Really enjoying the BBC Good Food website.

On this day in 2006, Neil banged out the tunes

BBC news might want to get someone to moderate the automated headline feed because they put this up literally seconds before the comms blackout and it gave me a heart attack

I'm going to Lisbon next month! Would really appreciate recommendations from the Portuguese and well-travelled among you of places to eat or dishes to order that don't contain anything that will kill me (finned fish, crustaceans, molluscs). Appreciate the fish allergy is a pain in Portugual lol

A couple of years ago, there was a minor heatwave and my gf was recovering from surgery. The house was fucking sweltering and nothing we could do would fix it, despite airflow generally being great. Turns out at one point while working her way up the stairs she'd knocked the thermostat to 30C

Yeah, well it's not so great down here either, ABC News.

“…And now you see why Neil always said never to mention — oh, hey Houston, we’re back. Saw normal, far side of the moon things.“

One of them hides. Other three pretend there never was a fourth crew member. This works best if the one in hiding has a twin back on Earth who can pop up in the control room and shout “surprise!”

Best case scenario, both the crew and mission control prank each other about what happened while they were out of contact

I agree with the idea of them coming around speaking Klingon. But switch it up. The Americans are all talking in Klingon, but the Canadian is talking in Na'vi. And someone has some gagh. #ArtemisII

Just say nothing. Stay absolutely silent for the rest of the trip.

Tap in an alternate video feed playing Apollo 13 sent back to base

"Has It Happened yet?"

All the astronauts swap genders.

Can we just skip to the part where the astronauts return from their voyage around the moon, step out of the pod, and with strangely dead eyes and expressionless faces, say things like "I am fine. Thank you. Please tell me about your systems of government."

libera te tutemet ex inferis

Cover the camera and act like something absolutely TERRIFYING and unspeakable has boarded the craft while out of communication.

"Thank you Houston, instruments went a little funny just now but we're in the green. Please tell President Harris we're on our way home."

"...so we're agreed, we never talk of this to anyone else ever again...oh hi, Houston, we're back."

Emerge looking flustered and wearing bits of each other's clothes.

Scott Kelly did get sent a gorilla costume up to the International Space Station to prank Tim Peake so there's precedent for smuggling disguises to space.

Everybody is uncannily the same as normal, except the First Officer now has a beard. (Would have required a bit of forward planning, admittedly).

Just thought of another one: “Houston, what year is it?" “Inspiration, it’s still 2026.” “Houston, what time is it?” [Houston gives them the time.] ”Oh good. They we‘re right back where we started. It didn’t take any time at all in our dimension.”

Unless they have image editing software on board, this one would have required a little prep: an image of a monolith on the far side of The Moon.

When they go round the moon, the Artemis astronauts will be completely out of contact for 40 minutes. What's the single funniest (yet feasible) thing they could do when they get back in touch?

good morning

Every so often, I have to look something up bc my mum would tell me things as a kid which 90% of the time were silly bullshit (like that if a plane has its wheels sticking out, it's male) but sometimes it turns out to be true, like that brown chickens make brown eggs and white ones make white eggs.

See also cats while you’re sleeping: mother is asslep? Mother is vulnerable to predators in her slep? I shall stand guard directly on her tit

Akanthou FC have the best badge imaginable, your team could never

war_iran_final-blow_v1.pdf war_iran_final-final-blow-v2.pdf war_iran_final-blow-no edits.pdf war_iran_final-blow-no edits (1).pdf war_iran_final-blow-no edits (1) APPROVED.pdf IRANWARPLANSFINALFINALFINAL.pdf IRANWARPLANSFINALFINALFINAL (1).pdf

Incredibly funny that the president of the United States can do this and retain command of the American Armed Forces, but I said it about a literal Nazi and got fired from a job writing superhero comics.

people often ask how I write such good haiku: practice, practice, prac

you do not under any circumstances gotta hand it to him but the posting game is unmatched. centre left politicians would sooner cut their own arms off than ever say something negative about a departed political opponent

The act of trolling I'm probably proudest of in my entire digital life was the time a prominent MRA kept leaving replies on my blog. Every comment was misogynistic and also flogging his book. I'd approve them, but only after quietly editing the title of his books to "I done a poo in my pants".

The construction of a special category of men's mental health or male loneliness isn't really about alleviating the suffering of men, it's about shoring up patriarchy. Women are expected to provide care that men feel entitled to. Anything else is a threat to men's precious mental health.

Women are, on average, more likely than men to be depressed, but it's men's mental health that we are all told to pay special attention to and the reason for this is that "men's menral health" is an excuse to protect male power. pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC...

My take on men's mental health is that the online service the local talking therapies people pointed me at has a section on men's mental health but not, for example, women's mental health or non-binary people's mental health.

Nick Clegg unveiled a portrait of himself at the National Liberal Club yesterday and it's hard to tell which one looks less like Nick Clegg, the portrait of Nick Clegg or the actual Nick Clegg

Outside my flat, I hear a voice say “Alan, you are being so fucking obstreperous right now.” A woman appears, walking backwards, holding a taut thrumming leash, straining hard against her. Then, seemingly minutes later Alan finally appears: the smallest, lowest, muscliest sausage dog in all creation

My dad can never remember Timothée Chalamet’s name and calls him “that little French boy” like he’s a drummer in Napoleon's army or a haunted marionette.

The formatting of this Beckett quote does still represent resilience and determination, just of a very different sort.

Traditional ides of march dinner

Got a bag for life full of freshly picked three corner leeks, lads

happy ides of march