THUNDEROUS applause at this baseball game for the first appearance of Bruce the bat dog

“Why’s it taking so long to take down the name when they put it up so fast?” yeah, undoing every single thing he’s done is gonna be exactly like that, get used to it

if you see me any way other than drenched in my own sweat between now and october, just assume that my deal w the devil finally went through

grabbing every small business owner I can find by the shoulders and yelling directly into their faces that IF I DON'T HAVE AN INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT I CAN'T SEE ANY OF YOUR SHIT GET A FUCKING WEBSITE

god I love kids’ baseball so much Coach: talk it up, make some noise for your teammates! Kid: <starts singing 76 trombones>

me for the last week, checking my sick cat’s breathing every 5 minutes

I am obsessed with this finalist in this year's Michigan “I voted” sticker design contest

using the sad eyes to try to convince me he has never once been fed in the history of time

My god, Octavia Butler, just miss ONCE

ajdjdkdhadkfj UNIVERSITIES ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ECONOMIC POWERHOUSES THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE PLACES YOU GO TO LEARN STUFF. FROM EXPERTS LIKE SCIENTISTS NOT A FUCKING LIE MACHINE

okay MAYBE I watch too much game changer because I just woke up from a dream where @samreich.bsky.social made a bunch of people play a huge and elaborate board game that somehow involved both brushing teeth and writing essays. nobody won. I was on a team with @erikaishii.bsky.social

waiting for my laser eye treatment, aka entering my supervillain era

I don’t know where my tech literacy lies but I don’t use AI because of my literal literacy

the retina doctor thinks he can fix my eye with a laser treatment instead of full surgery and I know intellectually this is very good news but I’m still having a hard time with the idea of someone shooting LASERS at my EYE I’d better get some goddamn superpowers out of this 😠

I’m not big on alcohol in general but I find beer so confusing. why would anyone want to drink bread instead of just eating it? my sensory issues simply cannot condone voluntary consumption of Wet Bread

The comparison I heard was data centers using the same amount of water as golf courses, and for that I was all, my brother in Christ, let me tell you what I think we should do with golf courses

We all literally, LITERALLY just watched NASA fly four absolute all-stars the farthest any human has ever been from Earth and back flawlessly, and yet we're still continuously forced to pretend Musk's bullshit catastrophe factory is the future of human space exploration

if today could maybe go a little less hard that would be great

oh no oh no I have become the Interesting Patient it is never a good sign when the doctor says “hey do you mind if I bring the med student back in so they can see this?”

The message shouldn't be "taxes are bad," it should be that you should get something for them, it's your money, it shouldn't be going to some rich dipshit's Dr. Claw-ass ballroom or into the pockets of J6 child molesters

ugh the trash heap that is facebook yet again telling me to send a happy birthday message to a friend who is dead. not even 8am and already I’m Sad, precision work there fb

trying to play little league in upstate NY be like ☔️☔️☔️

My medium-sized research university has an extensive medical center, some of the most powerful lasers in the world, and an annual operating budget in the $4B range. We’re not a public institution so our tuition is sky high, but US higher ed in general does not fuck around

Less than 48 hours until graduation, so I have reverted to my true form as a screeching harpy. Like a busted phoenix, I rise from the ashes once a year to scream my rage and hurl curses at all passersby

I’ve spent so much time sitting at my desk the last three days that I had to go on an angry eagle walk just to keep my back muscles from seizing up completely

me, buying a book written by someone who I've never met but we sometimes like each other's posts on Bluesky: my friend wrote this

“King Charles did very well not to kick Trump in the balls” is a real sentence uttered by my mild-mannered 70 year old mother

oh my god now I have to find this for my brother-in-law who is the director of a senior living home

oh no I may have over-caffeinated myself just a teensy bit

Cursed box score just dropped.

1. Noticed the library book sale was coming up 2. Remembered to pack up some books for donation 3. Remembered to put the bags of books in the car 4. Managed to drop off the books during the actual donation window It’s an adhd miracle!

to the person driving around with a RICHBOII license plate do you in fact realize that you have placed this license plate on a hyundai elantra

the demographic of bluesky is not prepared to hear this news, c’mon man

when my son was born I was in labor for 31 hours, about 20 of which were without any pain medication. at no point in that 20 hours was I on the verge of blacking out from pain the way I was during the 10 minute procedure where 3 doctors fished around with metal hooks trying to get my iud out

the first time I had one of those deeply uncomfortable early COVID tests where they had to shove the swab way in there I said “oh! it feels like a pap smear but for your brain” and everyone with a uterus nodded knowingly and everyone without a uterus was appalled

we started doing this a few years ago and it was a very good decision, 100% would recommend

kiddo is continuing the grand tradition of watching game shows while home sick by sniffling on the couch and demanding to put on the Rulette episode of @gamechanger.dropout.tv

today in Elder Millennial: I pulled a muscle in my back when I got up from the couch to go load the dishwasher

i love saying “win your eye exam” to neurodivergent people and they all know what i mean while neurotypicals are like “why would you try to win? it is an exam to help you!”

priest: the gods demand an animal sacrifice! me: no way dude, I am not on board with this priest: the animal they want you to sacrifice is fudgie the whale me: GIMME THE KNIFE

I think all of us born between like 1975 and 1985 need a support group for the fact that living through a rolling apocalypse, living with long covid, and starting menopause apparently all have the same symptoms.

thank you to my son who enlivened my morning by leaving a nerf gun on the roof of my car which made horrible scraping and clattering noises and made me think parts of my car were in imminent danger of falling off

a professor in my department gave me a bottle of wine but I don’t really drink much so it’s just been sitting on my desk. I am reminded that I should bring that wine home and chill it so I have something to toast with when our idiotic government finally falls

rainy day vibes

I love d&d podcasts but if you fall asleep in the middle it’s impossible to backwards-engineer how they got from A to B. Where did the dog come from and who named it Goblin Jr? Why are they trying to beat the wizard’s tower in 8 realities simultaneously? How did they end up owning a Marriott?

This Is Just To Say I have turned off the AI features that were in the update and which you were probably hoping to monetize Fuck you they were stupid so unnecessary and so annoying

proud member of the fang gang

A VCR never sold my private info to a nazi

the Mets are such a funny team because they play in the biggest city in the country and have the second-highest payroll (including the largest contract in sports history!!!) yet still always seem like plucky underdogs because of their long and storied history of kicking themselves in the nuts

wikipedia: I triple-dog-dare you