit suicide.

She went to Jared's

BREAKING NEWS: FBI HAS RELEASED FULL JEFFREY EPSTEIN TAPE

my only exposure to Ben Ryan is that every time @michaelhobbes.bsky.social does a thread on a trans rights issue, Ben will do a thread purporting to “debunk” it, but every time it’s minor nitpicks and disagreements about framing

I deleted several posts about a Times story because they violated Times social media standards.

TURN ON THE FUCKING NEWS IT DOESNT MATTER WHAT CHANNEL

inflation is wild, at the time he bought it with peanuts

We tariffed BIOT, Mike. BIOT. Diego fucking Garcia. We tarrifed our own military base.

i love that jd vance is the minister in charge of making the zoo more racist

Little men live in the wires and when they help me this is called Work. Work is measured in Joules because he's employee of the month.

elon musk is right now in the process of killing more people than the holocaust

my superpower for predicting things? paying attention to what people with power say and do

I have personally thrown John Carney out of enough bars (it only takes one) to know he is in fact crying.

Government funding expires March 14 and there's a chance they'll need Democratic votes to prevent a shutdown so that could be a good time to demand that Musk and his teens are out of government and an impartial investigation into what they've done thus far

Just because I’m no longer on their board doesn’t mean I don’t still have friends there. I am told that the Trump DOJ has advised NCMEC that if they don’t scrub their website for any public-facing references to TQIA+ kids this week, they are at risk of losing their funding.

so you've chosen the latter

Like a nice bowl of chili, the fact that this take is spicy does not imply that I have made it incorrectly.